Winona
by secrethobby
Summary: The story of Winona Kirk; from her time in the Academy, to her devastating heartbreak, to moving on... A take a character we know so little about, but are so quick to judge. This is her side of the story. M for sex, language, and some darker themes.
1. Forward by the Author

I never liked the reboot's treatment of Winona Kirk, or the extrapolations that she was a bad or negligent mother. It seemed unfair to treat her so harshly.

The opening scene of the 2009 movie depicted a woman listening to her husband's dying moments as she gave birth to their second son. It must have been horrific. However, I cannot see how this would turn her against her husband's son, whom he named so lovingly with his final moments.

The adult Jim Kirk we see in the beginning of the movie certainly has some issues, and it is clear his childhood contributed to them. It must have been hard. By limited accounts, it seems certain that Winona continued her career in Starfleet, and was separated from her young children for months at a time; children who may not have been able to understand why their mother had to go away.

In America, we punish working mothers brutally for having careers, and look down on single mothers as less than adequate. We view them as bad mothers, mothers who don't love their children enough, and we blame them if their children don't turn out perfectly. I feel that this idea; the idea that Winona damaged her son, that she didn't love him, and that it was Captain Pike, Jim's pseudo father figure, who finally saved him, is a reflection of a culture with a very narrow definition of what a good mother is.

By all accounts, Jim Kirk (eventually) grew up to be a brave, compassionate leader, with an uncompromising moral compass. Pike may have helped him push past his immaturity, but we are wrong to assume he instilled those values in a 22 year old. They had to have been there all along, and they had to come from somewhere… or rather, someone.

But this story is not about Kirk, it's about his mother. A woman whose story we were introduced to with heartbreak, and who, like every mother, was flawed.

But I don't think she failed her son.

Author's Notes:

This story takes place in "The Next Chapter" universe, but it is not necessary to read it.

I am writing this on a few assumptions the movies leave ambiguous:

Winona was a Starfleet Officer. I can't see another way for Starfleet to allow an 8-9 months pregnant woman on a Starship.

Jim was George and Winona's second son. The timeline changed on the day of Jim's birth, so it should all technically be TOS compliant until then.

Frank was Winona's second husband, and the infamous car was his. This fits better with the story. My fic-my rules :-)

Details I'm adding which I think make sense, but there is no real evidence to support it:

Starfleet had programs in place for parents - It would have been COMPLETELY irresponsible for George and Winona to have had 2 children with absolutely no means of caring for them.

Starfleet Academy is a 3 year grad school. Most human cadets go from ages 22-25, but it is possible to go younger if you finish college early. The movie is fuzzy on this detail, so I'm just defining it. I have already vaguely implied this in my other fic. I just don't think it's possible to have acquired an education to be a Starfleet officer with just 3 years at the Academy, and no other knowledge base.

Tiberius was a Starfleet officer - with a name like Tiberius what else could he have been?


	2. Winona

_Year: 2255_

Lt. Winona Kirk was exhausted. She had just ended her 16 hour shift, most of which had been spent in the inner bowels of the ship, rec-calibrating the navigation sensors with a team of some very green cadets. Typically she just supervised, but the Captain's indecisive tendencies had, yet again, gotten them into trouble with a few Klingon war-birds and blown out navigation. They were on a tactical reconnaissance mission, but the 42 year old Captain was so concerned with calculating every possible thing that could go wrong, he missed every opportunity to actually complete the mission! Then the Klingons would find them and attack. It was the third time this week.

Winona groaned and she entered her small quarters and removed her boots, exasperated and frustrated. Padding barefoot into her quarters she caught a glimpse of herself in the mirror. Though she was 51, many would still consider her beautiful. Her light blonde hair showed only the faintest traces of white, and the lines around her hazel eyes were still shallow. Many of her friends often wondered why she never remarried after her divorce (especially now that her sons were grown) - there was certainly no lack of opportunities.

Slipping into some Starfleet issued lounge-wear, she settled into her chair and began to go over the days reports. Lt. Kirk was the lead navigational systems officer on the deep space vessel Excaliber, though she had declined the role of bridge officer. No -Winona preferred to be behind the scenes, managing the systems, innovating, and controlling. Bridge officers might be more glamorous, but in Winona's mind they merely waited for someone to tell them to push the buttons. Winona made sure the buttons actually did something.

 _Beep Beep_

Winona lifted her head from the manifest of the day's reports.

"Come in" she said, pressing a button on a small control by her bed, signaling the door to open. It was Captain Pike, whose ship had docked with hers only this afternoon.

"Good Evening Lieutenant"

Winona immediately leapt from her chair. They had rendezvoused with Pike's ship earlier that day to help assist with repairs. She had met Pike a few times - the first was to accommodate a request for an informational interview he was conducting for his thesis when he was a cadet. He wrote an impressive report on the Kelvin Incident - the worst day of Winona's life.

"Captain", Winona began, confused as to why he was there, "My apologies, I didn't expect company" she said gesturing to her casual attire.

"At ease, Mrs. Kirk. We're off duty", he said kindly.

Pike stared at her. She no longer possessed the same melancholy she had had the day she granted him an interview, but she just seem exhausted, worn. She had been a breathtakingly beautiful young woman, burdened by a sorrow he couldn't even put into words. He had sort of kept tabs on her ever since, especially when she re-joined Starfleet after a 4 year hiatus. Her career had been relatively unremarkable - she had originally trained for deep space missions, but, upon re-enlisting, had always tried to get the shortest assignments she could find. Because she was a young single mother, she had been given a little leeway, but it had greatly hurt her career trajectory. A woman of her intellect and work ethic should have been a Captain, or at the very least a Commander - but it had taken her over 14 years to make it from Ensign to Lieutenant. At this point, she would probably stay put until retirement.

"Can I help you with something, Sir" she asked softly.

"Yes, actually….I don't know how to say this…" he began. "It's highly inappropriate….I mean… he is an adult-I think…"

"Sir?"

Pike swallowed, "Actually Mrs. Kirk, this is about your son...Jim."

Winona's confusion increased. "Jim?", she asked.

"Yes, I...well, I had the ….pleasure… of meeting your son in Iowa on my last recruitment trip, and I convinced him to enlist."

Winona was flabbergasted, "Jim's in Starfleet? My Jim? Are you sure?"

"Well yes….but well, he's been causing a bit of trouble."

Winona rolled her eyes, "Well it sounds like him", she said dispassionately.

"Mrs. Kirk, I know you aren't crazy about the idea of your children in Starfleet, but… he's a very bright young man. Extremely bright, and clever, and quick, and I just thought...he seemed like he needed some direction… if I overstepped-"

"Jim is free to do what he wants. But I don't know if Starfleet is the place for him...he's been causing you trouble, right? That's why you're here?"

"I went out on a limb for him - his test scores were amazing but he failed the personality evaluation. He actually managed to convince the doctor he was a schizophrenic sex addict with a chronic fear of prunes! And then he somehow slept with her!"

"Definitely my Jim, then."

Pike sighed. He had spent three hours at a council meeting convincing the Academy to admit Kirk anyways. He was so sure the kid had it in him. He just needed a push. At first everything seemed like it was working out. A lifelong competitive swimmer, Kirk had passed basic training with flying colors, and enrolled in the officer track, with a specialty in tactics- just like his father. Pike had privately requested the Professors send him Jim's grades. Academically speaking, he was doing spectacular -ranked 12th in his class, and on his way to skipping straight to an officer role once he graduated. Pike was personally looking forward to taking him on as a tactical control Ensign, when one day he got a tip that the Academy Board had submitted an official warning- threatening him with expulsion!

Winona just sipped a cup of hot tea quietly, waiting for the punch line, only mildly interested in her son's latest fuck-up.

"It's ridiculous really! This Professor just has it out for him! Apparently his daughter is a recent grad but is in Kirk's Warp 101 class, auditing or something…. and they started ...Are you OK with me telling you this?"

Winona sighed a nodded, "Trust me, I've heard it all….Jim isn't very good at covering his tracks."

"Well...they were together, at her father's apartment then apparently, once night… her FIANCE get back from assignment unexpectedly…. and they were….you know…"

"Oh I know…"

"Well, obviously a fight ensured, and Jim threw the guy into the Professor's collection of antique hand-carved Tikki Sculptures-"

"Tikki sculptures...that's a new one…"

"And broke them. So, then he leaves, and the girl, Christine, I think her name was, is distraught. The fiance ends it, and the next day, she goes to campus to find Jim. She goes to his quarters and he's-"

"In bed with another girl?" Winona interjected.

"Yes! And apparently they had been-"

"Sleeping together the whole time he and this Christine were having their affair."

"How did you know?"

"Winona shook her head, "I know my son. He's never been fond of commitment. He usually picks women he can't actually date for whatever reason and runs when things escalate past being fun. He's been doing this a long time. He's not relationship person. I'll bet the only reason he stuck around for Christine so long was because he knew she had a fiance."

"She was prepared to leave him for Jim from what the Professor tells me-"

"Then she's a fool." Winona was tired of this conversation. At first she felt for these girls, she really did. But Jim had one thing on his side - he never made any sort of promises, implied or otherwise, that he didn't keep. This girl wasn't tricked - none of them were. They were just sucked in by the charisma her youngest son exuded by just breathing. If she was foolish enough to through away a man who truly loved her to have a fling, she didn't deserve his love. Good men were hard to find, and even harder to lose. She hoped this girl had learned her lesson. "Enough, Captain, I don't mean to be rude, but I have no idea why this would lead to Jim's expulsion. A slap on the wrist, maybe, for conduct unbecoming of a cadet regarding the affair with an enlisted woman, but this sort of this happens all the time. And if anyone should get a reprimand it's her - she's the ranking officer."

"That's not why."

"Don't tell me its the Tikki statues".

Pike looked at her, "The Professor has a bit of a vendetta. It's his baby girl. He started digging around in Jim's files for some dirt and realized that he...hasn't been going to class."

"I thought you said he was doing well…."

"He is! But he's missed 75% of his classes, which is completely unacceptable. Of course, most people would just FAIL OUT, so they don't really need to enforce attendance but… I can't figure out how he's even doing this!"

"Lecture capture." Winona said, once again losing interest.

"What?"

"The Academy records all lectures for sick or injured students. Or for students on assignment. They're open to everyone enrolled in the class. He's going into the database and attending class on his own time. He did this is college too."

"But it's not as good as attending!"

"He does outside reading to compensate."

"But that takes MORE time than just dragging his ass to class!"

"That's not the point."

"Then what is?!"

"He wants to fuck with you."

Pike blinked, "With me?"

"With you, with his Professors, with Starfleet, hell, the whole Federation if he could figure out how." Winona shrugged, "He likes to prove to people he can do things his way, and that their way is stupid. Even if his way is harder."

"WHY!?"

Winona smiled, "To get the precise reaction you're giving me right now."

Pike sat back in his chair, "Well what do I do?"

Winona sighed, "I don't know. I threw him out of the house two years ago. About 2 weeks after he 'graduated early' from college by request from the administration. He hasn't spoken to me since."

Suddenly she looked very sad, "I don't know...I tried so hard with him. He doesn't even talk to his brother anymore. But I can't help you. I'm persona non grata with him. He won't listen to me, and I suspect he won't appreciate Starfleet asking his mommy to help them make him behave."

"Mrs. Kirk - normally I wouldn't do this, but Jim is ...he has so much potential, and he's pissing it away. Starfleet might be his chance to get his life together. He needs this….don't you want to-"

"No," she said suddenly. "I'm done. He's 22. I tried my best, and I failed. It's time to move on. Kick him out. He doesn't belong in Starfleet. He is going to make a fool out of you."

"Mrs. Kirk-"

She stood, "It was a pleasure to see you again Captain", she said, indicating the conversation was over.

Pike left disheartened. He had been so sure she would help him. It was clear she loved her son deeply, one look at her service record would tell you that, but she seem adamant to stay out of his life. Even when he needed her now.

* * *

Winona couldn't sleep. It wasn't the first sleepless night her son had given her, but it was definitely the first in a while. She could hardly believe Jim had joined Starfleet! What Pike was thinking she would never know, but she was certain he would live to regret taking on Jim as his personal pet project.

Once again she found herself wondering how they had ended up here. Winona got out of bed and wandered to her desk, and stared at the pictures on her wall: her honeymoon with George, Sam's engagement party, her two boys riding horses in Iowa as teenagers. Jim had already started causing trouble by then. Choking back unexpected tears she looked at one more photo. Just her and Jim at three years olds, on a raggedy sofa. Her little boy sat on her lap, happily wrapped in her arms laughing, his bright blue eyes, George's eyes, smiling into the camera as she kissed his little cheek. She could still hear him saying "I luv you mommy" in his sweet voice.

"I love you too, baby", she whispered back to the picture.

* * *

 _Year: 2237 -18 Years Prior_

"Mommy…."

Winona woke to the sound of her baby calling for her. She hastily threw the covers off her body, and immediately realized why; her apartment was FREEZING. Winona wandered over to the heat control and saw that it was cranked up to 30 degrees, even though it felt more like the low teens. Fighting the urge to cry she realized the heat must be out. A year ago Winona had been forced to sell the house she and her late husband bought together and moved to a small apartment. Because she didn't want to be in a dangerous part of town, she had taken a one bedroom she had converted into a two, in a run down old building in the best neighborhood she could afford. The amenities went out all the time.

"Mommy…"

"I'm coming, sweetheart", Winona called back to her four year old son.

Flicking on a light she entered the bedroom her sons, James Tiberius and George Samuel (Sam for short), shared. Sam groaned, "Go back to sleep, Jimmy!"

Trying not to shiver Winona sat on the bottom bunk of her sons' bed, "What's a matter, baby?" she asked.

Jim looked up at his mother with his beautiful blue eyes tearful -"I'm cold" he said.

It was like a knife to Winona's heart. "It's OK baby, it's a cold night."

"I can't feel my toes", he wailed.

Winona grabbed her small son's feet which were, indeed, ice cold, and gave them a quick kiss.

"Is that better?" she asked.

He started crying again, "Can I sleep with you, mommy?"

"God, you're such a baby!" Sam snapped from his bunk above.

"Sam", Winona warned her seven year old.

She leaned down and kissed Jim on his forehead and scooped him up in one fluid motion. He was still small for his age, smaller than Sam had been, so her felt light as a feather in her arms. Carrying him into her room she put him on the bed and tucked him under the covers, which were still warm from her body heat. Getting into bed beside him she cuddled against his back, kissing the back of his head over and over again. He immediately found his thumb and started to suck on it, warm and happy in his mother's arms.

Winona was about to turn out her light when she heard a knock at the door. It was Sam. "Can I stay in here too, Mom?" he asked.

Winona nodded and held up the covers to let her oldest son in with them. Jim immediately took note and sprawled all over his big brother, his earlier taunting forgiven and forgotten. Sam was having such a hard time. He missed his old house, his backyard, his toys. It had been unbearable explaining to her three year old son that his daddy was not coming home. But in truth, he had adapted faster that Winona could have expected. It was harder for him to leave the home he had grown up in than it was to accept the loss of the father he didn't remember. The father her youngest was a carbon copy of. She didn't know if it made it better or worse that Jim had the same eyes, nose, chin, and even mannerisms of the man he never met. The man Winona so desperately needed.


	3. George

_Year: 2227_

"Who is that?" Winona whispered to her roommate over the library table. They were supposed to be studying, but they were barely in their first week of 2nd Year classes. Somehow, the tall, blonde, GORGEOUS man who just walked in was waaaaaaay more interesting that quantum mechanics.

Eliza looked too, "Whoa! I have no idea, but DAMN!" she hooted.

"Hey, I saw him first!"

"You have a boyfriend!"

Winona scowled. She did, sort of. She and Zach, a fellow second year, had gotten together a few months ago, but she could already feel it start to fizzle out. They had had a lovely spring semester together, but over the summer they sort of lost their connection. They only managed to visit each other twice. Winona had expected things to go back to normal once they were no longer long distance but whatever spark they had had the previous year seemed to have evaporated with the summer heat.

Eliza noticed the look on her roommate's face, "Jesus, Winona, if you don't like him just dump him already! At the very least, you should probably stop sleeping with him."

"It's not that I don't like him...it's just that...I don't know…."

"Does he know?"

"He...suspects… I don't know. It just hasn't been the same since school started."

"You only dated for 6 weeks while school was in session… most of your relationship was over the summer."

Winona sighed, "I know, I know….it's just. He's...nice. Sweet, smart, caring, good looking...I'm lucky! He's a good boyfriend… it's just that I don't-."

"Want to rip his clothes off and start making babies?" Eliza finished her sentence.

"That's a very heteronormative comment," Winona muttered.

"Ooo dodging the question!"

Winona glared at her friend but said nothing. She wasn't even sure if she WANTED kids! And OF COURSE she couldn't expect to feel that strongly about Zach after such a short amount of time. But, she had to admit it...the answer to that question was a resounding "no". _Maybe now was a good time to end things? It was a new year after all…._

Lost in thought, Winona failed to realize the handsome mystery cadet was staring at her from his table.

* * *

After her workout, the hot shower felt so good! Winona stretched her body as the bathroom steamed up. Since her break-up with Zach she had found a lot of free time in her schedule, and had been using it to work off the weight she gained in Iowa that summer off her mom's cooking. Hopping out of the shower she appraised her naked body in the mirror, turning side to side, adjusting her posture to make herself look skinner and more toned. She noted with pleasure that some of the weight had settled in her breasts. _That could stay_.

Wrapping a towel around herself she stepped out of the bathroom and almost had a heart attack.

"Ahh!" she gasped.

"So sorry!"

 _Oh my god!_ She thought in sheer panic. Instead of an empty dorm room, or her roommate, she instead found herself standing face to face the the hott cadet she and Eliza had seen in the library two weeks ago. To his credit, he had immediately turned around, and even spared her the embarrassment of having to speak.

"I am so so sorry, Cadet! I...um, I'm taking a class with your roommate, Cadet Tipper, and borrowed her extra PADD. She was supposed to be here, but got caught up, and sent me the code to drop it off. I knocked but no one answered."

"I was in the shower", Winona responded, horrified.

"Yep, that would explain it."

He started to turn back around.

"I'm really sorry", he said, with an abashed winning smile. _God, he had a good smile_ : a _nd the most beautifully bright blue eyes._ She hadn't noticed them before. Winona actually smiled back.

"Ummm...I'm sorry", she said.

"Don't be! I barged in here", he said in friendly tone, still holding her gaze. He didn't seem to have any intention of turning back around.

"Ummmm, I'm just gonna…" Winona reached for her clothes, which were lying on the bed. She scooped them up and hurried back into the safety of the bathroom. She saw her beat red face in the mirror. _God he was cute! He knew it too, which made it worse._

She threw on her the t-shirt and leggings she had hastily grabbed from her bed and quickly started preening in the mirror, A tiny bit of her eye liner had survived the shower, emphasizing her pretty hazel brown eyes. She hurriedly ran her fingers through her hair- _Ugh she left her brush back out in the bedroom! This was NOT the way she wanted to introduce herself to the beautiful man standing in her dorm room._ Taking a deep breath she stole her courage to go back out into the room.

He was still there, looking intently at a photo of her and her best friend from home. "You're from Iowa?" he asked.

Winona smiled, "Yes...I am."

He turned to her, "I'm from Idaho, myself, originally, but my parent's moved to San Francisco when I was a teenager. God, I miss the country sometimes, though."

Winona wasn't sure what to say. She actually preferred the city, especially the waterfront.

"Anyways...I was going to leave, but, I thought I'd at least introduce myself after scaring you half to death. I'm George- George Kirk."

"Winona Elliot"

"That's a pretty name", he said with a smile. "Anyways, I'm sorry again."

"It's OK" she managed to respond.

"Well-Winona- see you around."

He gave her a small smile and wandered out the door. As it shut behind him, Winona sank onto her bed and put her face in her hands. _Why hadn't she thought of something else to say?! God! It was so unlike her to get tongue tied. But this was completely ridiculous! She had only a week ago gotten out of a relationship! Now was not a good time to start getting worked up over some new dude she didn't even know._ Winona resolved to forget about him

The funny thing was, it was completely impossible for forget someone who kept nodding hello every time they passed you, or waving to you across the courtyard, or making small talk when they bumped into you. Especially when they were that good looking. The next few weeks, Winona began to see more and more of George - just around. Nothing direct, or intended. It was driving her absolutely crazy!

"You always get the good looking ones!" Eliza whined at her roommate. After first she had been sort of upset with Winona. She had strategically placed herself in the tactical statistics class in an effort to get closer to George, only to have him suddenly take an interest in her roommate. _Of course he would go for her!_ Winona was brilliant, stunning and humble to boot. Her long blonde hair, wide eyes, pink cheeks, and killer body made her one of the most attractive girls in Starfleet Academy. At first it was hard to be friends with her, but, her sharp wit, fierce loyalty, and down-to-earth attitude had won Eliza over. Winona hadn't tried to steal George on purpose, besides, she didn't want to date someone who thought her roommate was better looking...even if she was.

"Well", Eliza continued, "what did you say?"

"No", Winona squeaked horrorstuck, "I said I had just gotten out of a relationship and wasn't looking for anything for a while."

"WHY DID YOU DO THAT?" Eliza shouted.

"I don't know! I panicked!"

After three weeks of random stop and chats, wave and smiles, George had finally asked Winona to have dinner with him.

"Can you unpanic?" Eliza asked.

"No! He….wanted to go tonight! It's already 19:00 hours." She sank into her chair, "Oh my god, I totally blew it. Why did I say that?"

"Maybe he'll think you're playing hard to get?"

Winona shook her head, "He's not like that. Besides...he could have ANY girl he wants!"

"He sounds like he wants you!"

"He's not gonna ask me again."

Eliza raised her eyebrow, "If he did, would you say yes?"

Winona blushed, "I don't know...I barely know him."

"So yes then?"

"I. Dont. Know."

"Maybe should should ask him out?"

"What?" Winona spat.

"You said it yourself, you blew it. He's probably still interested. If you asked him to - say- the formal, he would probably say yes."

Winona bit her lip nervously, "I just got out of a-"

"Dont' say 'relationship'. That thing you did with Zach doesn't count. You didn't love each other and neither of you are particularly upset about your breakup. He's already moved on to a first year. I suggest you do the same," Eliza said smugly.

"I can't ask someone out!" Winona squeaked. "What if he says no?"

"Then you get a few more months to pretend to mourn your fake relationship." Eliza shook her head, "Look, he did his part. He put his cards on the table and you turned him down. If you want to take this any further you're going to have to swallow your pride for two minutes and ask him to go to the formal with you. Ball's in your court now. Ask. Him. Out."

"I-"

"Here," Eliza pulled out tight, low-cut v-neck shirt and push-up bra from Winona's drawer. "Wear this. He'll say yes."

30 minutes later Winona was out the door, her heart racing as she wandered towards the gym. George was in the competitive swim club, and practice would be ending soon. She could catch him on his way out. She made it to the gym in record time, but didn't see anyone coming out. After a few minutes of waiting she wandered inside, and saw that a meet was in progress - it must have been running late.

Wedging herself into the stands she looked at the progress of the racers only to realize that George was in the water. He looked like he was in the lead! Suddenly a whistle blew and the crowd started clapping. He had apparently won...something? Clapping awkwardly along with everyone else, she watched him emerge from the water.

 _Wow._

Her heart started pounding again as he pulled himself up, revealing a toned muscular body; broad shoulders, slim waist, very well defined but too overy brawny. The little beads of water rolling down his body accentuated every inch of his glorious chest. Winona let her gaze wander south, down to a tuft of light brown hair on his stomach to his teeny tiny, skin tight, soaking wet racer swimsuit. Suddenly the pool area felt really warm. He turned around abruptly and bent over to pick something up off of the floor. _Oh my god, his butt,_ Winona thought. Her friend's idiotic statement of "wanting to rip his clothes off and start making babies" came flooding to the forefront of her mind. Staring at George, the idea was starting to seem more and more appealing.

"Winona?"

 _SHIT!_ he caught her staring at him, and started walking towards her. Still practically naked. She felt herself turn beat red, but took a deep breath. It was now or never.

* * *

That front piece of hair never curled right. Winona was sick of toying with it. Tonight was her first date with George - The Starfleet Fall formal. Half the Academy, visiting officers, diplomats, and everyone important to Starfleet would be there. She was going to meet George by the bar at 2000 hours.

Winona wandered out of the bathroom and saw Eliza throwing on her fifth outfit of the night. She had started seeing a guy in San Francisco and was not going to the formal. Winona was suddenly really thankful that dress uniforms were the required attire for the formal. Hers was currently laid out on her bed.

"You're hair looks great!" Eliza said encouragingly. "You guys are going to have so much fun!"

Winona smiled, "Thanks. I just wish I wasn't so nervous!"

"Don't be! It's just the formal! Dinner, rubbing elbows, cocktails….which reminds me. Drink this water, or you'll be on the floor! I went last time, and it's impossible to get a glass of water from the bar. Triple top shelf martini, sure! Tap water...good luck."

"Good call." Winona picked up her glass. She took a quick swig and took off her bathrobe, reaching for her uniform.

Trying on dress number six Eliza turned to her roommate, "Hey what do you think of- Whoa! Um, I thought this was a first date?"

Winona looked up innocently in her bra and panties - a sexy lace sheer matching bra and thong that she had paired with thigh highs. "It is?"

"Then how do you explain that?!"

"What?"

"I'm sorry, is your first date taking place in his bed?"

"No!" Winona looked down. It was a brand new set she had bought right before her break-up with Zach. The periwinkle blue looked amazing on her pale skin. Though it was sheer, her nipples were still obscured by some strategically placed lace, making it tantalizing and chaste at the same time.

"Why are you wearing lingerie?"

Winona rolled her eyes, "It's just underwear."

"It matches!"

"So? I bought it like that."

Eliza gave her a look, "We all buy underwear like that! But I never wear it like that unless I plan on someone else taking it off."

"I'm not-"

"How's the...um...grooming situation? You were in the shower for a really long time..."

Winona blushed, "That's none of your business!"

"Oh my god!" Eliza gasped. "You're ready to jump him, aren't you? I mean, I wasn't planning on staying out tonight, but I can be home late if-"

"I am NOT HAVING SEX WITH HIM ELIZA!"

"I call bullshit. There is no way in HELL you are going to run around all night with a piece of lace up your ass to have civilized, getting to know you, conversation. That's just a waste of resources." Eliza smirked. "I can give you until 200 hours. But I'm not staying overnight with him. Message me if you need more time."

"You can come home whenever you like!" Winona snapped. "I just...It makes me feel more together to have matching underwear…"

Eliza ignored her nonsense and went over to her drawer and pull out a bottle of scotch and 2 glasses.

"What are you doing?" Winona asked, exasperated.

"Enabling you," Eliza said innocently. "This is the really really good stuff. Invite him back for a drink. Just to continue what I'm sure will be a fascinating conversation!" she added quickly.

Laughing she pulled on her coat. "Have fun!" she taunted as she sauntered out the door.

* * *

Four hours later, tipsy and red faced, Winona allowed herself to be twirled and dipped on the dance floor as the band played its final song for the evening. The night had been...w _ould it be too cliche to say perfect?_ She and George had met up at the bar for drinks, spent an hour or so schmoozing with high ranking Starfleet officers, then danced the night away. Finally over her initial nervousness, the conversation had taken a smooth flow. George was studying to become a bridge officer, and hoped to one day make Captain and explore deep space. He was incredibly impressed by Winona's coursework, studying long range navigation, and joked that one day they might end up working together on a deep space exploration vessel.

"Of course, I probably shouldn't get ahead of myself" he laughed, "I need to actually pass everything, first!"

Winona smiled, "Maybe you shouldn't let yourself get so distracted?"

"Well, I think that's your fault."

"My fault!"

"Absolutely. How am I supposed to concentrate on class work when I keep wondering when the hell you're going to agree to go out with me?"

"Well maybe you should have worn your little swimsuit to my dorm that day and this would have been settled then-" Winona turned bright red.

"Whaaaa?" George grinned.

"I mean", _shit, did she just say that out loud?!_ "I….I think I drank too much...un"

George pulled her closer, "So you liked that, huh?"

"Ummmmmm"

"You know, I can't say I don't like it when you're forward."

Winona scowled, "Why am I not surprised?"

Suddenly the band stopped playing and the hall erupted into applause around them.

"Time to go", George said.

"Yeah". Suddenly Winona was very disappointed. She wasn't quite ready for her night to be over just yet. She was having so much fun! Getting her jacket she grabbed her purse and stepped outside into the cool night air. He didn't say anything, but offered his arm and started leading her back towards the second year dorms. Oddly enough, she sort of liked that he didn't ask to walk her home. He just did it.

The old clock chimed midnight just as they got to her door, and Winona finally gathered the courage to look at him. He was so handsome. Even in the darkness the bright blue of his eyes stood out, making her heart melt.

"Well", he said, "I guess I'll leave you to it."

"OK" Winona said quietly.

"Unless…"

"Unless what?"

George stepped in closer and looked down , his own face inches from hers. Winona could feel her heartbeat quicken and her whole body flush.

"Can I kiss you goodnight?" he asked, his breath brushing her face.

She smiled and nodded slightly.

She felt his hand slide up her back and waited as he pulled her in closer. His lips touched hers just as she closed her eyes. They were so soft and warm, sliding over hers. She felt her body lean into him of it's own volition, and his lips gently part hers. She felt his tongue gently caressing her own; and a slight tremor went down her body as she felt the pit of her stomach drop. She had never been this attracted to anyone before.

A slight moan left her lips when he finally pulled away, and she looked into his bright blue eyes wondering what he was thinking. He smiled shyly, "Goodnight, then."

"Do you want to come in for a drink?" she blurted before he could even turn around.

He smiled, "Will your roommate mind?"

"She um…...she won't be home for a few hours…." Winona said. _Slut!_ Her subconscious screamed at her. _Ugh, but he was soooooooo attractive. OK, just a drink….and maybe some more kissing….That's it!_

"OK, then".

Winona lead him into the dorm and went to the bed to flick on the light next to her bed, her heart pounding. In truth she had wanted the chance to be alone with him since she first laid eyes on him in the library, and now here he was, in her dorm!

Turning back to him she said, "There's Scotch on the desk. Eliza's family owns a distillery so it's really good. Way better than anything they had at the dance."

"Sounds nice", he said taking a step toward her, away from the Scotch.

"Yeah it's really great having a roommate with connections."

"Must be", he said taking another step.

"You're really gonna like it."

"I'm not thirsty right now" he said, placing his hands on her hips, and closing the space between them. "Are you?" he asked, his eyes smiling into her own.

Suddenly Winona was kissing him, hard; wrapping her arms around his neck, and pulling his body wantonly towards her own. She found herself walking backwards towards her bed, then falling onto it and pulling him on top of her, still kissing him passionately.

"No, I'm not thirsty", she said breathlessly, with a smile.

George laid her back on the bed and lowered himself onto her, trailing his kisses from her lips to her neck. She was going to explode. Winona felt her short uniform riding up to her waist, freeing her long legs to wrap themselves around his hips. As he shifted on top of her she suddenly felt his very prominent erection digging into her pelvis. Before she could even think about what she was doing Winona reached up to his collar and started unbuttoning his uniform jacket, while he worked on the exposed skin of her neck. When his jacket fell open he shrugged it off.

Underneath he was wearing a thin undershirt. She ran her hands up and down the sides of his chest, feeling his taut muscles and the burning hot skin beneath it. No longer neatly tucked in, his lower back and stomach were exposed, and she couldn't help but slip her hands underneath his shirt.

She heard him laugh softly and in one graceful motion he pulled off his t-shirt for her, giving her leave to touch the amazing chest she had thought about since she saw him emerge from the pool.

 _Ugh his body is so nice_ , she thought to herself, running her hands all over his naked chest.

George, meanwhile, had found a new project. Unsatisfied with just kissing the top of her neck, he had begun to unbutton her uniform, kissing each new inch of exposed flesh he uncovered. He continued, _button -kiss - button - kiss_ , until her bra was completely exposed, and his kisses had taken him deep into her cleavage. Winona could hear little moans escape her lips. Her head was spinning; she could feel herself pushing her chest up to meet his mouth. He looked up and gave her a deviant smile as he allowed his tongue to trace along the edges of her bra. Slowly he finished unbuttoning her uniform, and allowed in to fall open. "Wow", he whispered, admiring her for a moment, then moving back up and kiss her neck.

Winona slipped her arms out of her uniform and shifted her body. Neck kissing was nice, but, to be honest, she wanted his mouth back on her breasts. He obliged her and began kissing her cleavage again, but this time, allowing his kisses to stray across the border of her bra, causing her nipples to feel the heat of his mouth through the thin fabric. She didn't stop him, not then, and not when she felt his left hand reach around her back and fumble with the bra clasp.

"Is this alright?" he asked.

 _Like he even had to ask._

Winona bit her lip and nodded. A split second later she felt her bra loosen , and George sliding it down her arms.

Her nipples were already hard from his incessant teasing, but when he put his mouth on them it was like an intense shot of electricity through them, straight down to her groin. His mouth was so hot as he kissed and sucked, his warm hands so gentle as he squeezed her breasts together. Her little whines grew louder and louder, as she raked her nails along his back, and squirmed in an effort to create some friction against his clothed erection. She could scarcely handle the intense, wild feelings running through her body.

His kisses continued, and started traveling south, down her belly to the edge of her panties. When she felt him slip off the end of the bed, and pull her towards him, she realized what he was going to do. Somewhere in her mind, there was _probably_ an iota of modesty protesting, but all she could think at that very moment was _YES!_

Kissing the inside of her leg, George worked his way closer and closer to the apex on her thighs. Winona felt herself, almost on instinct, open her legs wider to give him better access. Suddenly he was there, kissing her with his hot breath going through panties. She gasped in anticipation.

Slowly she felt his finger slip underneath her panties and pull them to the side, exposing her to him in the dim lighting. And before she could even think about being embarrassed he slipped his tongue into her folds and began to circle her sensitive clitorus, causing her to cry out. She heard him laugh again softly felt him continue. It was amazing, she couldn't think; all she could do was try not to squirm as George swirled his tongue, dipping occasionally down to her vagina, his hands gently holding her legs open. Winona felt the blood rush to her face and her stomach muscle clench.

The waves of pleasure continued washing over her mostly naked body, building up stronger and stronger. She tried to grip a pillow in an effort to regain some control, but it felt too good. In the back of her mind, her subconscious was registering that her screams were probably being heard through the wall, but keeping quiet not feasible at the moment.

Between her legs she felt George switch from twirling his tongue to longer broader licks.

"Ahhh -George!" she screamed out as her body stiffened and conscious thought was momentarily erased from her mind.

He made to continue but she stopped him. She couldn't take anymore. Instead she pulled him back on top of her and met his lips with a passionate kiss. She could still taste her fluid on his lips and chin.

Running her hands down his chest she started to fumble with his belt, trying to open it. She looked up and saw his beautifully bright eyes boring into her own, and felt some satisfaction when she saw a wave of pleasure cross them when she got her hand into his boxers.

She leaned up to kiss his neck as he moaned softly from what she was doing to his penis.

"Should I go get a-" she whispered in his ear.

"You have-"

"I do….if you wan-"

"Yeah yeah yeah I….oh baby." Winona smiled as she felt him pre-come in her hand.

She kissed his neck, "Be right back."

Winona slide out of bed and wandered toward the bathroom. Normally she kept condoms in her bedside table, but she had moved them to the bathroom once she broke up with Zach. She looked at herself in the mirror as she opened the box. Even Winona had to admit she looked gorgeous. Her hair was down, and almost artfully mussed, her eyes bright, her skin flushed. Her newly plumped up breast looked perky and inviting, as did her very hard nipples. She was still wearing her panties but they were soaked through; getting wetter too when she realized that in just a few moments they would be coming off.

Winona walked out of the bathroom and looked over at George standing by the bed waiting for her, completely stripped. _Of course his penis is perfect too,_ she thought slyly looking at his body. As it turned out, that little trail of fuzz her eye had so intently followed at the swim meet let to a soft-looking brown tuft of hair, and a well formed, very hard erection.

She walked over to him and let his hand slide up her body, over her sensitive breasts, to her face, and pull her in to start kissing her again. She felt his bare penis graze her stomach. George broke their kiss and sat down on the bed, and quickly, but carefully opened the condom and pulled it on. He leaned forward and kissed her stomach while she tangled her hands in his golden blonde hair.

Winona closed her eyes and felt him tug her panties down so that she stood in only the thigh highs she had neglected to take off. She stepped out of them and mounted him, easing him inside her.

Once he was fully inside he looked up at her, and they both shared a blush and a smile. She started moving.

Though she wasn't a virgin, there was something different and new about the way she was feeling. George switched positions and laid her down on the bed, his thrusts picking up speed, causing heat to radiate through her. She felt like she was in some smutty eroica story, as she started to feel the kind of pleasure she thought people only exaggerated about.

"Wrap your legs around me", he grunted in her ear.

She did, and felt him thrust deeper and deeper, holding her body close to his, grinding on her most sensitive parts. _Was she going to come again_ , she wondered, as screams and moans started to come from her mouth. _Oh my god, yes_.

Winona felt her back arch against her will as she came, for the first time in her life, from penetration, biting into George's shoulder and riding the high that consumed her.

"Oh, ugh!" Winona heard Georges cries muffled by her pillow, and felt him slow, and pull out of her. Rolling off her, George pulled Winona into the crook of his arm and held her against his chest, not saying anything, letting is breathing slow.

For a few minutes they just lay there, listening to each other's racing hearts.

"I'd better get rid of this", George said suddenly, gesturing to the used condom in his hand.

"I'll do it", Winona said, hopping out of bed quickly.

She crossed the room went into the bathroom and shut the door. Finally alone with her thoughts she realized what she had done. _She had slept with him; on the first date; the date SHE asked him on. She had made Zach wait four weeks! Oh well,_ she thought, _I guess this is over._ Suddenly she wanted to cry. _This wasn't her! She didn't do things like this! She blew it, officially. But she liked him so much! If only she had just said goodnight at the door! By now she probably would have had a cute goodnight message in her com and an invitation to dinner. Instead she was going to get ghosted. Guys like him didn't like girls who were too easy. Guys like George enjoyed a challenge._

Swallowing back tears she slipped off her thigh highs, the pulled on the t-shirt and shorts she had left hanging in the bathroom, suddenly no longer comfortable being naked in front of him. She opened to door to find him lounging in her bed playing on his com. _Probably texting some girl_ , Winona thought suddenly.

He turned his head and his relaxed smile abruptly slid right off his face, "Whoa, what's wrong?"

Winona felt tears come to her eyes, "Nothing", she said, choking them back.

"What? Winona, are you - Oh my God, I'm so sorry. I thought… sweetheart, did you want to do this?"

It was the term of endearment that did it. She started sobbing.

George immediately leapt out of bed and pulled his boxers on. He gingerly approached her. "Please, I didn't mean to pressure you. I'm so so SO SORRY. I just….I wanted to you to enjoy that. If we moved too fast….sweetheart, Winona, I-"

She looked up at him, "No…" she blubbered. Unable to help herself she reached out to him, and pulled him into a hug. He took the hint and wrapped his arms around her.

"Is it your ex? I heard you guys haven't been apart too long, but a asked a few of your friends and they said you were over it..."

"You asked my friends about me?" she asked suddenly startled by this surprising news.

"Of course, I saw the two of you together my first week back. Once I found out you were single...well, let's just say I saddled up to your roommate pretty quickly."

"You did?"

"Ummm...yeah….I hope that's OK…." George said, looking quite embarrassed.

Winona was so confused. She had been so sure that she was pursuing HIM!

"Yes…"

"Then what's wrong baby?"

Winona gulped, "I'm not like this."

George frowned, "Like what?"

"This! I don't DO this. I don't sleep with people on the first date!"

George kissed her forehead, "Neither do I". She could feel his lips form into a smile.

"That's what all guys say!" she said vehemently. "You all are so eager to just jump into bed, and then you're all like "well, I'm actually kind of old fashioned and like taking things slow and… blah blah blah blah blah!"

George was now staring at her like she was nuts, "Winona-"

"No. Let's just face it: you're going to act all cute and cuddly and reassuring tonight, and then tomorrow you're going to say we moved too fast and ruined it. Well, actually now you'll probably just ghost me…."

And she honestly expected him to leave. But he didn't. Instead he took her hand and gently pulled her back towards her bed. "Is that what you think?"

"Yes" she said honestly.

George sighed, "Come here. Come back to bed with me."

"Why?" Winona asked.

"Because you're beautiful and I want to hold you".

Unable to argue with such a sentiment, Winona tentatively slide back beside him in bed, and let him hold her close.

"I'm going to tell you something, sweetheart. And you have to swear you will never let whatever douchebags put this idea in your head know that I told you the secret of the male psyche." Winona knew he was making fun of her, but his tone was so teasing and gentle she didn't mind.

"No man", George said, "in the history of all men, has ever or will ever stop liking a girl because she sleeps with him. In fact, sex makes us like you more. I can tell you right now I'm more likely to chew my hand off than never call you again."

Winona looked up at him, "But…"

"Guys….unfortunately...will sometimes use the 'old fashioned' excuse to get rid of a girl they REGRET sleeping with, or try to convince their current girl that they are willing to wait….. and because they are willing to wait what they really mean is she should just trust him and sleep with him right now, because oh my GOD he wants it so badly."

"That is so-"

"I know! I know! I'm not saying it's nice or logical, but there you go."

Winona frowned, "Have you ever used that line?'

"Only once, to get my high school girlfriend to let me touch her boobs….hand under the shirt but over the bra, if we really need to get into embarrassing specifics."

Winona giggled.

"You have an adorable laugh", George said. "But", his tone got serious, "if this was too fast...if you want to slow down...I DO want to see you again...but, I want to make sure you're always comfortable."

Winona rolled her eyes, "You know,the fact that you kept asking me for permission just made me want to do it more", she said.

"Works WAYYY better than the 'old fashioned' line, don't ya think?"

"You!" Winona sat up suddenly and whacked him with a pillow laughing.

"I surrender, I surrender" he said laughing as she gave him a few more good thumps.

"Seriously though," he grabbed the pillow away from her. "Would you have dinner with me sometime?"

"You don't think I'm crazy?"

"Nah… just misinformed. It's kinda cute actually."

"So then…what do you think this is?"

George smiled, "Probably the best date I've ever been on."

"Really?"

"Really… Actually, I'll prove it to you. Instead of dinner, have lunch with me tomorrow…"

Winona laughed, "Oooo a lunch date! Are we going to have a chaperone too? I thought you said 'old fashioned wasn't a real thing'?"

"It's not...but, I was serious when I said I didn't want to pressure you. Yeah… I mean this was amazing. I'm not gonna lie and say it wasn't or that I regret it...but I'd rather wait until you're 100% comfortable - and that's not a line" he said quickly when he saw her eyebrow raise.

Winona shrugged, "OK - it's a date…"


	4. Together

"It's 10AM, I can officially wake you up and ask: HOW WAS IT!?"

Winona was rudely awoken by her roommate shaking her. She had fallen asleep almost immediately after George left, and an hour or so before Eliza came home at 300 hours.

Rubbing her eyes, she looked at her roommate who was currently bouncing up and down at the edge of her bed, "How was what?"

Eliza gasped, "Umm, his body! His dick?! THE SEX?"

Winona rolled her eyes. Eliza was the definition of an over-sharer, and unfortunately, expected everyone else to be as well. "I don't know what you're talking about".

"Ah, so the scattered lingerie on the floor, the used condom in the bathroom trash, and the man's belt over on the desk are now a part of standard room decor?"

"Ah…."

"Yes...Ah! Starting talking, sister!"

"It just sort of...happened. It was an accident", Winona could feel herself turning bright red.

"Did you slip and fall on his dick? I hate it when that happens..."

"Ugh!" she pulled the blankets over her head. "No!" she shouted from beneath them. "We just had… a really good time at the dance, and came back here, and kissed and things...escalated."

"So I'll ask again….how was it?!"

Winona sat up and lifted the covers from her head, "Eliza, I like him. I really really REALLY like him. I just….I don't. I've never felt like this before. I was just so…. comfortable with him. I felt like….I don't know. Having him touch me felt so, right. Sleeping with him -which was incredible -just sort of felt like what I should be doing - just like a natural extension of the night. I can't explain it…"

Eliza blinked, "Are you in love with him?'

"I DON'T KNOW!" Winona said, honestly. "There's just something about him….I felt it all night. Like a little voice inside me saying 'This is it. You're done.'"

Eliza stared at her wide eyed. "Please never repeat that", Winona said quickly, "To anyone, or even to me when this whole thing falls apart next week."

Oddly enough...it didn't. Their lunch date went off without a hitch, and George did nothing more than kiss her lips, albeit very passionately. They continued talking and going on dates, but everytime he had an opportunity to get her alone and naked, he refrained. Eliza thought the whole situation was ridiculous, "You've already had sex! The cat's out of the bag!" she would say. At times, Winona agreed, but when she brought it up to George, he only reassured her that he wanted to wait until she was completely comfortable with him. It was clear her crying fit had caused him a great amount of concern. On one hand, she appreciated it. She never thought it would have been possible to backtrack, but she kind of liked that they had decided to put the physical stuff on hold until they developed a deeper connection. On the other hand however, she was so, so, SO attracted to him.

* * *

One their 7th date, three weeks after their wild romp, Winona suggested they do something more casual: pizza. Unfortunately, when they got to the restaurant, it was insanely crowded.

"A 45 minute wait for pizza?" George asked the hostess, incredulous.

"Sorry, sir, Saturday is our busiest night."

George turned back to Winona, "What do you want to do?" he asked her.

"I really want pizza", she said guiltily. In truth, she had read about this place weeks ago, and actually laid off carbs for 2 days in preparation.

"If you want take-out the wait is only 10 minutes" she hostess suggested.

George looked at Winona, questioningly. She knew he had been avoiding going back to either of their dorms. In truth, she had been too. She knew exactly what would happen if they went back; she wanted it too badly for it to not. It was far easier to just stay in public spaces and avoid it altogether. They still weren't exclusive or official or anything, but, they were seeing each other so frequently they might as well have been. And she knew now what she had suspected their first night together; she wanted to be with him; for real, in a serious relationship. She had never wanted anything so badly.

"Take out would be great", Winona said to the hostess, not looking at George.

Third years got their own dorms, though there was talk of that being phased out. They went straight back to his place without talking about it.

Winona was pleasantly surprised by how neat it was. She sort of suspected it to be messy - most guys were. When she commented he just shrugged.

"My dad was in Starfleet when it was a lot more… militaristic. He's neat as a pin sort of passed it on to me and my brother. Made my mom happy."

"I'll bet", Winona laughed. "Is that them?" she asked pointing to a picture.

"Yep".

Winona was a little surprised. His dad was much much older than his mom, at least 20 years by the look of it. They looked so happy together though.

"23 years", George said suddenly.

"What?"

"That's the age gap in case you were wondering."

"Well, it doesn't really matter…"

George smiled, "It doesn't, not to them anyways. My dad never planned on marrying or having kids. He had a pretty traumatic childhood …. plus it was really really hard to have a career in Starfleet and a family at that time, but then he met her. He told her she was way too young for him, but she didn't care. They only knew each other for eight months when they got married, then they had me right away… then my little brother. They wanted a girl too, but then my mom got her diagnosis…" George stopped suddenly, "I'm sorry, you're starving and this isn't important."

"No, no!" Winona said, "It's OK, really… is she...alright", she asked, knowing the answer.

George took a deep breath, "No", he said. "It's a degenerative disease...my brother and I were tested for it, and we don't have it, or the carrier gene for it, thank god, but she…. Well, she was OK for a while, but she's been in a steady decline for the last few years. I'm hoping she'll see me graduate but I don't know-" his voice cracked suddenly, overcome. Winona could see his eyes start to water a bit.

Quickly she stepped forward and pulled him into a hug, and felt him give a small sob into her shoulder. Feeling her heart breaking she pulled him closer and tears began to form in her own eyes. She had no idea. George always seemed so happy and lively. She never would have guessed he was dealing with this.

"I'm so sorry", she whispered into his shoulder.

He pulled away wiping his eyes, "No I'm sorry...you didn't need to hear that."

"It's OK, really, you can tell me", she said, "You can tell me anything."

He smiled alittle, "I know. I just...I don't really talk about it much. A few Professors know, but only because they're friends with my dad."

"If you ever want someone to talk to…", Winona started.

George didn't let her finish, and pulled her into a hug, kissing her forehead. "You're wonderful. You know that?"

Winona laughed, "Look, you made me cry too!" she said, trying to get him to smile.

"I need to stop doing that", he said, causing her to blush crimson.

And she couldn't help but smile. She knew it then. She was absolutely crazy about him. She was in love with him. As she watched him get plates, bantering with her, talking about his parents, still a little embarrassed by his emotional outburst, all the questions she had about him clicked into place. Why he was so sensitive, why he could read her feelings, why he put her first, and why hadn't run when she freaked out. He knew about real problems, had witnessed real love between his parents, known heartbreak beyond a bad break-up, and had a real devotion to family. She didn't just want to date him anymore. She wanted to be with him.

"Red or white?" George interrupted her thoughts.

"Huh?"

"Wine. I have red or white, it's not exactly $400 a bottle scotch, but I'm pretty sure it goes better with pizza."

"Red", Winona said.

"Atta' girl."

After they finished eating Winona sat quietly at the small table in his apartment style dorm. It was dark out. Normally, by this time, she would have been back in her dorm, but she found herself slowly sipping her wine...delaying her departure. He seemed tense. Like he was trying to decide something.

"Do you wanna watch a mo-"

"Yes!" she said before he could even finish his sentence. Anything to stay here, with him.

George smiled, "OK, I have some popcorn somewhere around here. Gimme a sec to find it. Do you mind moving the wine over to the couch?"

"Sure."

Winona watched as he turned his back, and looked over that the small couch, then straight past it to his bed, her heart pounding. He wasn't going to make the first move, she realized. He had in her dorm three weeks ago and it had ended with her crying. He actually liked her...alot. Winona understood, at that moment, that he wasn't playing "the long game", and he wasn't trying to figure out if he liked her. He had already decided and he wasn't going to risk pushing her away by trying to sleep with her.

Leaving the wine on the table she wandered over and sat on the edge of his bed. He turned around, and to his credit, very quickly masked the excitement in his eyes.

"What are you doing over there?" he asked, neutrally.

"I don't wanna watch a movie", Winona said with a smile.

Unable to help himself, he smiled back, "No?"

"No."

"Then what do you want to do?"

Suddenly, she was no longer nervous. He wanted this too. He wanted sex, but he also wanted them. This wasn't casual, maybe it never was. But she now understood what he meant when he said 100% comfortable. This...this is what he meant.

Winona just smiled as a response and pulled off her t-shirt. When he didn't move, she stood up and pulled off her jeans. Her underwear didn't match this time, but she could tell he didn't give a damn. When she put her hands behind her back to undo the clasp on her bra he started towards her.

"Are you...sure? You want to…"

"Do you want to...sleep with me?" she actually said it.

"Absolutely… yes, OK….I am trying to think of other ways to say 'yes'", he said quickly. "But are you OK with this? This isn't too fast. I can honestly say I did not expect this."

Winona rolled her eyes and just unclasped her bra as an answer, enjoying how George's eyes focused themselves intently on it and watched it fall to the floor. They then bounced right back up and settled themselves on her bare breasts causing her nipples to harden.

Simultaneously they closed the space between them, meeting in the middle with a furious kiss. Winona felt his arms wrap around her, and something poking her through his clothing.

"Put your hands on me", she whispered through their kisses, and immediately felt his right hand retreat from her back and cup her breast, his thumb working on her nipple.

They walked backwards back to the bed and Winona lay down on her back, watching him take his shirt off and undo his belt as quickly as he could. She laughed when he got completely distracted by her shimming out of her panties, and stretching out, completely naked in his bed.

"Jesus, Winona…" he said, kneeling over her, his eyes taking in every inch of her body.

She just leaned up and kissed him, "I want this," she said, "I want to do this." To prove it, she slipped her hand down his chest and got on her knees facing him in bed. She gently pushed him down on his back, and changed position so that she was kneeling between his knees, hovering over him on all fours. "I like you." She said simply.

Winona began trailing kisses down his chest, and little tuft of hair on his stomach. She pulled a pony tail holder off her wrist and tied her hair back, grinning the whole time. Slowly she lowered her hot mouth over his penis, causing a little moan to escape his lips. She tased a tiny drop of a salty fluid, and began by swirling her tongue over the tip, then deep throating his full length.

"Ahh, baby!" she heard him cry out.

Encouraged she kept going, and began sliding his perfect penis in and out of her mouth, using her had to handle what her throat could not. She started going slightly shallower and dipped her hand down to touch his balls, massaging them gently, allowing the saliva on her hand to facilitate her caresses.

Suddenly she felt his hands under her armpits pulling her back up. and towards him. "I can't take much more of this, and we are so far from finished", he said kissing her lips.

George flipped her onto her back and started kissing her nipples, reaching his hand down to her soaked vagina. Winona opened her legs, eager for him to touch her, to make her come.

"Do you want me to go down on you?" he asked.

"Uh huh!" was about all she could manage.

Smiling he worked his lips down her body, over her belly button, over her hips, over her small tuft of pubic hair, until her reached her clitorus.

"Ah! George!" she screamed out. _Oh my god he was so good at this_. The familiar sensation on melting into her bed came washing back over her, and she tried to push her legs even further apart to give him as much access to her body as she could physically manage. She felt one hand grip her hip in an effort to hold her still, and the other reach up to toy with her breast. His relentless tongue twisted and circled, causing her to soak the mattress beneath her.

He pulled back and started kissing her inner thigh, allowing her to still for a moment. She blushed a little when she realized he was staring at her vagina, clearly mentally detailing the moment intimate part of her body.

"What are you doing?", she asked breathlessly.

"Enjoying the view", he said with a wicked grin, before putting his mouth back on her, pulling her into a full scale orgasm, twisting and convulsing in his sheets.

Somewhere in the distance, as the sound of blood pounding in her ears faded, she heard George rip open a condom, and felt him touch her entrance with the tip of his penis.

"You're OK with this?" he asked, _again_.

"Oh my god, YES!" she said laughing. "100% OK with this!" she used his words.

She felt him slowly slip inside her, and pull her leg over his shoulder. Face to face he began pushing into her body, as Winona fell back into her abyss of pleasure. Every part of her seem to be throbbing; he felt amazing inside her.

"Want to be on top?" she heard him say.

 _On top? Yes… that sounded like a fabulous idea!_ Winona switched positions and mounted him,letting him guide her movements with his hips, feeling them get into a steady rythm. Her face started to flush as she felt another orgasm welling up inside her. George stuck his fingers in his mouth and reached down to let her grind her clitrus on his slippery fingers. _That did it._

"AH!" she screamed again, everything going dark for moment. She kept going though, and soon enough she heard him grunt, and he slowed too.

Sliding off him she sprawled on his chest, panting. W _hy had she waited three weeks to do this, again?_

Gently his lifted her chin. "That was amazing", he said.

She smiled, "Yes it was."

He softly stroked her hair. "Do you want to stay over?"

"Hmmm maybe?"

"We could actually watch the movie?''

She leaned up and kissed him, "Or we could not…."

"Well, now you're definitely staying over."

Winona laughed.

They stayed up late into the night talking, and made love once more before going to sleep, though she felt like she could have gone all night. He fell asleep first, holding her close to him, and she watched the shadows play over his handsome face, his dark golden hair catching the little bit of light sneaking in from outside.

* * *

"Why are we up so early?!" Winona whined as George dragged her through the streets of San Francisco. She was out and about waaay too early for her taste, but George was, apparently, an early riser.

"Getting the BEST bagel in town", he said, as if it were obvious.

Winona scowled, _Oh god, pizza for dinner and now a bagel for breakfast, she would have to hit the gym later_. "Why do we have to do this at 8AM?" she cried.

As if to answer her a huge line appeared out of nowhere. "That's why", George said sighing. "I usually try to get here before the line forms. They are the only place in town that still hand rolls their bagels….It's sort of my Sunday thing to go here and get one…."

"What time do you normally get here?"

"6:45AM"

"On a Sunday?!"

"I really like their bagels! They're delicious."

Winona couldn't imagine anything delicious enough to rouse her at 6:45AM on a Sunday.

"So you're late", she teased him.

"Well, I usually don't have a gorgeous temptress lying in my bed to contend with."

"Usually...so what happens when you do?"

"I don't make it here until 8AM and have to wait 45 minutes for a bagel".

"We're going to wait on this crazy line!" Winona squawked.

"Trust me, it's totally worth it."

She was about to protest when -"George!" a voice called out.

Winona turned and saw a vaguely familiar looking man walk over with whom she could only assume was his wife.

"Captain Robau", George called out, "Elena!" A pretty brown haired woman around forty bounded up and pulled George into a tight hug.

"Wonderful to see you, George!" she said. She turned to Winona, "And you are?"

George, wide-eyed with terror, opened his mouth to speak, but Winona cut him off, "Cadet Winona Elliot", she offered her hand.

Elena looked Winona and George up and down and grinned. Suddenly Winona became very aware that she and George were at a bagel shop at 8AM and she was wearing yesterday's clothes. Elena bit her lip, "Darling", she said to her husband, "Is our table ready?"

"Should be."

"Come sit with us", Elena grabbed Winona's hand, "Oh dear", she added to the waiter, "please add two extra seats to our table."

"We don't want to intrude-"Winona started.

"Yeah, it's fine-" George added.

"Oh nonsense", Elena brushed their comment's off, "George- I want to meet your new girlfriend."

 _Girlfriend!_ Winona felt her heart flutter. _Were they? They hadn't talked about it…._ She looked at George who was now actively engaged in a conversation with a very apologetical looking Captain Robau.

She swallowed, "How do you know George?" she asked pleasantly.

Elena launched into her story, "I've known George since he was in diapers!" she explained, causing George to put his face in his hand. "I was his baby sitter when he was….oh about 8 months old! He was the CUTEST little thing! He could fill up a diaper though! If you know what I mean!" George looked like he wanted to kill himself.

Elena explained that she had been a teenager when Mrs. Kirk hired her. She looked after George's brother too, and travelled with them when Mr. Kirk moved around for Starfleet. When he transferred to the Academy, Elena had followed the family to San Francisco, and it was Mrs. Kirk who had actually introduced her to a young Cadet named Richard Robau.

"Richard was Tiberius's protegee!" she said, holding her husband's hand. "He really looked after him, gave him recommendations, advice, he basically fast tracked him to Captain!"

"Elena-"

"Of course you absolutely deserved it dear", Elena smiled at Robau.

"Anyways...we've been trying to do the same for our little Georgie poo...since his father is retired."

"Elena", her husband interrupted, "You've scarcely touched your food..." _Sorry_ , he mouthed at George, who was beyond mortified.

She took a quick bite, "Anyways...George, why didn't you tell us about this lovely girl!"

"Well-" George began.

"Elena, it's none of our business", Robau interjected.

"Oh hush!"

"I-"

"We're still sort of new", Winona said quickly, trying to stymie the inquisitive woman.

Elena frowned, "Really? How many girls are you dating, George?"

"Elena!" Robau shouted. "Enough!"

Winona frowned, a pit in her stomach forming, "No, continue", she said, staring at George, her happy high from the night they had spent suddenly gone.

"Well….I was on the com with George's mother two weeks ago. She told me he was dating 'the most beautiful girl in Starfleet', that he was absolutely crazy for her, but you just said you were new?"

"I'll bring the muzzle next time", Robau said to a red faced George.

"Same girl", George grimaced.

"Oh!" Elena breathed, "I knew you weren't like that George. I guess three weeks is still pretty new…..But I still say you should have brought her around! You haven't been serious about anyone for so long!"

"OK, I think I'm full!" George said quickly.

"OK darling, it was so WONDERFUL to see you AND meet your girlfriend!"

George pulled out his wallet, but Robau waved it away, "I think I owe you this one" he said, holding back a laugh.

"Thanks. You ready?" George asked Winona. She could tell he was dying to leave.

"Yeah", she said.

George quickly kissed Elena on the cheek and shook Robau's hand, but before he could pull Winona out of the small cafe Elena called out, "You must come to dinner next Friday! Bring your girlfriend! Lovely to meet you Winona!".

George strode quickly out of the cafe and walked down the street as fast as possible, pulling Winona by the hand toward a bridge. Once they were a safe distance he turned around and said, "I am SO sorry about that! I did not know they'd be there."

Winona just laughed, "It's really OK!"

George ran a frustrated hand through his hair and stared out across the bridge. He looked so funny when he was flustered!

"She's...well...she's a wonderful person, but a little… kooky sometimes."

"Really, I found her fascinating."

"Fascinating?" George asked tentatively.

Winona debated torturing him, but decided against it. He had definitely been through enough. "I'm looking forward to dinner next Friday?" she said, almost questioningly.

George visibly relaxed. "You are?"

"Yes...I mean of course she'll be expecting 'the most beautiful girl in Starfleet' I hope she won't be surprised to see me there."

George wrapped his arms around her waist, "I think she'll be expecting you."

"Did you really tell your mother about me?"

George smiled, "I might have let it slip…"

Winona kissed his lips, "Anyone else?"

"Well, I might have sent your profile picture to my high school friends… you know… bragging rights."

She laughed, and felt her heart flutter. "So...then...this thing that we're doing…."

"Thing, that's a good word for it."

She wrapped her arms around his neck, "I guess."

"I might have a better word for it."

"Do you?"

George pulled her in close, "Do you...do you want to be my girlfriend?"

* * *

"I do", Winona said.

"Then by the power vested in me by the Federation, I am happy to pronounce you husband and wife!", the clerk exclaimed.

George pulled Winona in for a deep kiss to the rapturous applause of their friends and family. The two years that followed since that day on the bridge were a happy blur. George and Winona quickly because a fixture on campus; Eliza jokingly referred to them as Starfleet Barbie and Ken. A little more than a year after they began dating, George proposed. Four months later, six days after Winona's graduation from Starfleet Academy, they got married.

Winona was somewhat surprised at herself. She never imagined getting married at twenty five, to a guy she had only known for two years no less, but George, from the get-go, felt right. They rarely fought, got along with each other's families, and supported each other fully in every endeavor. The past year had been mostly distance, as George was deployed as an Ensign, but it made little difference; in fact it only made them stronger. She wondered how she had ever even considered being with anyone else. She watched her friends go through break-ups, and make-ups, drama and affairs, and found herself wondering why they dealt with it, grateful she had found her soul-mate.

They had initially planned on waiting a little while to get married. Live together, officially, and enjoy being engaged. But that ended when George's mom took a turn for the worse. She did see him graduate, but it was clear that she wasn't going to make it to the wedding, which was supposed to be one year after Winona's graduation.

"Let's just do it," Winona said one night, over their com date. George was on assignment.

"Do what?"

"Let's push up the wedding!"

George looked at her seriously through the screen, "I thought you wanted to live together first?"

She shrugged, "We basically lived together last year. I think I spent at least five nights a week at your place. Eliza joked that she was the only second year on campus to have a single!"

"It's not the same…."

"George", Winona said, "I love you. I want to be with you. I want to be your wife. Living with you for a year and pretending to give it a trial run isn't going to change anything."

"Alot of people say that."

"What? You think I'm gonna stop loving you because you leave your socks on the floor?"

"Actually YOU leave your socks on the floor-"

"And has it changed anything?" Winona interrupted.

"Of course not!"

"Then…"

"It's just...I don't want you to do this for me. Sweetheart...this is the rest of our lives. We are going to be together, grow old together-"

"I know, that. That's why it doesn't matter. We could get married tomorrow, or in ten years. It wouldn't change anything. We are going to be together...for our whole lives."

George smiled sadly, "I love you, you know that?"

She grinned, "I love you too. And I love your mom. I want her to be there. We're not just doing this for her, we're doing it for us. Fifty years from now it's not going to matter if it's our 50th anniversary or our 49th, but it will matter that your mom was there. To both of us."

Samantha Kirk made it to the wedding. It was a good day for her. She felt her pain fade away as she sat and watched her son promise his life to a beautiful wonderful woman, who had become like a surrogate daughter for her and her husband. She was happy Winona would be there for her family when she passed, just five weeks later.

George took it so hard. Worse than his father even. Winona tried to be supportive, but, a month after the funeral, he was still in a slump. Of course it hurt that Elena had relapsed. As it turned out, her quirky personality, and lack of boundaries came from a psychiatric medication that managed a severe chemical imbalance that caused depression. She had managed it her whole life with medication, but had gotten much better when she married Richard. He grounded her. They never had children though. Elena was afraid of passing on her mental health issues. She took it hard when Samantha died; the whole family did. She had been the rock of the Kirk family. Without her, Elena had fallen back into self-harm. Fortunately Richard was able to take some time off, and get her back on track, but it took a toll on everyone.

Three months after their honeymoon Winona got some very unexpected news. She knew she was late, but she had been so preoccupied with trying to pull George out of his funk, she had sort of just put it to the back of her mind. Besides… they were barely having sex. Because of that, though, they had gotten sloppy with their birth control. Winona had gone off hers when it ran out after the honeymoon, because George was supposed to get a small injection that would keep them good for 6 months. It kept getting pushed off, however, dealing with his mom's will, his elderly father's health, Elena, and they had long ago stopped using condoms. Winona knew she should have told him no, or insisted on a condom, but he wanted sex so infrequently she didn't want to ruin it. He just pulled out.

 _Stupid!_

Wandering into their loft Winona found George quietly playing a game on the com screen. He needed sleep and a shave, but he still looked so handsome to her.

"Hey", she said, softly.

"Hey", he looked up and her from the sofa. "What's up?"

Winona swallowed, "George you need to stop this."

"Stop what?"

"This. You need to pull out of this. You can't -"

"I know", he said quietly, "I'm sorry. I just. I knew she was going to die for so long. For as long as I can remember. I just...I wasn't ready when it happened."

He pulled his wife onto the couch, "I'm sorry. I've been a bad husband. I'll get better, I promise. I just need a little more time. Sweetheart…I do love you."

Winona looked away sadly, her eyes starting to water. _George was so upset, so broken, and now this!_

"Hey...I have an idea," he said suddenly, "Let's go on a date tonight. You and me. Let's go to that new sushi restaurant! I hear their sake collection is amazing!"

Winona tried to laugh and cry at the same time -coming out as a snort- o _f all the things he could have suggested!_

"What is it, sweetheart?" George peered into her hazel eyes, so concerned.

 _Now or never_ , she guessed. _Maybe if she just said it….sort of like ripping off a band-aid_. "I think sushi is a bad idea", she said quietly. "George, I'm pregnant."

George blinked, "What?"

"I know! We were stupid! The pull-out method never works! I just….Please say something", Winona said to her stunned husband.

"I'm gonna be a father?" he whispered.

Winona frowned, she had expected him to freak out - the way she was. They were too young! Only 25 and 26! Their careers, which were demanding as hell, were just starting! They had no money and a tiny loft apartment. She did want kids with George, but they had decided to start trying on their five year wedding anniversary. It was supposed to be the big advantage of getting married so young. They didn't have to rush.

"I...yes?" she answered him. To her amazement he smiled the happiest smile she'd seen since their wedding day, and kiss her lips passionately. He then slid to the floor and started kissing her stomach.

"That's wonderful!" he breathed.

"But… George...our plans" Winona started.

"Can be changed", he interrupted. "This is amazing…Sweetheart-you're sure? You're 100% sure?"

"Uh yeah". Still in shock she dug into her purse and pulled out a tiny picture. It was the sonogram image taken than day. It looked more like a blob than anything, but the doctor has assured her that it was, in fact, a baby.

George stared at it like a blind man seeing again. He stood up and pulled her with him. "I love you so much", he said pulling her into an embrace.

"Why aren't you freaking out?" Winona asked, taken aback at his very unexpected reaction.

"I don't know…" he said wistfully. "I just...I want a baby with you. I know it'll be hard, and complicated, but...I know we can figure it out. I love you. Plus its pretty impressive that I managed to knock you up in the five or six times we've had sex in the last 2 months!"

Winona smiled. It was going to be OK; suddenly she knew it. George was going to be OK, Tiberius was going to be OK, Elena was going to be OK. Her marriage was going to be OK. They were going to have a baby! Even if they didn't know the logistics now, they would figure it out.

"Maybe", George said, "if it's a girl, we can call her Samantha? Sam for short."

Winona bit her lip, "Actually…"

"You know the sex?"

"They sort of told me before I could say no….It's a boy."

George's face lit up, "A boy? What about Jim then?" Jim was her father's name.

"What about George?" she countered. "In my family...we name boys after their father."

He tilted his head, "Won't that get confusing?"

"Maybe we can call him by his middle name?"

"What do you have in mind?"

"Samuel."

* * *

Sam was born a month early in perfect health. Winona recovered quickly. Because they were married and had a child, Starfleet went above and beyond to make sure their little family wasn't separated. Lt. Kirk and Ensign Elliott brought their baby with them on missions, to space stations, everywhere. Because she specialized in deep space navigation, Ensign Elliott usually served on longer missions, giving her husband ample opportunity to advance, which he might not have had without his connection to her.. Though...at times… she was frustrated.

Sam didn't have the best timing. Starfleet didn't penalize mothers, but the six months she had taken off after the birth of her baby had allowed the Cadets of the year under her to lap her. George took time too, but, because he wasn't breast-feeding a baby he was much more available. They had gone back to using birth control after Sam was born, but Winona wondered if she shouldn't. She had a young child now. If she waited until her thirties to give birth to her second, Sam would be in school already. She'd have to do the baby thing twice. George wanted more kids. She did too, but it annoyed her that her career would suffer another derailment just as it would be starting to pick up steam.

Just as Sam was turning two she made a proposition to George. They would have their kids now. Of course it meant she would stay an Ensign for the foreseeable future, but she would (hopefully) be finished having kids around thirty, then she could really focus on her career without trying to plan around pregnancies anymore. George was racing his way up the chain of command, so they could more than afford it. Plus, once he was a First Officer or Captain, he'd have a lot more control over missions. He would basically be able to pick and choose, and he would be able to staff Winona on his ship. They had decided, as a couple, to keep her off the bridge. It would create too much tension in their marriage, plus she could excel faster in engineering without the fear of being called out for nepotism.

Winona reasoned that most Starfleet women had their kids in their thirties. By being done with that part of her life, she would actually be at an advantage.

George agreed, and it didn't take them long to conceive their second child, though they made sure not to accidently learn the sex before it was born. It was a Kirk family tradition for the sex to be a surprise.

George had time to tell his father about his second grandchild before Tiberius passed away. George took it much better this time. His father was in his eighties, after all, and had lived a good, full life.

With George's inheritance, they bought a small house just outside of San Francisco, finally moving out of their little loft. They wouldn't be there much, but George figured they could rent it out when they were away, and it would be nice to have a real home for their kids when they weren't.

One day, when Winona was seven months pregnant, George wandered into their newly furnished living room, clearly in a mood.

"What's up?" she asked. She felt enormous. This baby was a lot harder to carry than Sam had been.

"Nothing...I just...nevermind."

"What?"

"Don't worry about it."

"George!" she snapped, "What?"

"I'm just annoyed at Richard."

Winona frowned, "Robau? Why?"

"He….he literally has the worst timing!"

"That doesn't sound like Richard."

George rolled his eyes. Robau knew George had been bucking for a First Officer opportunity, but, for Lt. Commanders, they were few and far between. George was only thirty. He didn't have the experience for a promotion, and First Officer was almost always held by a Commander. Robau, however, had just taken a short assignment on an 800+ person scientific survey vessel - only 4 weeks. He had, that very afternoon, asked George to serve as First Officer. It would give him experience in a commanding role, and, hopefully, open the door to more First Officer commissions.

"That's great baby!" Winona exclaimed.

"It leaves in a week!"

"Oh."

George looked at her guilty. He still wasn't over missing Sam's birth. He had been away on assignment while Winona stayed with her mother. The baby wasn't due for a month! Somehow, Sam had managed to stay put until the day George got back, but she was only in labor for six hours. George had needed nine to get to her. She didn't mind, per say. She had her mom and best friend Eliza with her, plus she was pretty sure whatever was going on 'down there' was absolutely disgusting, and wasn't super inclined to have her husband poking around. She had heard from some males friends that watching their wives give birth was like watch their favorite bar burn down. She loved how supportive and helpful George was during her pregnancy, but, at 26, she wanted to go back to being his hott, sex kitten wife, as soon as her body would allow. But she knew, when he burst into the hospital room to find her cradling their newborn son, that he was devastated to have missed it.

"George-" she said softly.

"I already told him no."

"Without talking to me?"

George suddenly grabbed her hand, "I'm not missing it this time. I'm gonna be there."

"It's really not that great…" Winona said.

"At least you got to be there!"

"George, I have to be there. That how babies work, remember?"

George scowled, "Fair point", he conceded. "I want to be there though, I need to be there."

"You will be", she said soothingly. "But I'm not due for another 2 months."

"That's what we thought last time!"

"George-"

"No! Winona!" he practically shouted. "This is too important to me."

"What if…." Winona started.

"What if what?"

"Well...I know this sounds a little crazy… but hear me out. We want you to get promoted, right? It'll make things so much easier for all of us if you can choose your missions and staff me. We won't have to be at the scheduler's mercy anymore…."

"There will be other missions…"

"But...you're taking paternity leave soon, which will put you behind. And Richard is right. All you need is one, then the other Captains will see you a First Officer material...it's an easy fast track. Once you're off paternity leave….you're set."

"But-"

"I know...I know you don't want to miss it. So I have an idea. I'll come with you. The medical facilities on these ships are as good if not better than any hospital. I'm not a civilian. Richard knows me, and I'm not even due until after the mission. Sam can stay with my parents and I could come with you. This way...if the baby comes...you'll only be a turbolift ride away."

George walked over and kissed her cheek, "You're brilliant, and beautiful, and wonderful." He held her close, "How did I get so lucky?"

"You have a really really nice...heart" she said with a mischievous smirk.

George laughed, "OK, I'll go call Richard." He kissed her.

"Hey, baby?" Winona called after him. "What's the name of the ship?"

"Um...The USS Kelvin, I think."


	5. Without

_Year: 2233_

Winona didn't go to the funeral. She couldn't. Fortunately, a four day old baby provided more than enough of an excuse. He was such a sweet baby, too. For all the difficulty she had in carrying him, he seemed to be going easy on her, which was fortunate because Winona was at a breaking point. Her mother stayed with her, but they didn't speak. Winona didn't want to talk. All she wanted to do was hold her baby, rock her baby, sing to him, feed him, and kiss his sweet little forehead over and over. He was the only thing keeping her sane.

Winona could already see his eyes starting to take their permanent color; George's bright blue, which he had inherited from his mother, Sam. James Tiberius Kirk. He was her final gift from George, and one of her two lasting connections to the man she had wanted to dedicate her life to.

A month later she heard about Elena - the only other woman on the ship who had lost a husband, thanks to the sacrifices of theirs. Without her darling Richard, her mental state detriorated, and one morning her friend found her in the bathroom with her wrists slit. Winona was furious her nieces hadn't been watching her more closely, but there was nothing to be done. In truth, there were times when Winona would stare at the knives in her kitchen herself, thinking how much easier it would be, how good it would feel for the pain to stop, only to be woken from her day dream by the hungry mews of her son, and the feeling of her breasts filling with milk in response.

For awhile, the doctor's worried she would get postpartum depression, even though she had taken the necessary precautions during her pre-natal care. But sometimes she thought she would have welcomed it. It had to be better than this. Her mind kept replaying that day over and over. Not the day of the attack; the day her beloved George had pulled off a miracle, saved all those people; won in an unwinnable scenario. No - Winona regretted the day she innocuously formulated the plan to join her husband on that _fucking_ ship. The day she told him to accept the assignment that ended his life. There was nothing she wouldn't have given to take back that day.

George would have survived. He would have been devastated by the loss of his friend, but he would be alive. They could have taken care of Elena. Of course she cursed herself for being so selfish: without George, hundreds would have died, but he'd still be here, with her.

Captain George Kirk was given the highest honor Starfleet had, and was held up as an example for other young cadets to follow. In death, he received all the glory he had sought after in life. She knew she should have been proud of him, but she just put away the medal given to her for his service, and despaired at the thought of her sons growing up fatherless.

The couldn't find the ship that attacked the Kelvin. It had appeared out of nowhere, and disappeared back into the blackness of space. After 6 weeks they reduced the search force, and Winona knew they had given up.

* * *

Two months after the death of her husband, Winona found herself sitting face to face with reality. Her enlistment was almost up, and Starfleet had sent a counselor to talk her through her options.

"Ensign Elliott", Counselor Lee said, "First let me convey my gratitude for your husband's service. And my deepest condolences."

The older woman looked at the small child in Winona's arms, "Is that him? The baby that was born-"

"Yes", Winona cut her off. She didn't care that she was being rude.

Lee smiled sadly, "He's a beautiful baby."

WInona said nothing. _Of course he was a beautiful baby - he was George's baby!_

"Anyways", Lee began, "I came here today to help you navigate this...challenging time."

Winona just blinked.

"Now...as you know, you're entitled to 6 months maternity leave, and one month bereavement leave… a total of seven months. Now...that just didn't seem like enough to me….Your late husband had been in the system for his two month paternity leave. I have convinced Starfleet to give that to you as well. A total of nine months paid leave."

Winona felt anger bubble up inside her... _was she supposed to be grateful? She had just lost her 30 year old husband, become a widow at 29, had a three year old, and an infant to care for! Why hadn't they found that fucking ship?_

"Ensign?"

"What happens after that?" she snapped.

Lee sat back in her seat, "Well….as you know, we have options for Starfleet parents. Once you re-enlist, your sons can go back into the Families Program - find ships with assignments that allow for children. You can rest assured, after everything your family has been through, you will have a lot of leeway. Also, Starfleet is willing to bump you up to your husband's salary - his Lt. Commander salary."

 _That was news….that meant a 60% raise._

"And what about my children?" Winona asked coldly.

"As I said, George, and his little brother can go back into the Starfleet Famili-"

"Absolutely not," Winona snapped.

Lee frowned.

"My children are NEVER going into to space", she cried with a sudden vehemence. "That ship! That ship came out of NOWHERE! It attacked a PEACEFUL vessel with NO provocation, and then it DISAPPEARED!"

"Ensign-"

"No! You can't find it! Starfleet is giving up!"

"I can understand if you're afraid-"

"I am not afraid of anything!" Winona said poisonously, "I have LOST everything", she annunciated. "But if you think, for one second, I'm going to let my babies NEAR a Starship…."

Lee sighed, "OK then...we have boarding schools, but they're so young…."

"They're not going to boarding school."

Lee was so confused. "Are you sending them to live with your parents?"

"No."

"Then-"

"I'm not re-enlisting." Winona said.

Lee gasped. She hadn't expected this. "Ensign, I understand this is a traumatic time but-"

"I've made up my mind. Nothing matters anymore - not me, not my job, not my career, and definitely not fucking Starfleet. The only things that matter are George's babies - I have to raise them, take care of them, keep them safe. It's about them now."

Winona looked up, "I can't be a good mother in Starfleet. I can't take them with me. It was crazy of me to think that I could. If George were still alive, I would pull them out of your program and quit right now to be a stay at home mother. But he's not. But I'll be _damned_ if I put them in danger. I need to stay here. With THEM. I'll find work as a civilian."

Lee was quite taken aback, "Of course dear. But...you do have nine months paid leave to think about it. Please take that time…."

"My mind is made up."

Lee sighed, "Of course you will always have an open invitation to re-enlist. But if you're out for more than a year, you'll have to re-complete basic training….I can try to get your paid leave gifted to you as a lump sum….but you won't have the benefits anymore - the free healthcare, the housing credits, the tax exemptions… We pay our people well but not monetarily… "

"I'll be fine", Winona said coldly. "If I re-enlist now, I'll be committed for the next four years. I just finished my mandatory enlistment from the Academy. I'm not re-enlisting. Now please leave… it's time for Jimmy's nap."

Seeing it was no use to try to persuade her, Lee got up disheartened. Before coming she had read the woman's file. She was brilliant- genius level, in fact. Definitely smarter than her late husband. It struck Lee then then that before the Kelvin attack Winona Elliot had had everything; brains, ambition, beauty, youth, beautiful children, and a wonderful husband. The shattered woman she had met with was not the Winona Elliot in her file. Lee resolved to get the settlement for her, and hope that one day soon, she would again find happiness.


	6. Jenna

_Year: 2237_

She hated this building. Winona sat on a sticky, fake leather chair waiting for her name to be called, watching the clock - fully aware that every second she spent here meant paying the babysitter even more. It was like watching her money trickle away.

When she finally sat down with a social worker, Winona made her case. She had applied for a welfare stipend 6 months ago, and heard nothing. She was a 33 year old single mother with two children under the age of 10. She had documented proof that she had been looking for work. She lived in a modest building in a safe area. She had family, but they were on a retirement stipend and lived in Iowa. She produced bank account statements documenting where every penny had gone over the last four years. She had been thrifty, she had been smart about her money, but now, with only $3000 left in her checking account, she was at the end of her rope.

The social worker blinked. She was much more accustomed to dealing with teenage mothers.

"It says in your file that you have a PHD?" she asked.

Winona sighed, "From Starfleet - it's a equivalent...not exactly the same thing."

"What's the difference?"

"It places more of an emphasis on hands on training and testing, rather than theoretical research."

The social worker raised her eyebrows, "Huh…."

"It's…. it's a degree meant for an officer on a Starship. We, I mean they, need more practical knowledge, so the degree is tailored."

"Oh...OK…"

"As I was saying, I have no idea what the hold up has been! I have checked every loophole - I am the PERFECT candidate for state aid."

"Why can't you get a job, Ms. Elliot?"

Winona blinked, taken aback, "I legally changed my name to Kirk two years ago", she said coolly.

"I'm sorry….Mrs. Kirk. I'm sorry to be blunt, but this isn't adding up… You are incredibly well educated, well spoken, you seem ambitious...People like you don't usually wander into my office."

"No one will hire me…" Winona said calmly. She had found herself caught in the ultimate paradox. She had tried to get skilled work in the long range shipping industry, but her expertise made her over qualified - the shipping companies technically saw her education as a PHD, and they only require a college level for even the most complex tasks. Though she readily agreed to take a pay cut and make their standard wage, their contracts with the unions forbid them from underpaying her, or hiring her as non-union. The work she was to be doing wasn't worth what they would have had to pay her, so they all closed their doors.

What was ridiculous about that was, while the unions saw her as a PHD, research facilities only viewed her as a holding a Masters, and were uninterested in hiring her unless she completed a 7 year program, which accepted her, but wouldn't pay her a stipend due to her age. The Federation ceased providing student stipends at 28, unless already enrolled.

Winona then tried to get unskilled labor, not in her field, but encountered a new set of issues: because her resume was "too impressive", employers saw her as a woman seeking a place-holder position, and no matter how much she reassured them that she intended to stay, it wasn't worth it for them to train her.

"So", Winona concluded, "As you can see - I have been trying to find work. I just...I don't know what to do. If you have a suggestion...I'd be happy to hear it."

The social worker frowned; the woman before her made an excellent point. She looked again at the file and noticed a little flag on her screen.

"Mrs. Kirk, it looks like you've been denied a welfare stipend because you have been refusing a job offer."

Winona frowned, "No...I haven't."

The social worker looked up, "Starfleet is willing to hire you. It says here that you have a standing offer to re-enlist at anytime. The salary is great - the benefits are incredible. Didn't you go to the Academy?"

Winona stiffened, "I did."

"Well, then...why?"

"I have children, Miss - "

"You can call me Jenna."

"I have children, Jenna. Starfleet will require me to be away from them for months at a time."

"Didn't you have them while you were in Starfleet?"

Winona swallowed her temper, "Yes….but….I had a husband…."

Jenna scrolled through the file, "I see, I'm sorry… But, he was in Starfleet too, wasn't he?"

"What are you implying?" Winona spat.

Jenna had been through much worse that this angry woman, "Well….what was your plan? Were you going to stay at home? That doesn't really make sense given your education… How did you and your husband intend to raise these children if you're telling me that you can't be a parent and enlisted at the same time?"

"We were going to take them with us…" Winona stared wistfully out the window. The Families Program had been suspended...indefinitely. Once Starfleet realized they couldn't track down the ship that had attacked the Kelvin, parents, now terrified of another unprovoked attack, had started pulling their kids off of ships and space stations. Finally, it became no longer financially feasible to maintain it. The decision to suspend had caused great upheaval within the organization, and, rumor had it, caused a lot of drop-outs and divorces.

"Oh...I see", Jenna said quietly. "Have you thought of relocating to your parents' home?"

"Yes...but there is no work out there, and they can't afford to take on all three of us."

"What about your late husband's family?"

"Dead...his brother is in Idaho somewhere, but we lost touch. I never knew him well, and I doubt he'd be in a good position to help."

"OK…. What street do you live on again?"

"Moray?"

"I didn't know your building had two bedroom apartments."

Winona bit her lip, "It doesn't. I put a wall up."

"That's illegal!"

"Everyone does it."

Jenna clicked her tongue, "It's not structurally sound."

WInona gave her a look, "Your file says I can build a fucking starship, do you really think I can't put up a goddamn wall?"

"There's no need for language, Mrs. Kirk." Jenna said in a calming voice. The woman in front of her was clearly on edge.

She swallowed, "I'm sorry. It's….I have the boys with a babysitter, and I pay her by the hour and I have been through ALL of this before! Can you help me or not?"

Jenna paused. This woman would have been so beautiful were it not for the haunting look of despair in her eyes, and the aggressive lines permanently etched into her face. She had clearly been through hell, and probably needed a shoulder to cry on more than she needed anything else. But Jenna had to do her job; that didn't mean though, that she had to do it without compassion.

"OK Mrs. Kirk", Jenna said brightly. "I think we should meet here again in two weeks time. I would like for you to have a job by then. We'll go from there."

Winona stood up. _Was this woman deaf?_ "Um…."

"Have a great day!" Jenna pushed her out the door.

Thoroughly confused Winona wandered out of the building. She started panicking again when she realized that she hadn't resolved anything, and had wasted $80 precious dollars on a sitter. Furious she headed towards the subway when she felt a hand grab her arm.

Turning around, she was shocked to see Jenna.

"I think we need to talk, Mrs. Kirk."

* * *

Dollars still ticking away, Winona found herself in a small diner with the social worker.

"Would you like anything, Mrs. Kirk?"

"Water is fine."

Jenna nodded, "I'm sorry I threw you out of there so fast. You probably don't know this, but all conversations regarding minors are recorded. Federation law."

Winona shrugged, "I have nothing to hide."

Jenna blinked, "Yes you do. I'm not going to sugar coat this for you, but there is no way you are getting that stipend."

"But I'm the perfect candidate", Winona cried, attracting the attention of some of the diners.

"That's why. Mrs. Kirk, I know you're still hurting over your husband, but I deal with girls who would do anything to be in your shoes….who truly don't have any options. I have one girl...three kids by two fathers. The first two were from an abusive relationship, she left him afraid for her life, and third was resulting from a rape. She only has a high school education, her family is insanely religious. They abandoned her for getting pregnant out of wedlock….she's only 19. I feel for your situation, Mrs. Kirk, you're in a tough spot. But I have to give state money to her...not you. We have a limited budget, and I have to make some tough calls."

"But-"

"I'm sorry. This shouldn't have happened to you. I'll admit, you have had some pretty bad luck, but I can't ignore that fact that you have a standing job offer."

"You cant make me take a job I won't do!" Winona said vehemently.

"Of course not", Jenna said, "but...this is why I wanted to get you out of my office. I'm not supposed to be doing this, but...based on what you told me in there…. I need to start putting together a case against you...to give the state custody of your sons."

Winona felt the blood drain from her face, "You can't", she whispered, "I won't let you, I…."

"Oh believe me, I can, Mrs. Kirk. It's my legal obligation to protect minors."

"Protect them from what?!"

"Well...in this case...poverty."

Winona put her head in the hands and started to cry, "This is so unfair!" she banged the table, "I'm a good mother! You'll help some teenage girl, but you can't help me?"

Jenna sighed, "I don't think you're a bad mother. In fact, you sound like a wonderful mother. But you don't seem to be willing to do what needs to be done."

"I can't-"

"Let's look at the facts Mrs. Kirk. You are educated for a Starfleet career. You had your children while enlisted. You were married to a Starfleet officer. Now, I know the two of you had a plan, but it didn't work out, and I'm so sorry. But you are now the mother and sole provider of a 4 year old and a 7 year old. You have no job, no means of getting a job, you live in an illegally converted apartment, and you only have enough cash on hand to cover yourself for the next month or so. Children are expensive-they need clothes, food, shelter, and four weeks from now, you will be able to provide none of that."

"They need their mother!"

"Not as much as they need food."

Winona fell silent. Jenna continued, "I don't want to take them from you. Please believe me when I say I don't. I think it's awful what happened to your family, but your sons depend on you now. You alone. I know it wasn't supposed to be like this…. but it is. You need a new plan. If you're open to that...I can try to help you."

Winona only nodded, tears streaming down her face.

"Re-enlist. Do it today, before you go home. Have a sit down with them tomorrow, and get your salary information, leave time, and benefits in writing - sign the agreement. Talk to your parents tonight. Your boys aren't babies anymore. Your 7 year old should be fairly self sufficient, and your parents aren't that old. Change your son's legal residence to your parents home, and have them sign on as custodial guardians. When you sit down with Starfleet have them divert at least 50% of your salary to your parents' accounts so they can care for the boys while you're away. Then get them the hell out of San Francisco. The courts will want to see that you have already taken action. By the time you come and see me in two weeks, they should be settled in their new home in Iowa, and you should be legally moved into Starfleet accommodations for ONE person, and signed a lease agreement in conjunction with your service."

"Now, Mrs. Kirk, it is vital that you bring me proof that all of this has happened. Unfortunately you look terrible on paper. Quitting Starfleet will be seen as irresponsible, and potentially indicative of a nervous breakdown. I KNOW that wasn't the case, but that's how it will look. You have spend three and a half years trying to find work, and run down your assets. God-forbid you or your boys get hurt or sick; you have no safety net. We need to see that you have gotten your act together financially, and are capable of providing a stable home for your children. We need to see a sound plan that you're sticking to. Do these things and I'll ask to withdraw my case."

"And if I don't you take them…" Winona said quietly.

"I'll move forward. And unless you miraculously find work, they will be taken from you by the end of the month and placed into a group home- then foster care. And it will be the worst case scenario. They're a little of the older side to be adopted, and the courts don't like to approve the adoption of children with parents who are still living and willing, if not able to take them. Maybe if you forfeited your rights…but it still gets messy down the road, I can already tell you're the type of woman who would attempt to reclaim custody at the first possible opportunity. They would likely remain in the system until they are 18, unless you can get back on your feet. But...I have to warn you; it's harder to get them out than it is to prevent them from going in. The arrangement I just proposed to you probably won't sway the courts to give them back to you."

"You people are monsters!" Winona cried,"How is this supposed to HELP children!"

Jenna sighed, "That's why I'm here, talking with you, off the record, in this diner. The system isn't great, but it does shield kids from the worst case scenario, but I don't think that's you."

"Talking to me...more like threatening me!"

"Leveling with you. I need to do my job. I can't give you a stipend. You don't qualify. As long Starfleet exists, you won't qualify." Jenna took Winona's hand, "Sometimes, being a parent means doing things that are hard. Things that your kids don't like or understand, that you don't like. But you brought them into this world, and you owe it to them to protect them to the best of your ability.

"I have been!"

"No, Mrs. Kirk...you haven't", Jenna said simply. "I know mothers don't want to hear this, and I'll bet my life no one has the guts to say this to you after what happened, but you need to hear it. You're failing. As a parent, as a provider, and yes, as a mother. You've used your pain to shield yourself from making some very hard decisions, but time's up. You can't put this off any longer. Either you do this...or you terminate your parental rights and give them up. If you can't step up to the plate, someone else will have to."

Jenna squeezed the now sobbing woman's hand, "It'll be OK. They will be OK. They have you, and they have grandparents, and they have each other. Kids adjust...it's incredible, but they do. And I think, once you're no longer stressed about finances, you'll see that you can be an even better mother to them, even if you have to go on assignment."

Winona couldn't stop crying, "You think so?"

"I know so. I'll see you in two weeks."

As Jenna walked out the door, Winona realized the social worker hadn't paid for her coffee. Too numb to be annoyed she pulled out her wallet, but the waiter stopped her. "Don't worry miss, Jenna's a regular..she keeps a running tab."

"How often is she in here?" Winona asked.

"At least five times a week."

* * *

"It's only 8 weeks", Winona told her boys.

"How long is that?" Jim asked, his wide blue eyes innocently staring up at her.

"Too long", Sam answered. He was trying to hide it, but Winona could tell he had been crying. She had followed Jenna's advice, to the letter. Starfleet had welcomed her back with open arms, the beautiful tragic widow of the heroic Captain Kirk. He had become something of a legend there, with monuments and scholarships named for him. But that didn't exempt her from an eight week stint in basic training, which was mandatory after her four year leave of absence.

Jenna had kept her word and asked to withdraw her case, putting Winona's mind at ease. Re-enlisting had been swift, and she was immediately plagued with messages welcoming her back. It was like she had never left - she only made one small change; she reinstated herself as Ensign Kirk. At 25, she had been adamant about keeping her own name, even though George desperately wanted her to take his. Now that he was gone, she regretted having refused him anything.

Sam didn't take the news well. Though he loved his grandparents, he was angry at being left in Iowa with them. Surprisingly it was her baby, Jim, who had quelled her broken heart.

"It's OK Mommy", he told her, "I'll take care of Sam….we won't be sad. Promise."

Winona held back tears, embracing her darling boy on the porch of her parent's house, "I'll be back so soon. You know that, right? I'll call you on the com as often as I can. I PROMISE - you will never go more than three days without hear from me."

Jim nodded and smiled, allowing her to kiss him.

"Honey", Winona heard her mother say, "you need to get going if you're going to make the shuttle."

Winona looked up at the window to Sam's room. He had refused to say goodbye to her.

Winona nodded and stood up, "You be a good boy. Go to school and listen to grandma and grandpa. And when I come home, we'll go back to the ice cream shop in town, OK?"

"K!" he said happily.

"Sam", Winona called out, "I love you. And I'll be home soon."

* * *

And so it went. Winona was given 10 precious weeks of leave time a year, though, sometimes she managed to swing getting assigned to the Academy for the summers and could have her boys come live with her in her studio while they were on school break. Though Starfleet had rescinded their Lt. Commander salary offer, she found herself more than able to make ends meet; living of the edge for so long had taught her a frugalness that amazed even the best spendthrifts.

Even more than that, though, despite the heartbreak she felt each time she had to say goodbye to her darling boys, she found that her life had gotten better. It was good to be working again, to have and see friends, and to flex her intellect in a challenging setting.

Four years passed quickly, and she found herself re-enlisting again. The very next day she was sent a message from the San Francisco Family Court: the record of the inquiry against her had been expunged. There would be no further investigation.

Winona scrolled through her contacts and found an old com address and sent a quick four word message:

 _Jenna- Thank you. ~Winona_


	7. Frank

_Year: 2242_

"Bed time", Winona said sternly.

"Mom! Come on Mom!" her boys whined at her. They were on summer break and staying with her in San Francisco in her studio. She had a bunk bed installed for them, but they were quickly out-growing it.

"I mean it. You have a shuttle to catch at 700 hours tomorrow morning, and I'm not dragging both of your butts down to the port!" It was their last night together. Against her better judgement she had let them stay up to midnight, but she was pretty sure she was going to end up regretting that decision when she woke them up in five hours to pack.

"Finnnnne!" Sam snapped and flipped over; he was snoring inside of a minute. He still insisted on having the top bunk.

Winona picked up her PADD and quietly wandered towards the door of her apartment.

"Where are you going, Mom?" she heard his voice in the darkness. Jim, like her, was an incredibly light sleeper.

"I have some work to finish up. I'll be downstairs at the cafe, alright?"

"K"

"Goodnight Jim".

"Goodnight….hey Mom?"

"Yes?"

"Do we HAVE to go home tomorrow? I'd rather stay here with you…"

Winona sighed. He always asked, even though he knew the answer, "Yes, sweetheart. School starts Monday and I'm leaving the planet on assignment in five days."

"I know….I just thought I'd ask."

Winona walked over to his bed and kissed the top of his head. "I love you. And we'll be together at grandma and grandpa's on Nov 11th. OK?"

"OK… love you too, Mom."

Closing the door to her small apartment, Winona realized she needed a drink. It had gotten easier, saying goodbye, knowing she wasn't going to see them for months, but every now and then she was still overwhelmed.

Settling down in her customary corner of the cafe, she ordered a glass of red wine and began working on her files. When it came however, the waitress surprised her by saying it had already been paid for.

Winona looked up and saw an attractive dark haired man in his late forties raise his glass to her. Caught unawares, she smiled at him on instinct, only to realize she had just given him permission to come talk to her. _Crap!_

"Good evening", he said, settling himself into the chair across from her.

 _Well, this was awkward._ "I just wanted to say thank you", she said quickly.

"You're welcome…" he paused waiting for her to give her name. When she didn't he said, "I'm Frank."

"Hi Frank", she said and quickly looked down at her PADD.

"And that's the second time this evening you've avoided telling me your name."

"I…."

"Oh don't worry...it sort of adds to your intrigue."

Winona frowned, "My what?"

"Your face", he said, "It's like a story -heartbreak, joy...struggle."

She rolled her eyes, "A story? What are you? Don't tell me...some sort of writer?"

"Actually,yes", Frank smiled. "I write historical novels- fiction."

"Sounds fascinating" Winona said trying not to sound too sarcastic.

"So what brings you to this part of town?"

"I'm in Starfleet."

"Makes sense."

Finally she'd had enough, "Im sorry, I've just had a long day, and need to get this done. Thank you for the drink!"

Frank was not to be deterred, "I understand - what about tomorrow? Would you be more available then?"

Winona blinked, "Trust me buddy, I've got more baggage than you can handle."

"So you don't date?"

"No", she said pointedly. "I have two boys, 9 and 12 years old sleeping upstairs. They're father died nine years ago, and I have to raise them alone. I am a deep space navigations specialist, so I get to see them 3 maybe 4 months out of the year, if lucky. I don't date. My free time goes to them -all of it. So thank you, that's the third time now, for the drink, but, I'm not going to go out with you."

Surprisingly Frank just smiled. He got it. He explained that he too had been a single parent. He had gotten his high school girlfriend pregnant, and they tried to make a go of it as a family. They had two more boys before they divorced and she left for a colony on the outer rim. She wanted an escape...wanted to start over. To balance being a single dad and raising three boys he had started writing, and was actually surprisingly good at it. He didn't have a ton of money, but he did well.

Winona just sat nonplussed, reminded of the time a wonderful woman named Jenna had shaken her back to reality. "I'm sorry", she said softly. "Sometimes I get a little carried away in my own problems."

"No worries… still haven't got that name?"

"Winona", she said.

"Well, nice to meet you, Winona".

* * *

Winona gasped as Frank lifted her onto his countertop and plastered her bare-back against the wall. Breathing hard she felt his bit-like kisses dig deep into her neck, lingering between the cusps of pleasure and pain. Pulling his face up to hers once again she bit his lip, and dragged him away from the counter towards his bed.

Instead of allowing her to pull him onto it, he wrapped his arms around her from behind, and let his left hand wander up to her naked breast, and his right reach down into her panties and caress her with all the gentleness his kisses lacked.

"Ahh, oh my god".

"Come for me", he whispered in her ear, "Come on, tell me it feels good."

"It does it does-AHH" Winona's vision went blurry as an orgasm ripped through her like fire. She felt herself collapse against his chest, and let him gently lay her on the bed. He slowly and calmly crawled over her, kissing her belly, trailing up over her soft breasts and back to her sensitive neck.

Winona let her eyes wander down his taunt back, and her hands roam his biceps, enjoying the sensation of his mouth on her. Suddenly his mouth was back on hers again, and he was lowering himself onto her body. He smiled and brushed the stray hair out of her face, and reached over to grab the condom on his night stand.

Excitedly, he removed the rest of his clothes, and pulled off her underwear.

* * *

WInona left for her assignment, wrestling with feelings of confusion, lust, and a little guilt. After Sam and Jim left, she decided to take Frank up on his offer for drinks. Those drinks had turned into a passionate four day affair that left her reeling. When George died, she had let that part of her go to the grave with him, or so she had thought. Frank was the first man she had been with in nine years. Of course, she had never had the opportunity to date before. Her name and back-story prevented any male Starfleet officers from pursuing her while she was on assignment, and when she was home...that time belonged to her kids.

As a lover, Frank was not George. He was decidedly rougher, dirtier, and, though she would never admit it, more ...skilled? It was clear he had been with alot of women. ALOT of women. In just four days she had seen a very impressive bag of tricks; the kind one collected over decades of affairs and dalliances. When she departed for her assignment she assumed she would just be added as another notch in Frank's very nicked bedpost. She didn't mind. It had actually been wonderful to feel a man's hands on her again, to share a bed with a warm body - to feel attractive and wanted, but she was so sure it was just an act. Which was why she was shocked as hell when he began messaging her after she left.

"I want to see you again", were the first words out of his mouth when she finally agreed to speak to him over the com.

"I'm heading to Iowa the day I land", Winona replied.

"Can I see you there then?"

Winona raised her eyebrows, "Don't you have something better to do?"

Frank shrugged, "I'm a writer, remember? I work from wherever I happen to be. I can write in Iowa."

"I need to spend time with my sons."

Frank sighed, "What time does your shuttle get in?", he asked.

"I land in San Francisco at 1200 hours, then I have a 4 hours debriefing. Then I have to go home, pack, and catch a shuttle to Iowa at 2100 hours.

"So...really, you won't be home until the next morning?"

Winona scowled, "I'll get into my parents place around midnight."

"Won't your kids be asleep already?"

"Yes."

Frank smiled warmly, "Look, I don't want to keep you from them, but how about this? Change your shuttle to 7:00 AM the next morning, and have dinner with me the night you get back. Unless they're nocturnal, you'll only loose an hour or so with them."

Winona shook her head, "I want that hour."

Frank sighed, "Listen beautiful, I know...I know what it's like to be a single parent and think your whole life has to be about them. But, you can take an hour for you...they'll be fine."

"Frank-"

"Look, if you don't want to see me again, that's fine. I don't think that's true, because you wouldn't be talking to me right now if you didn't…. but if you want to play that game, so be it. But - you are allowed to have a life, Winona. You are allowed to have fun. And I can be ALOT of fun...as you already know…."

Winona rolled her eyes, "I'll think about it."

"That's all I needed to hear."

"Goodnight, Frank."

"Goodnight, beautiful."

* * *

Winona was taken aback by her mother's joy when she informed the her that she would be back the morning of the 12th instead of the night before.

"That's wonderful, honey!" she exclaimed over the com when Winona told her the reason for her delay was to go on a date.

Winona blinked, "Really?", she said skeptically. "I thought you would say I'm being selfish…"

"Now why would I say that?"

"Because I'm coming home late...to have dinner with a man."

Her mother smiled sadly, "It's been nine years, my love. I think it's been enough time…"

Winona swallowed. _Was it? How do you ever get over the death of the father of your children?_ "Do you think the boys will mind?"

Her mother made a face, "I'll tell them you got delayed...but...eventually, they'll have to accept their mother dating. I do think you should wait until it's serious though."

 _So now would not be a good time to mention that her relationship with this man was purely physical._

* * *

Frank arrived at her apartment to pick her 6PM. She was surprised when he immediately let himself in and lingered over her kitchen counter, staring at her like he could taste her flesh in his mouth.

She supposed it was the new dress. Her dates with him had been very casual….naked was probably a better word. After George had died she had simply stopped buying nice clothing for herself. She wore a uniform when she was on assignment, and jeans and t-shirts when she was with her kids. She didn't go out. So accepting her date with Frank meant an investment in a new dress, shoes, and make-up.

"Should we go?" she asked, interrupting his starring.

"Oh… reservation isn't until 9", he said with a grin.

"They why did you want to come over at 6 when….oh."

Still grinning Frank grabbed her dainty exposed wrist and brought it to his lips, sending shivers down her spine.

Trying not to get caught up she said, "Isn't that a little presumptuous? I may not have played this game for a while, but I'm pretty sure you're supposed to buy me dinner first."

"Why?" Frank asked.

Winona frowned, but continued to allow him to kiss his way up her bare arm, working his way slowly to her shoulder. When he got to her neck she gasped, "I don't know, etiquette?"

"I've never been much for etiquette" he whispered between kisses on her neck. Winona almost violently shuddered. The things this man could make her body do… His lightest touch seemed to be able to put her in a heat.

Frank's hands slipped around her waist, and gripped her hips, squeezing her flesh through the thin fabric of her dress. Slowly his fingers began to bunch it, pulling the hemline higher and higher, all the while kissing her neck and exposed back.

"Are we even going to dinner?" Winona asked laughing softly.

Frank stopped suddenly, and turned her around. "Of course, then a 20th century art show at midnight...then dancing. I have a whole night planned, but I wanted to make sure we had time for this" he slipped his hand beneath her dress and touched between her legs slightly, causing her to moan involuntarily "before you have to catch your shuttle."

Winona grinned, "So much for a long seduction."

Frank pulled her in close, "We're adults, Winona. I know exactly what I want, and I go after it. You might be the most beautiful woman I've ever laid my hands on. You knew where this date was leading - exactly where you wanted it to. But...I do want to take you out. I've been done with the kid thing for a while, and I like to have fun. So - why don't you let me spend the next three hours making you scream, then we can paint this town red, without worrying about whether or not we'll have time to rip each other's clothes off at the end of the night."

* * *

"Sam, Jim" Winona cried as she slammed the door on her cab, and embraced her sons. "I missed you so much!"

"Missed you too, mom" they muttered, and Sam wiggled away. He wasn't quite as affectionate anymore, now that he was getting older, but she could still usually catch him off guard when she first came back from assignment.

"I thought you were coming in last night?" Sam said.

"I was delayed...didn't grandma tell you?"

"Yeah..."

"Mom, guess what!", Jim interrupted.

"What?"

"I WON first prize! At the science fair!"

"Did you?! Why didn't you tell me?"

"Stop bragging, Jim", Sam snapped.

Jim looked at his brother fearfully, then continued, "I wanted to wait until I could show you…. look!" Jim held out a small odd looking device - "First Prize - Micro- Terrain Scanner with solar-regeneration"

"See - it's scanner to tell you what's in front of you when you're on a planet. It uses echolocation, like a bat, but uses the light patterns of the sun to project-"

"God, you're such a nerd!" Sam grunted and slapped the device out of Jim's hand and stomped away.

"Sam!" Winona called after him, shocked at his behavior, bending to pick up Jim's scanner.

"He's mad at me", Jim said quietly.

"Why?"

"He was in the fair too...but he didn't place. He said I shouldn't have won because I'm in the 5th grade… I offered to help him when he was working on his, but he said no."

"This is an amazing project, Jimmy", Winona said softly. "I'm sorry I missed the fair." _And his swim meets, and when he was awarded valedictorian of his middle school..._

Jim shrugged, "It's OK. I got the idea from the project you were working on over the summer."

Winona smiled, "Come on, let's get some ice cream."

Later that night she had a serious conversation with her mother. She was worried about Sam. Of the two of them, Jim had always had the sweeter nature, but she was disturbed by Sam snapping at his little brother like that. Her mother sighed and explained. Sam was jealous. He was a smart boy, but Jim was exceptionally bright, and his teachers were starting to notice and give him special attention. Jim wasn't even supposed to be in the science fair, but his instructors had been seeking new challenges for him. It was hard on Sam, who didn't want to have a better little brother.

"Maybe it's a good thing that we just had you", Winona's mother said. "If you had had a sister she would have hated you. Jimmy's got his mommy's brains."

Winona sighed, "I'll try to spend some time with Sam on his own this visit. Maybe I can talk some sense into him. Jim worships him… I don't want them fighting."

By the time she left for her next assignment, Winoma hoped had had patched things up between them, but was still worried. Her parents were too old and too feeble to play referee, and any teacher was sure to take her youngest's side. Her heart ached when she thought about how Sam had somehow gotten the short end of the stick. Jim was smarter, more charismatic, and looked like a tiny clone of the man Sam revered as a hero - their father.

Somehow she found herself talking to Frank about all of this.

"There isn't much you can do, Winona", he said. Since their date in San Francsico they had been speaking on the com fairly regularly, though he wrote her almost daily. One perk of dating a writer was that she never had to complain about the lack of love letters. But what she found most helpful was the advice he had regarding her sons. He had already raised three on his own.

"But he's so miserable!"

"Baby, life isn't fair, and Sam is learning that now. I'd be more worried about if him if he WASN'T jealous."

"There has to be something…"

"There is. Make sure you treat them both equally. Love them both equally. Sam will find his own niche in time, and when he does, be supportive, and make sure Jim is too. It takes some people longer than others. It doesn't mean those people aren't worthwhile, or can't achieve greatness. Look at me! High school drop-out, knocked up my high school girlfriend. I struggled for years until I found what I was good at. Sam will find it too. Trust me. He just needs some support until he does."

As Winona looked into Frank's earnest brown eyes on the screen she suddenly felt a surge of gratitude. Since they started dating she had almost come back to life. She never realized how she had been blocking out the world, pushing people away, and denying herself happiness, until one day, in a tiny cafe, he had decided to break through her icy veneer. Now her life was more than just passing the time on assignments until she could get home to her boys. Instead of locking herself away in her quarters to get a jump on the next day's work after her shift, she spent time in the mess hall making friends and building connections. What was more was she stopped feeling guilty about enjoying her assignments. Frank made her feel alive again, after almost a decade of darkness.

"So…" she began, "I was wondering...What are you doing from June 5th to July 1st?"

"Working on my new book?"

Winona bit her lip, but remembered her mother's advice coming back to her, _they would have to accept their mother dating sooner or later…_

"Would you want to spent a week in Iowa? I'd like you to meet my boys…"

* * *

Jim slammed into her, knocking her down. Winona tumbled to the ground laughing as she watched her youngest high-five Frank.

"Sorry, Mom", he said apologetically, pulling her back up. Jim came up to her shoulder now, just a few inches shorter than his brother. Starfleet kept Winona in great shape, but she was pretty sure that they would be too big to play football together in a few years. It was just as well - Sam was now a teenager, and beginning to want to spend less and less time with her and more with his friends. She still had a few more years with Jim though.

Her sons had taken to Frank's arrival surprisingly well. She had originally intended to introduce him to them as her friend, but decided, as the last moment, not to lie to them. She pretended not to notice how Frank's face lit up when she referred to him as "her boyfriend." He didn't stay with the Elliots, but was close by at an inn down the road. It actually worked out better. Winona wasn't quite sure how she would feel about having sex with someone who wasn't George with her boys and parents in the house, and was relieved to not have to cross that bridge now.

As she watched her children and Frank walk back towards their picnic she couldn't help but think about how this was how it was supposed to be - a lazy summer afternoon, playing in the grass, eating lunch outside; parents and children, just enjoying each other's company. Though the picture wasn't quite perfect. Frank's dark hair and olive skin stood out in stark contrast to her tow-headed boys, Sam's light blonde, and Jim's deep gold; Winona felt a tiny pang of guilt and sadness.

Settling down to the blanket Winona looked around the park. There were so many families out and about. One couple in particular caught Winona's eye; a young couple, as young as she and George had been when Sam was born, playing peek-a-boo with their year old daughter. They looked so happy, and so very in love. Frank seemed to be watching them too.

"Mom", Sam said, bringing her out of her daydream . "Can we eat?"

* * *

On his final afternoon in Iowa, Winona took a stroll with Frank into the little downtown area. His visit had gone better than she could have hoped. Jim and Sam seemed to accept him without question, her parents liked him, and he had just seemed at ease with her family. She found herself not wanting him to go.

"Hey…" Frank said suddenly, "it's the couple we saw at the park the other day." He pointed to the young family seated at Jim's favorite ice cream cafe, laughing as their baby tried ice cream for presumably the first time.

"So sweet", Winona said. "Sometimes I miss the baby thing."

"Baby thing?"

"You know… when they're really little. Of course they're a ton of work, but...I don't know...it's almost magical. Sometimes I'm sad that Jim's infancy was such a difficult part of my life...I would have loved to have been able to really enjoy it."

Frank put his arm around her, "You're incredible. Life won't always be so hard….you'll see."

Winona smiled at him, "It's actually gotten alot better since you forced me to tell you my name."

He laughed, "Now you're just flattering me."

"No, really", she stopped suddenly and turned to look at him. "I sort of shut myself down...for years. You made me ...I don't know… rejoin the world of the living again. I didn't realize I could be a mom, AND, in Starfleet, AND happy too."

Frank kissed her forehead, "I'm glad I make you happy." Grabbing her hand he said, "Come here, I want to show you something…"

Frank grabbed her hand and pulled her towards a store - Thank Heaven. It was a store for baby girls.

"Do you know what my one regret in life is?" He asked her suddenly.

"No?"

Frank stood outside the store looking in, "That I never had a daughter. Don't get me wrong, I love my boys, but...I sometimes I think I should have remarried, had more. I just never got around to it. Did you ever wish you had a little girl?"

Winona was too taken aback not to answer honestly. Before he was born, she had sort of hoped Jim was a girl, "Yes...I do, but, well...I…"

"Winona, I know we haven't spent much time together, and I know this is sudden… but...I love you."

"I love you too", Winona said, almost automatically, too stunned to think.

Frank shook his head, "No, you don't...it's too new, and you're too cautious. But...I think you could love me…" he kissed her lips, "in fact, I think you will love me…"

Looking back at the baby store he said, "We make sense, Winona...I always thought we did, even when I first met you. You are, without a doubt, the most beautiful, intelligent, strongest woman I have ever met. But life hasn't been easy for you… for either of us actually."

"Marry me", he said simply.

"What?!" Winona pulled back, looking at him like he was crazy. "Frank, we have known each other less than a year - seen each other just a handful of times in person...you've just met my kids….I just...why rush?"

Frank gestured back at the store, "That's why."

"Winona, I know this seems crazy, but it's not. I have travelled the Federation -I KNOW what's out there, and I KNOW that you are , without question, the best thing I could ever hope to call my own. And I could be so good for you, for your kids….I write for a living, I could do that anywhere. If we were to get married, I could move here. I could ease some of the pressure off your parents, because let me tell you - once Jim and Sam are in high school, they're gonna be more than they can handle. I know boys...I've raised them already. And you have great boys and you're a wonderful mother...but...sooner or later, they're going to need a father. Someone to talk to about sports, and shaving, and ...well...sex. I could be that for them."

Winona swallowed. It was what she had been secretly dreading… the day when being their mom just wasn't enough. "What does this have to do with a baby store?" she asked.

Frank exhaled, "Isn't it obvious? I want to have a baby with you."

Winona blinked.

"I know it's impulsive, but I'm sure about this Winona, sure about you, us. I'm 47 years old. You're 39...there isn't alot of time for us left. Five years ago, I would have wanted to wait, but waiting now could mean missing our chance. Let's get married...take a chance...have the daughter we've both always wanted. I know you'll still be in Starfleet, but you will have maternity leave, and I do know how to take care of kids."

"Jim and Sam…" Winona started to say.

"Will be surprised, and a little resistant, I'm sure. But, if we present a united front, we can handle them. They'll adjust, and once they meet their new baby sister…. Winona they're going to love her so much. Actually- when she grows up to be as beautiful as her mother, I probably won't even have to worry about her, they'll be so protective."

Winona swallowed, "If you wanted a girl so badly why didn't you...I don't know...hire a surrogate?"

"Because she was just a pipe-dream until I met you. But knowing you….I want a daughter as smart, and strong, and brave, and beautiful as you are...and I want her to have a real mother to teach her, raise her with me…"

"What if it's a boy? You and I don't have the best track records when it comes to making little girls."

Frank shrugged, "I'll love him just the same, and he'll have the best mother and brothers he could ask for."

"Let's do this Winona...let get married. Let's be a real family."

And she couldn't say no. She couldn't…. the picture Frank painted was too beautiful...exactly the life she had always wanted.


	8. Departure

Her parents were overjoyed; they loved Frank, and loved his willingness to be a stay-at-home father to kids that weren't even his. Her friends came out for the small wedding in Iowa, and, exactly one year to the date after she met Frank, she married him, and took her first ever vacation away from her kids on their honeymoon.

Frank moved out to Iowa, and into her parents home. They had decided it would be best not to transition Jim and Sam out of the home they'd grown up in yet, but Frank talked about moving to a better school district the summer before Sam started high school. It would be better for Jim, he reasoned, to be in a more challenging environment.

Sam was livid. He only begrudgingly came to the wedding. Though he didn't remember his father, save for a few flashes, he practically worshipped his memory, and flat out told Winona she was "betraying dad" to marry Frank. Sam still called him 'dad' as opposed to Jim, who simply referred to George as "his father". Though his words hurt, Frank encouraged her to hold her resolve. She could tell though, that he hadn't expected Sam to react quite so terribly.

Another conversation she wished she had had before jumping into a marriage was parenting styles. Frank was actually quite strict - much more so than she or her parents were, and even Jim was starting to chafe. Frank insisted on a strict curfew, homework being done immediately upon coming home from school, neat bedrooms, and chores. Whenever Winona came home she had always demanded as much of the boys' time as they would allow her, and never really insisted that they help their grandparents around the house beyond cleaning up after themselves. With her salary, her parents could afford a maid, so it was fine. Frank, however, believed chores to be an important part of learning about hard work and responsibility, and refused to give her sons pocket money unless they earned it.

What was worse was, when she argued with Frank about this, he refused to lighten up, stating that, since he was the primary caretaker, he needed to be able to make, and enforce the rules, and that, in all honesty, her boys were out of control. Because she felt guilty for having to leave them for months at a time, they had never been given boundaries, and had spent the last 6 years running amok while Winona was off-world.

"They listen to you, Winona", Frank said over the com one night. "When they call you to complain about me, you cannot undermine me, or make compromises with them. They are your KIDS, they need to do what YOU tell them to. And you need to transfer that authority to ME."

"I just think you're being a little hard on Sam…" Winona began.

"No, I'm not DAMMIT" Frank yelled, "Sam is 14 years old! 8:30PM is a perfectly reasonable curfew for him on a school night! And he NEEDS to tell me where he is!"

Winona sighed. Technically she knew he was right, but he just...approached it so poorly. Sam had to be handled in a certain way. It took him six months to start speaking to her again, after the wedding. She sent him to a family counselor and com'd in for the session, and after a few months the therapist explained what the problem was. Sam felt inadequate. He had been jealous of Jim for years, but now it was really starting to surface. His baby brother was a bonafide genius, and already taking high school classes through a special program, even though he was only 11. It was humiliating for Sam to have his little brother not only at his school, but in the honors versions of the classes he was only doing so-so at. The only thing Sam had that Jim didn't was a fuzzy memory of their father - a heroic Starship Captain. Jim didn't even get to meet him. But now that his mother was married to Frank, that memory had less and less value. It hurt even worse that Frank actually got along better with Jim.

The counselor also cautioned that Sam might try, consciously or unconsciously, to sour Jim's relationship with her and Frank, and pressure him to act out against them. Apparently this was a common problem when one sibling was so much more gifted than another. Her recommendation was to continue working with Sam solo, and for his mother and father (step-father, Winona corrected the therapist, earning a look from Frank) to try to actively give Sam more attention. It was easy, the therapist reasoned, to remember to give Jim positive reinforcement and attention. He was always aceing some test, or winning some prize, but Sam's accomplishments were so much less noticeable.

Her poor hurting boy; it broke her heart.

* * *

Winona lounged on her new bed, in new home she and Frank had just bought. She had gotten a rare five week leave, after explaining to her career counselor that she needed some time at home to smooth her family into her new marriage. Unfortunately, five weeks just wasn't enough time. Sam was still having trouble accepting Frank, and seemed even more upset that, now that Winona was home, she was actually taking his side. It annoyed her when she realized Frank was right - her boys were sort of spoiled.

"What are you thinking?" Frank distracted her suddenly, emerging from the master bathroom, a towel around his waist, skin still moist from the shower.

He climbed on to the end of the bed, and crawled towards her, reaching out to kiss her forehead and stroke her face. Winona smiled, and received his touch.

He rolled away from her and pulled off his towel, rummaging for for a pair of boxers in his dresser drawer. Though he was was pushing 50, Winona couldn't help but think how attractive he was. There was something almost animalistic in how the muscles played on his body. A touch of gray now highlighted his temples, accentuating his already distinguished good looks.

Frank noticed her gaze and turned around with a smile, "Should I bother with these?" he asked, gesturing to the boxers in his hands.

Winona suppressed a giggle and shrugged, watching her gorgeous naked husband wander back towards her.

"Come on", he said, his voice teasing.

Winona sat up and shrugged her shoulders out of her satin robe, and pulled off her underwear from beneath her nightgown.

On all fours Frank hovered over her kissing her lips and chin and neck. He brushed the thin straps of her nightgown over the curve of her shoulders and let it slide down, exposing her beautiful breasts. Winona wrapped her arms around his neck and began kissing him hard, biting his lip, then trailing her tongue to his earlobe and sucking on it.

"Oh no...I see what you're doing", he said with a laugh, and pushed her arms up over her head. Holding her slim wrists with one hand he reached over to the nightstand and pulled out a dark blue silk scarf. Moving back to kiss her lips he tied her wrists together in a practiced motion, and secured them to the bed frame.

Winona felt her heart quicken as he kissing her way leisurely down her body. Her nightgown was still on, but it wasn't covering anything important. As he moved against her flesh, she felt a slow burning ache build between her legs. He always knew exactly how to make her want him. When his kisses took him to her down to her wet sex, she actually cried out, but immediately stifled herself.

"Don't make make scream", she begged.

"I like it when you scream", he said and continued his ministrations.

"I ….I don't want the boys to….what if they hear?"

"Hmmmm then they know what a woman enjoying herself is supposed to sound like...it'll be useful for when they start dating."

"I don't want to be a reference point!"

Frank chuckled, then pushed a pillow up to her face for her to bite just in time to prevent her from shattering the walls with her screams.

Deftly he moved over her, untying her hands and allowing them to freely roam his wanton body.

"Fuck me", she whispered, dying for him to end the torture that began when he walked out of the shower, "fuck me, hard!"

Pushing her legs apart Frank thrust into her quickly, causing her to gasp at the sudden feeling of fullness. Sex with Frank was always slightly rougher - rougher than it had been with George, at least, and that was how she liked it. Sometimes she wondered if George would have ever fucked her like this, just taken her like an animal in heat. He had always been so tender. She would have liked to have believed that they would have, eventually, expanded their repertoire… she couldn't imagine living her whole life with only gentle, tender, vanilla sex.

As her husband flipped her over, and bent her over the bed, spanking her tight ass, she was struck by how lucky she was. She had found someone who would take care of her kids, who loved her endlessly, and who could fuck her like she was the last woman on Earth. Suddenly she was overcome with guilt.

"Shit", Frank said having come, and pulled out suddenly. "Oh…."

"What?" Winona asked, "Oh…" She turned around and noticed a good deal of blood on Frank's penis. She had gotten her period mid-sex. "I'm sorry."

Frank shrugged, "It's fine...I'll just hop back in the shower." He kissed her nose. "Wanna come?" he asked, a bit of boyishness coming through his masculine veneer.

Winona smiled, "I'll just clean up."

When Frank emerged from his shower a few minutes later he seemed tense, like he was stealing himself to say something. He threw on a pair of pajama pants and crawled into bed beside her, and said, "So...tomorrow is your last day here."

"I know...I'm sorry." She was to go on a longer assignment, next...she and Frank would not see each other for five months.. This was her longest assignment sing re-enlisting and she had taken it in exchange for her five consecutive weeks of leave time.

"It's alright...we agreed to this….long leave means long assignment, but... Baby, I'm getting worried."

"About what?"

Frank looked away and said, "We've been married a year...we still haven't conceived our daughter. I had hoped that...with five weeks, it would happen, but-"

"I just got my period", Winona said, guilt creeping in on her. _She she tell him?_

"Now… I hope you don't mind, but I was had a private chat with our family counselor...I was worried about how a baby might affect Sam. He's a great kid… he really is, and I don't want to push him away. But she said a baby might be good….for him, I mean… to help us all become a family, and to give him a sibling he doesn't have to compete with."

Winona said nothing and nodded.

"I also went and got myself tested", Frank continued. "I'm 48. My baby-making days should be over, so I wanted to make sure I was still capable… Well...I am, but while I was there I had a chat with a fertility specialist. She mentioned how mixed Starfleet civilian parents often had trouble conceiving, because they spend so much time apart."

"Frank-"

"Let me finish. She said that even young couples have alot of trouble. So… she recommended assisted conception…"

"What?" Winona asked dubious.

"Well...we go to the clinic tomorrow, and they collect a sample from me, then we can talk to the doctor of your ship and he can let you know when-"

"So you want me to knock myself up?!" Winona exclaimed, "That's so...I don't know if I want to make a baby like that…"

Frank sighed, "I KNOW I know, baby, I don't either...but the specialist said it could take up to five years to do things naturally. And it won't really matter….I'll still make love to you every chance I get, and we'll have our baby."

Winona felt like throwing up. _She should tell him….she had to…._

"Baby, what's wrong?" Frank asked, noting to look on her face.

"Nothing...I…Frank, I don't want to do it", she blurted.

Frank took her in his arms, and began stroking her hair, "I know...it's weird...and we both had such an easy time with the first set, but we can make this work-"

"NO!" she pushed him away, "I'm...not not ready to have another baby…" she finished as a whisper.

Frank stiffened, "What?"

"Maybe we can give it more time-"

"More time?" he asked aghast, "Winona, if we conceived right now, I'd be 49 before she was born...how old do you want me to be? I...I don't want you to be giving birth to my grandchildren's aunt's and uncles!"

"Fra-"

"This is why we didn't wait Winona...This is why we got married so quickly...because we were out of time."

"I'm perfectly capable...for the next five years at least!"

"FIVE YEARS!" he shouted. "Are you telling me you want to have a baby with a 54 year old man?"

Winona swallowed. He was right...it was completely unfair to make him wait. He had married her, moved to Iowa, was raising Sam and Jim; she should be able to do this for him. She should want to do this for him...she should want to want to do this for him…"

"Answer me this", Frank said suddenly, "What were you going to do if you got pregnant? Abort and not tell me?"

"No!" Winona exclaimed.

"Then what? You never turn me down...if you don't want a baby then...oh my god." Frank looked at her, white as a sheet, "Are you on birth control?"

Suddenly the fucked-up-ed-ness of what she had been doing hit her in full force. She was. She had a device implanted after their four day affair, and had never gotten it taken out. Frank's skin turned to the color of ash as she sobbed, apologizing over and over,while Frank got dressed in a daze. She didn't know why she had never taken it out, she just kept putting it off. She assured him that she did want another baby, she just...needed more time.

Frank quietly threw on a jacket and walked toward the bedroom door,"George has been dead for 11 years, Winona" he said, with a quiet despair in his voice,"...almost twice as long as the entire time you knew him… how much more time do you need?"

With that, he just turned and walked out the door.

* * *

She was surprised to see Frank show up the next evening to take her to her shuttle.

"Frank", she said as she got into his 20 th century convertible car - hs pride and joy - she was desperate to make amends "please...I am so sorry. I'll get it removed. I will. I thought about what you said last night and you're 100% right. We can do en vitro when I get back...make up for lost time...don't worry...you'll see, this time next year, I'll be 7 months pregnant with our daughter. It'll work out...I promise."

Frank just smiled sadly and nodded, "Of course…" he said.

"Do you… can you forgive me?" Winona asked,

Frank turned to her "I hope so."

* * *

Something was wrong. Winona felt it over the next few months away. Her chats with Frank were brief, and focused mainly on the kids. He seemed distant. Sam was quiet as ever...he seemed to feel betrayed by how she had taken Frank's side while she was home, and Jimmy would never betray his big brother's confidence.

What was more concerning, however, was when she asked her parents to check on them, they reported that Frank had been drinking… From what they could tell he would have a few glasses of whiskey before bed, and beers on the weekend, nothing overly alarming, but Winona knew that Frank wasn't much of a drinker. She repeatedly asked Frank about it, and tried to get information out of Jim or Sam, but all three of them seemed to be stone-walling her.

One-month before her assignment ended she received a message: Jim...her 11 year old, had been arrested.

Winona was given permission to catch a ride of a passing cruiser and got back to Earth a week later. Jim had stolen Frank's precious antique car, and driven it off a cliff.

She returned home, to find Frank outside, loading boxes into a truck.

"Frank!" she yelled furiously. "You haven't returned a single message! What the HELL happened?!"

Frank stared at her impassively, and continued loading.

"Answer me!" she demanded, "I left him with you! My son! How did…" It suddenly dawned on Winona that Frank was drunk.

"He found the keys, and drove off", Frank said softly, "that's how...I'm sorry. The boys know I keep the keys in the visor. He's been grounded."

Winona was still slightly perturbed, "Why are you drunk?" she asked.

"Because I'm sad", he said simply.

Winona looked at the truck, "What are you doing?" she asked.

"Moving."

Her heart dropped, "What?"

Frank pulled up his PADD and opened a document, and handed it to her, "I'm serving you, Winona."

Grasping for something to say she blurted, "Because Jim crashed your car?"

"No", Frank said shaking his head. "I like you kids….even if they were a pain in my ass sometimes."

"Frank...If this is about the baby-"

"Save it."

"I got it REMOVED!" she exclaimed, "Like I promised I would. So that we could-"

"I don't want a baby with you." Frank said coldly, "And I am eternally grateful we didn't make one before I could end our marriage."

"You can't mean that-"

"I do" Frank said.

SHe swallowed, "Just because I wasn't ready?" suddenly she felt angry, "just because I couldn't ACCOMADAT-"

"DON'T GIVE ME THAT SHIT, WINONA!" he shouted at her. "This isn't about that...hell, this is ABOUT YOU LYING TO ME!"

He lowered his voice, "If you had wanted to wait...or even if you decided you didn't want one...I would have been devastated, yes, but if you had been honest with me, I could have accepted that. I could have." He looked up at her, "I loved you. I loved you in a way I haven't let myself since my ex-wife left me flat with two toddlers and an infant. I have guarded my heart, swore I was done...but I loved you from the start. I couldn't help it. And I wanted you to love me back. I thought...maybe...if I gave you the life you had always wanted, the life you thought you were supposed to have, you'd love me back."

"I would have done ANYTHING for you", he whispered. "But you're not over him. I don't think you were lying when you told me you wanted another baby...but you want George's baby...after all this time. But you can't even articulate that. You can't even accept that you have held your heart hostage for a man who's been dead over a decade. That's why you can't love me."

"You wouldn't object to using George's sperm to have a daughter...would you?" he said suddenly.

Winona was stunned. She didn't know what to say. The moment he said it though, she immediately pictured a beautiful blonde girl with eyes the color of the Iowa sky. He was right - she didn't want Frank's baby...for the simple reason that it wouldn't be George's. He didn't miss the confirmation in Winona's eyes.

"I knew you still loved him when I met you", Frank said, "I wasn't under any illusions. But I thought you had room in your heart for me too. I guess I was wrong."

Winona looked down at the PADD - she suddenly noticed the date. Frank had filed the day she left...four months ago.

"Why...why…" she asked, "Why are you just giving this to me now?"

"Because...I made a promise to you. I promised to look after your sons. Once I served you I couldn't do that." A tear rolled down Frank's cheek, "I loved you too much to leave you high and dry right as you left on a long assignment."

Winona started crying, this man had been a saviour to her...he had pulled her out of the darkness, and had given her a real life again. To repay him, she had trampled his heart.

"I'm sorry I didn't look after them better. And I did drink….I needed something… anything to take the edge off...don't worry; I'll never endanger them again."

Winona nodded, realizing his mind was made up. She signed the paperwork, accepting that this was the last time she would ever see this man. In the papers was a no contact order. His lawyer would message her in a few days to divide their few joint assets.

"Tell me this Winona", he said suddenly, "Why did you marry me?"

"Because" she said numbly, "I wanted to want our marriage….I wanted to want your baby….I wanted to want.." she choked, "I wanted to want to love you."

Frank smiled sadly, "That's a few too many wants for me."

He took off his ring and handed it to her. She meant to do the same, but just waved her hand away. "Keep it", he said. "As a token of our four day affair in San Francisco. We should have left it at that."

Winona nodded, tears rolling down her face.

She watched as Frank got into the truck. "Frank!" she called out, "I'm sorry."

From the cab of the truck he looked down at her, "I want to want to forgive you", he said.

* * *

"You're grounded for the rest of the summer", Winona said angrily to her son.

"But Mom!" Jimmy cried.

"No buts, and don't you EVER scare me like that again! Do you hear me? Or I swear to God…"

Jim started crying. His mother never yelled at him. _If only she had known… if only she knew how awful Frank was! If only she knew how he had only done that to prevent Sam from running away from home!_

Jim looked at his older brother _say something...tell her!_ he mouthed at Sam, pleading for his brother's protection.

Sam just looked away, "I told him not to, Mom", he said instead.

Bursting into sobs Jim ran up to his bedroom.

Winona sighed and sat down on the sofa. It had been a hard day. She met with Frank's lawyer, and agreed to buy him out of the house and have her parents move in. He also wanted her to pay for the car. She had meant to fight him on that one, but it would have meant paying a lawyer for a court battle. It was cheaper just to pay out.

"Hey Mom?" Sam asked tentatively, "Where is Uncle Frank? I haven't seen him since the day you got back…"

She still hadn't told her boys.

"We're getting divorced, honey", she said quietly, "It wasn't working. Frank is sorry he didn't say goodbye."

"What?" Sam asked, aghast.

"It's OK sweetie, grandma and grandpa are going to move in here, with us. It'll be just like before."

"No, no no no NO!" Sam shouted and started crying, "Mommy...I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry!"

Her oldest flung himself into her arms sobbing, and she kissed the top of his head, "No...baby… this isn't your fault."

"I was BAD!" Sam said, "I was mad. I was so mean to him and I didn't listen to him; I got in trouble on purpose; I made him angry ALL THE TIME! Mom...I didn't mean to make him divorce you!"

"Sam!"

"Please still love me," he begged pitifully.

Her heart nearly broke. Winona held her crying son for an hour, soothing him, reassuring him, that it wasn't his fault...it was hers. She remembered what the therapist had said - at first they all thought Sam was acting out because he was jealous of Jim, but, in light of what had just happened, she now realized it was more. She WAS clearly still in love with George, and Jim, her baby, was the next best thing. Through her tears she thought that, had George lived, he would have favored Sam, who was also an even-keeled country boy, and she would have favored Jim, the other mercurial genius in their family. When George died, Sam had lost the chance to have that special bond. As they grew, Jim, the baby, had always needed more attention, more care, and now that he was operating on a genius level he just naturally attracted it. Sam never got the chance to feel special, and there was just too little of Winona to go around.

"I will always love you", she whispered.

To her surprise, over the next few years, Sam became a source of strength for her. He picked up his grades, made the swim team, and generally flourished in high school. When Frank left, it was almost as if Sam had grown up. The therapist called it a "break-through"- Sam was finally starting to accept that she did love him just as much as his little brother. He even tried to help her keep Jim in check...that failed though...Jim was getting more unruly by the day.

Frank's departure seemed to have to opposite effect on Jim, who began acting out. After Sam's surely antics Winona would have thought she could have handled it, but the trouble with Jim was the diligent application of his genius level intelligence to his misdemeanors. By the time he was 15, he had been arrested 5 more times.

Starfleet had had it with her. Every time Jim was arrested she had to return to Iowa, meaning she was having a tough time finishing her assignments. She couldn't figure out why he was acting like this! He certainly got plenty of attention. He had just taken on a "fuck the world" attitude, and couldn't care less about his brother, or her. The only people he seemed to respect were his grandparents, but even they couldn't keep him under control. Jim did what he wanted, when he wanted, and the more she tried to bring him to a heel, the more he acted out against her.


	9. Losing Jim

_Year: 2248_

"Mom! Over here!" Sam called out as Winona departed her shuttle. Sam was now a senior in high school, had a license, and had taken to picking her up from the shuttle port when she returned home. As she fell into her son's embrace she noticed how tall he had gotten, and how handsome. Sam was a perfect blend of her and George.

"I missed you", she whispered in his ear.

"Missed you too mom", he muttered. They hadn't seen each other in three months. It was only then Winona noticed a short, pretty girl with soft reddish brown hair standing by Sam's beat-up old hover car.

She turned to her son, "Who's this?"

Sam blushed and smiled. He reached out his hand and took hers, pulling her toward him, "Mom, this is Anna….she's my girlfriend."

Winona feigned surprise. Her mother had informed her about this girlfriend a few months ago. Allegedly Sam was head over heels. The look in his eyes, and the shine in their shared smile, told Winona her mother had been right.

"Wonderful to meet you Anna" Winona's voice rang with sincerity.

The little threesome went to the local diner. Anna's dad owned it, and had hired Sam as a bus-boy for a part-time job. Winona stared in wonder at her oldest son, so very in love with this girl. She couldn't help but notice their secret shares glances, and how they kept shifting to touch each other in subtle ways.

"I'm gonna catch a ride home with my dad", she said at the end of the meal. "It was so great to meet you, Mrs. Kirk."

On the ride home, Sam could talk only of Anna, whose full name was Aurlean, but no one called her that. She was a year younger than he was, and they had been together for about six months now. She was really smart and funny. She loved horses, and wanted to be a vet out in the country. Winona couldn't help but laugh...she'd forgotten what young, new love was like. She had never seen him this happy before. She remembered what Frank had said...about Sam finding his niche….apparently he had found it through Anna. Something else Frank had once said to her crossed her mind. Sam was almost 18 now…

"Sam" she asked, unsure of how to broach the topic, _bluntly_ she guessed- "are you and Anna having sex?"

Sam, who had been relaxed and easy, suddenly tensed, "Yes", he said, his ears turning a little red. He turned to his mother, "We started to right after you left for assignment…" he paused, "but, it's not like _that_ ….Mom... I love her."

"I know", Winona said softly, "I just want to make sure you're being safe."

Sam relaxed a bit, "We are", he said.

"Can you give me a little more than that?"

Sam pulled over suddenly, "She's on birth control. We used a condom the first few times, but she went to the doctor...but soon as I turn 18, I'll be eligible for the 6 month shot. I'm gonna get it. Then we'll use that."

"Sounds like a plan", Winona said, impressed. "Have you two been tested?" she asked gently.

"No…." Sam shrugged, "We lost our virginity to each other. She's never done anything with a guy before me… besides kissing of course. And I only did hand-stuff..."

Winona smiled sadly; her little boy was all grown up. "OK", she said. "Do...do her parent's know?"

Sam bit his lip, "Her older sister and mom do. Her dad suspects...but he seems to like me...he even offered me a job for the summer. Mom, I'm not gonna hurt her...we're in love...isn't this what people who are in love do? Make love?"

Winona nodded, suddenly feeling lonely. After her divorce with Frank she had made the decision not to engage in any more serious relationships. She had hurt him too badly, and too undeservedly. Instead, she kept things casual. Now that she had remarried and divorced, she no longer came off as untouchable to her colleagues. Furthermore, as she was still very beautiful, there was no lack of interest. She did make a rule with herself though, she never lied again. She never pretended to be available for anything serious, and she made damn sure her partners knew she had no intention of ever re-marrying. Surprisingly, for many men, this made her even more alluring.

"It is, sweetie." Winona said.

"So...um...does this mean she can stay over sometimes?" Sam asked.

Winona raised her eyebrows _give an inch, they take a mile_ , "We'll see."

Winona walked into her home to find her parent's seated on the sofa. They got up to greet her, and asked about Anna. Apparently her dad had suggested Sam take her with him to pick Winona up.

"She's a nice girl", her dad said, "she's really good for him."

"Now if only she had a little sister or cousin for Jim!" her mother hooted.

Winona rolled her eyes. Her 15 year old was currently suspended. "Where is Jim?" she asked.

"Upstairs", her mother said, "The school wants him to keep up with his work….he's studying."

Winona head towards the stairs, "Studying my ass", she said under her breath.

As Winona approached her son's room she heard loud music blaring through it. She had no idea how he could possibly study over all the racket! She approached the door and knocked. When she got no answer she knocked again. Choosing to believe her son was actually going deaf and not just ignoring her, she turned the handle and pushed open the door.

"MOM!"

Winona closed it just as quickly. She hadn't seen that much of Jim since she'd stopped giving him baths. Traumatized she wandered down the stairs to her parents, walked over to the wine rack and poured herself a huge glass of shiraz. Her mother looked quizzically at her, but Winona just shook her head and wandered out to the porch.

She had just caught her 15 year old son having sex. Somehow, the conversation she had just had with Sam seemed sweet in comparison.

Sam wandered out, "Did you find Jim", he asked.

"Yep - he's studying" she said.

Sam gave her look of disbelief, but merely said, "Oh".

"Hey, Sam...does Jim...date?"

Sam laughed. "No! He could….alot of girls in his grade have crushes on him… Anna's grade too actually. He just doesn't seem interested."

"Does he...um….know about you and Anna?"

Sam nodded, "I sorta told him the night it happened….I was….really excited."

"I'll bet." Winona said taking another swing of wine, "Does he like her?"

"No", Sam frowned, "he doesn't. He thinks she's annoying. He's an asshole."

"I see" Winona was quiet. "So you don't… talk to him about … that stuff?"

Sam shook his head, "It's private...it was a mistake to tell him in the first place. I'm not gonna share intimate details about her life with someone who doesn't like her."

Winona groaned inwardly...she didn't want to admit it, but she had been sort of happy when Sam told her he was sexually active AND responsible. "The talk" was not something she wanted to have with Jim, and she had been hoping Sam would have handled it for her. _Oh well._

Winona pulled up her PADD and messaged her son. She wanted to talk to him RIGHT NOW.

* * *

Jim sulked into the kitchen. The girl had gone home.

Winona appraised her son. _God, he looked so much like George_. He was her height now, but she could tell another growth spurt was looming. He seemed very defensive, not meeting her eye.

"Stop it", she said suddenly.

"Stop what?"

"Sulking. You're not in trouble...yet."

"Why didn't you knock?" he snapped at her.

"I did….why did you have the music on so loud you couldn't hear me?"

He stood up suddenly, "I'm outta here."

"Sit." Winona said sternly.

"Mom!"

"Where exactly do you need to go, right this second?"

"Apparently to the hardware store to buy a lock!"

"I'll buy it for you and install it myself, but first, you're going to talk to me."

"Mom!" Jim shouted, "I don't want to talk to you right now!"

"Too bad?"

"You just…. you just saw me naked!"

Winona rolled her eyes, "This is why you're embarrassed? Oh all of the things you could be embarassed about, including, but not limited to your recent suspension...this is your problem?"

"It's GROSS!"

"You do know I used to change your diaper right? And give you baths? I am your mother, technically."

"I was a BABY then!"

"You're acting like a baby right now", Winona leaned forward, "If you're old enough to be having sex you're old enough to talk about it...now SIT."

Jim complied… but crossed his arms, clearly not wanting to be there. "We really don't need to have the conversation...I know where babies come from, STI's... all that stuff - I'm totally set."

Winona took another swig of wine, "Well, I'm glad you paid attention in 5th grade health class. I was really worried" she said sarcastically.

He just glared at her.

"Now", Winona said, "Who was that girl?"

Jim shrugged.

"Was she your girlfriend?"

"No" Jim scoffed.

"Was she your friend?"

"I guess."

Winona put her face in her hands, "Were you using protection?"

"Obviously."

Winona make a face, "Condoms?"

"YES! Jesus, MOM."

Oddly enough, she was starting to become more comfortable with this conversation. She didn't need a man to talk to Jim...she could do it.

"OK", she pulled out a box of condoms she had grabbed from Sam's room. He wasn't using them anymore anyways. She reached across the kitchen table and grabbed a banana. "Do you know how to put one on correctly."

Jim's incredulous stare was her answer.

"OK then...show me," She handed him a condom and a banana.

"No way!"

"Yes way!"

"MOM"

"Remember how I said you weren't in trouble, yet?" she warned. "Show me...or you will be in a shit-storm of trouble."

"Why?"

"I need to know you're being safe."

"You're not...you're not going to stop me? Or forbid me?" Jim asked., incredulous.

Winona sighed, "No. One, I know this is one area of your life I can't police. Two, it's your body. I'm not going to tell you what to do with it. I do wish you'd get a serious girlfriend though…"

Jim rolled his eyes but grabbed the banana, "Kinda small" he said.

Sometimes she wondered if the the Judeo-Christian tradition had forgotten to mention that there were actually 11 plagues of Egypt...the last one being teenage boys. But internally she was relieved he was listening to her.

"There", he said.

"Wrong", Winona sighed. "Please tell me that girl is on birth control."

Jim shrugged, "I don't know."

 _This was going to be a LONG conversation - and a trip to the testing clinic tomorrow morning_.

It took Jim a few more attempts, but eventually she was satisfied her son would be able to correctly put on a condom in the heat of the moment.

She moved onto consent; Jim could be dangerously charismatic when he felt like it, and she was worried he'd start to blur the line. She explained to her now surprisingly receptive son, that many girls his age weren't ready to have sex, and that was OK, and their prerogative, but, some girls had a hard time clearly and vocally drawing that boundary. It was his responsibility to make sure they were completely comfortable, and that he was not pressuring them in any way.

"So what do you need to do, again?" Winona asked.

"Ask permission for everything. Don't assume. If she starts acting differently, stop. Ask again. If she doesn't seem into it, stop again. Don't have sex when she's been drinking or doing drugs, because she can't consent. If she says no even once - game over."

"Good. Next - female pleasure."

Jim jumped out of his chair, "Please don't do this to me", he begged. "You're my mom…"

Winona rolled her eyes, "I'll keep it PG" she said. "This is actually important. Good, respectful partners make sure they're doing a good job."

"I'm doing a great job!" Jim shrieked.

Winona sighed, "Get a beer from the fridge."

"Huh?"

"You can have one...I know you drink them behind grandma and grandpa's back anyways. It'll take the edge off this conversation….get one for me too."

Never one to pass up alcohol, Jim opened a beer; with a little too practiced of a hand for Winona's taste.

"Now...I don't know what porn you're watching…."

She stopped as Jim stared horrified at her, "Don't worry...I don't check your web activity...and judging by the look on your face, I am never going to start."

"Most of it...is crap. It's completely unrealistic, and will give you zero understanding of the female body," she paused. "Do you like boys too? Sorry, I forgot to-"

"Oh my GOD I JUST LIKE GIRLS!" Jim shouted hiding his head.

"Just checking….you know it would be OK if-"

"MOM!"

Winona backed off. "OK, well, as I was saying, alot of girls, especially girls your age can't experience that umm…."special moment"…." she used air quote for emphasis, "from ….well...from what you were doing upstairs…"

Jim was bright red, "She seemed to like it fine", he muttered, torn between dying from embarrassment, and defending himself.

"Some girls….can….but alot fake it. Sometimes….other things… feel better for women."

Jim stared at her, so very uncomfortable. It was almost funny in the back of her head. She tried to remember what she had been like back in high school. She probably would have been mortified by this conversation.

Winona pulled out her PADD. "I'm sending you some sites…."

"Oh my god, please don't send me your porn!" Jim threw his head back.

Winona frowned, "Very funny. These are female friendly sites….and the last two are instructional webinars."

"Have you seen them?" he asked.

"No", Winona lied. "A friend with kids a little older than you guys sent all of them to me. If you're going to watch porn, I'd rather you have a realistic representation of respectful sex."

"What about the webinars?"

Winona sighed, "Most people lose their virginity within relationships-"

"Like Sam," Jim interrupted, testing to water to see if his mother would bite and become distracted from this conversation.

Winona was completely unfazed. He sons did this all the time. "Yeah...I met Anna, she seems nice."

Jim rolled his eyes.

"Anyways, when you're with someone you love consent is there, and you learn to pleasure each other….you talk about things….discover what you like...what feels good. Sam got the very abridged version of this talk."

"So you ARE punishing me!" Jim muttered, but his light blue eyes were teasing.

Winona smiled at his quip, "I'm not going to stop you from exploring, or define your parameters for you….but I will say that I think sex is always better when you love someone. It was...very special with your father. Jim… honey...it's called 'making love' for a reason. You're sharing something very intimate with another person. When you fall in love with someone...you'll see….it'll be so much better with her."

Winona could see her son practically rolling his eyes, but she continued, "I know...I know it seems stupid and cliche, I spent a good portion of my life thinking that…. but it's true. Being with someone you truly love and trust is the greatest feeling in the world. If you find that person...I want you to promise me you'll go for it...all in, hard and fast, no second guessing. If you love each other, it's worth it. Don't deny yourself that, baby."

Winona touched her son's hand. He put on such a tough act, but deep inside he was still her sweet baby boy. Oh course she couldn't imagine what kind of woman it would take to capture his turbulent heart, but Winona hoped she was out there...somewhere.

Jim finally met her eye, "OK", he promised.

"Good", Winona smiled, "one last thing. Don't lie. Always be clear about your intentions. Don't make promises you don't want to keep. If you don't love her, don't agree to be her boyfriend, and don't imply that that's even on the table."

Jim frowned, "Girls want boyfriends", he said quietly.

"If that's not what you want, then she's not for you. Better for her to know sooner rather than later. People get hurt when they fall in love...it's just part of the game….someday, you might be on the receiving end of it - you might fall for someone who won't or can't be with you… But it's always better to be honest. Don't trick people, Jim. They always find out… and it breaks their hearts."

Jim looked at her quizzically, "Did you ever…lie?"

Winona kissed her son's hand, "Never to you."

* * *

A few years later, Winona considered that one of their last good talks. Jim's got worse when Sam moved out. She suspected it was because he was now alone in the house with just her parents. Her oldest attended a college a few towns over, and was joined by Anna a year later. They moved in together Sam's Junior year, and he gave her a promise ring. In a lot of ways, Sam was like George.

A few months after they had been together she and George had shared their history. She was shocked to learn that this exceptionally good looking man had only been with three women before her -and one was a one night stand! His high-school sweetheart broke his heart his junior year of college, and then he seriously dated a girl during his first year at the Academy. It was a small wonder he was so eager to get Winona into bed that first night! He never really seemed to mind being"inexperienced" compared to other guys. He actually joked that he had probably had sex more times than all the player types combined! He simply stated that once he found someone he connected with...it was enough. Winona, but contrast, had been with six guys before George, but had never really loved anyone, until he swept her wholly off her feet. She wondered abstractly if Jim was more like her. She didn't WANT to know what he got up to in his spare time, but she did hold out hope, that one day he would meet someone and get that same _"This is it"_ feeling she had gotten with his father. She hoped so at any rate, for the sanity of the female population of Iowa.

Her relationship with Jim deteriorated further when her father died his senior year of high school, and her mother a year later. She hated to admit it...but they were more like parents to him than she was. Or at least she felt that way sometimes.

He continued to make excellent grades in college, and even overloaded, though he was driving the administration crazy. He refused to answer her com calls, and wrote quick one line responses to her long messages, which she still sent every three days. Now that he was in college though, her career had ramped into high gear. She was taking longer and longer assignments, and had just been promoted to Lieutenant. It was about time. She felt like she was the oldest Ensign in Starfleet!

One her way home to Iowa she received a message from Jim. Two words: _Graduated early_. Winona was confused. Jim was only halfway through his sophomore year. _How could he have graduated in three semesters?_

She called the school and verified that it was true….sort of. What Jim had neglected to mention was that he was asked to leave the University, but, because he had enough credits, they were willing to give him a degree.

Fighting down her fury, she let herself into her house. She needed a drink, and to relax. What she didn't need, however, was the sight she was met with.

The place was absolutely trashed! Empty beer bottles, pizza boxes, food...everywhere. There was gook smudged all over the walls, and the sofa had huge slashes in it. The crystal wine glasses she and George had gotten as wedding gifts were broken, and there were little crystal flecks were embedded in the carpet. As she wandered through the house, she heard a beeping noise coming from upstairs. Too angry to think rationally, she raced up to the source of the sound...her bedroom, and opened the door.

She stood silent for a second, shaking with rage as she watched her 20 year old son, in nothing but a pair of boxers, slowly awake from his slumber, hungover as hell, to answer his com, the source of the noise. That wasn't the worst of it though. In _her_ bed next to him were three girls she recognized from their small town, also in their underwear. One was topless.

"Get. Out." Winona enunciated.

Jim rolled over and shook his bed-mates to rouse them. The three girls quickly got up, grabbed their clothes, and blotted past her. Winona looked way while her son slipped on a pair of sweatpants.

He walked over to her. She looked into his eyes hoping to see something...embarrassment, remorse, guilt, but nothing. He might have George's gorgeous eye color, but he had none of their warmth. Suddenly she wanted to cry. She had failed him. She failed George. She had raised his son to be this uncaring, unfeeling monster.

Unexpectedly, she felt a surge of rage bubble up inside her. _Rage was good...better than sorrow. This was what she had worked for - what she had derailed her career for, what she had spent 16 years crying with guilt over. This kid. This kid who didn't even love her. This kid, who didn't have one iota of respect for her. He knew she was coming home today. He hadn't even BOTHERED to cover his tracks._

"You too", she said poisonously.

Jim shrugged and wandered past her, and started towards his bedroom.

"I mean the house", she snapped.

That got his attention, "What?"

"You were expelled."

"I have a degree that says otherwise", he said cockily.

"You lied to me. You trashed our home. You were ...having an orgy in my bed!"

"I was throwing myself a graduation party….since YOU weren't here to do it."

That was a low-blow, but it only fueled the fire now burning like acid through Winona's chest. _How DARE he!_ "Well you certainly seemed to expect me to clean up after it", she snapped.

"Forgot what day it was", he shrugged.

 _That was it._ "Get out." she said.

"Fine."

"Take your shit with you, and give me you key!"

"Wait...what?"

Winona swallowed, "You're 20 years old, you have a college degree. Get a job, move out. I'm done."

"What are you talking about?", Jim asked. "This is my house."

"No", Winona said with true venom, "This is MY house. I bought it...I paid for it. And now that you're over 18, you don't have a right to live in it anymore."

Jim stepped back like he struck her. "Mom…"

Suddenly she burst into angry tears, "I've had it Jim. I can't, I can't do this anymore."

Jim face fell and he opened his arms, as if to embrace her, but she just shrieked, and slapped him hard across the face.

He recoiled and touched his face where her hand had left a mark. She had never struck him before, not even as a little boy.

"Get out" she repeated. "I'm kicking you out. You have an hour to get your things, and I swear to god, if you're not outta here I'm gonna call the cops. And I WON'T bail you out this time!"

"Mom!" Jim shouted, "I'm sorry, I'll fix it….I'll clean up….you won't have to do a thing…."

"No...not this time Jimmy", she said. Winona turned on her heel and walked towards the front door, leaving her shell-shocked son in her wake. _She had to get out of there!_ Before it closed behind her she shouted, "One hour Jim."

* * *

Though she immediately regretted it, all her friend's said she did the right thing. Jim was out of control. Even Sam thought so. He kept tabs on him for her for a while, but when he asked Anna to marry him, Jim stopped speaking to him too. He was just mad at the world.

Winona sobbed every night for six months after she kicked him out. She cried more than she ever had in her life...even more than when George had died. A year after Jim left, Winona sold the house, and bought a loft in San Francisco. There was nothing for her in Iowa anymore. Sam and Anna were moving to Idaho, and Jim was god knows where. She still sent him a message every three days, but she never got a response. She knew he wasn't even opening them when she started attaching read receipts.

* * *

 _Year: 2255_

Winona kept staring at the photograph of her wayard he had joined Starfleet. When he was little she had always thought he would one day enlist, but she sort of gave up on it when he started getting expelled from schools. Pike must have made a hell of a case to get them to accept him.

 _No… she had derailed her career to keep him out of jail, fought with countless school administration boards to keep him enrolled, forgiven him for countless transgressions...she was done cleaning up her son's messes_. But, unable to help herself, she sat down and pulled up the academy directory and found her son's photo. He was clean shaven, sober, and looked...happy. His bright blue eyes were lit up, and his infectious smile in full force. She stared at it for a few moments. She was due to write him a letter soon anyways. But he didn't read them, or even open them.

At 300 hours she paged Captain Pike -requesting permission to transfer to his vessel, and head back to the Academy.


	10. Alan

A few days later at 615 hours on a Sunday morning Winona found herself tapping softly on a 1st Year dorm room door. No need to wake the roommate. She kept at it for a minute when all of a sudden she found herself face to face with her bleary eyed son. He immediately stiffened.

"Cadet", she said.

"Lieutenant". he answered back in shock.

"You're due downstairs in fifteen minutes." she said briskly.

When he scowled and looked backwards toward the clock she added, "That's an order."

She smiled inwardly as she watched him scramble back into his dorm room. She had expected him to protest, or have some snide remark, but he had been caught completely off guard. _Maybe he wasn't going to make this difficult after all…_

 _Nope_.

Jim wandered down from his room in full uniform. Cadets weren't required to wear them on the weekends, unless attending a function, or on duty. Winona, herself, was in jeans and a light sweater. They were going to look absolutely ridiculous wandering the streets of San Francisco together.

"Nice uniform", she sighed.

"Thank you Lieutenant", he said impassively.

"Red's not really your color though…"

Jim said nothing.

They left the building and started to walk in silence. She had played this game with him before. Whoever spoke first lost.

"Where are we going", he said finally, "Ma'm" he added with a venomous emphasis.

Winona rolled her eyes, "You know, 'Mom' still works. You're not on duty…."

He said nothing.

"We're getting breakfast", she said.

"At 630 hours?" he blurted, "Ma'm."

"I'm not fond of waiting on line."

Winona led her son to the bagel shop she and George had visited 28 years ago. It was still there, and still drew a huge crowd even at this early hour. She noted with pleasure that she still knew her son's order by heart, and watched him tear into an absolutely disgusting concoction of garlic, cream cheese, onions, hot sauce, catsup and a practically raw fried egg.

Finally he relaxed...feeding him was usually the trick to dealing with Jim, "Mom….what are you doing here?' he asked, genuinely curious.

"Tiki statues" Winona sipped her coffee, smiling.

Jim froze, "Who...told you about…"

"Someone who gives a rat's ass about you."

Jim scowled, "Pike."

"It doesn't matter", Winona said, "But they came to me because they're worried. I'm here...putting up with your immaturity, because I am too."

"Jim...what are you doing?"

Jim just shrugged. "I joined Starfleet. I blame Pike. I was drunk and he talked me into it. Technically, it was sort of like enlistment rape...had I been thinking clearly, I would have told him to fuck off. I should have told him to fuck off. I don't belong here…" he finished.

Winona sighed, "No...you don't."

Jim got up to leave… but before he could Winona pulled out the photo of a three year old Jim sitting on her lap. "He does though…" she said.

Jim frowned, "When was this taken?"

"You were three. We lived in San Francisco at the time. I used to take you down to the shipyards to watch them build the ships. You were obsessed. At first I didn't want to take you...I didn't want to encourage you. I hated Starfleet, and I was scared that you would go into space one day and I'd lose you too. But….I've always had a hard time saying no to you.

"You weren't supposed to be born in space. You came a month early. But the second I went into labor with you, and realized you'd be born on a starship, I knew you'd be in Starfleet. How could you not be? I kept thinking you'd be my little space baby.

"When you started showing an aptitude for math and science, I let your teachers push you, knowing I was inadvertently preparing you for a career in Starfleet. It seemed inevitable. You were meant to be a Starship Captain. It's what you were born for. It's everything I feared, and everything I hoped for you. But then...somehow...I lost you. And I'm sorry to say...I was starting to think you'd never find your way back. But you did. And I can already tell it's what you want. But you're throwing it away...so I'm asking you, because I love you...what are you doing?"

Jim put his hands in his hair and looked at the table, "I don't know", he said quietly.

He looked up at her, "I looked up your record."

"How did you get access to….wait" Winona put up her hand, "I don't want to know.'

He just shook his head, then said, "You...you tanked your career."

"Oh…"

"You should be in a commanding role by now", Jim said. "I know you never wanted the Captain's chair, but at the very least a Commander."

Winona shrugged.

"You tanked it because you took the shitty short assignments….and bailed on a couple...You tanked your career because of me and Sam...didn't you?"

"You guys were my priority", she said softly. "You needed a mom. That was my 'assignment'."

Jim frowned, "Starfleet fucked you over!" he said vehemently. "What were you supposed to do? THEY send my father on a mission that KILLS him, spend all this time revering him as some big hero, then they completely abandon the guy's wife and kids."

Jim stood up, "You want to know why I'm fucking this up? Because fuck Starfleet. They didn't care about us...why should I give a damn about them?"

Suddenly it clicked for her. He was still angry, but now he didn't know who to be angry at. She had suspected, for years, he thought she had abandoned him, but when he had gone searching for a confirmation to validate his anger, all he had found was evidence to the contrary, sending him back into a spiral of anger and sadness.

Winona shook her head, "No baby...they didn't...come with me."

Quietly walking through the streets of the city, just now starting to rouse from it's slumber, Winona took her son to the dilapidated apartment building she had once occupied with him.

"When you father died...I did too. I was 29 years old; young, stupid and scared shitless. You see - up until that point, my life had been charmed.. I got perfect grades in high school and college, I was the teacher's pet at the Academy, and I met my own personal Prince Charming at 23.

"By 29, I was married to the love of my life, owned a beautiful little house, was embarking on a promising career, had a wonderful son, and was expecting you. Everything was perfect...then it all fell apart.

"After your father died, Starfleet approached me. They offered me everything - leave, your father's salary, and a guarantee that I would be able to take the 2 of you with me on assignment. This was before the Families Program was suspended, but had I worked through those years...they might have made an exception for us, or tried to accommodate me in some other way. I turned them down though."

"Why?" Jim asked in shock.

"Because I was scared...scared to take you into space, despite the fact that I knew the Kelvin incident was a freak occurrence, and that you guys would be just as safe with me as you would be in Iowa. Safer actually because you wouldn't have access to cars or cliffs" she added ruefully. "I was just too busy wallowing to think rationally. And Jim...I was so angry, so bitter...I wanted to show them how angry I was! There was nothing they could have offered me to make me forgive them."

"Mom...what happened to my father….danger is sort of part of the job…"

"Jim...I was just 7 years older than you are right now. I was an idiot...a child...I HATED them, and I didn't want to accept what happened to George. All I wanted was for him to come back...to wake up in our bedroom and find him next to me, assuring me that everything that had happened was just a nightmare."

Jim grew quiet as she explained to him, for the first time, how she had tried to find work as a civilian. He frowned; he knew her field was particular to Starfleet,and she could tell he didn't understand why she would have thought civilian work was possible. She told him how she blew through their assets, and moved to this apartment. Finally, she told him how he and Sam were almost taken from her.

"That's why I re-enlisted, Jim. I had spent 4 years failing you guys...and you deserved better… you deserved a mother could take care of you. This wasn't Starfleet's fault. It was mine, and I'm so so sorry."

Suddenly she was in her son's arms, her face pressed against his shoulder. It was funny...he had never lost his comfort with physical affection the way Sam had as he grew up. He held her there for over a minute before she realized his breathing was becoming jagged. Staying close she looked up and noticed he'd been crying softly.

Her poor, lost baby boy.

"Shhh…" she said, "It OK."

"No", he said. "It's not… why didn't you tell us?" he demanded suddenly.

She rolled her watering eyes,"I can't think of anything more traumatizing to tell a 4 year old."

"I meant later on."

Winona shrugged, "It was my burden. I didn't want you weighed down. But...please don't blame Starfleet. They did try to help. They really did."

"You know why I got arrested when I was a little kid?" he asked her softly, laughing sadly.

"No…" Winona said.

"When I drove Frank's car off the cliff...you came home. I realized Starfleet sent you home if I went to jail. So...when your assignments ran a little too long…."

"Jim!" she exclaimed, a wave of hysterics, either tears of laughter threatening to overpower her.

"It wasn't the best plan...and you were always so mad. I guess...I started getting defensive. But I knew you'd always get over it.. And I'd rather have you home and mad at me then away on assignment. I guess I pushed you too far one day", he finished sadly.

Winona put her arms back around him and squeezed him tightly, "You will NEVER push me too far" she said. "I still write you, you know…" she said softly.

"I know", Jim said. "I read them...I figured out how to without tripping the read receipts."

* * *

Winona spent the rest of the day walking the streets with her son. He explained the Tikki situation more fully than Pike had. Apparently the Professor wasn't well liked, and several members of the Administration found the whole situation to be hilarious. The infamous Christine had told him she was planning on breaking things off with her fiance anyway and was looking for a fling. He never lied to her, or promised to be exclusive, he never told her he loved her. Jim had offered to pay to replace the statues, but the Professor wanted more than what he had in his savings account. Jim offered him half the sum, stating that it was A. all he could afford, and B. more than generous according to a vast number of sources Jim had found appraising the statues. Apparently this was the wrong approach.

Her heart swelled with a joy she had forgotten hanging out with her youngest son. They had always gotten on so well when he was younger, and even when he was a teenager - when he wasn't giving her a headache.

By the time she boarded her shuttle the next day to head back to her ship, Winona felt, for the first time in a long time, that Jim was going to be OK. It was like something clicked - like when Sam had one day decided to grow up. She realized he finally had some sense of closure: for years he had thought she was abandoning him, only to realize, when he came to Starfleet, that she hadn't been. Thankfully he didn't hold her stupidity at 29 over her… that was the wonderful thing about Jim. If could forgive anyone anything if their intention had been good.

He started attending class regularly, and got the Board off his back, though, allegedly, the Professor still had it out for him.

* * *

 _Jim - Coming back to base for 3 days in a week. Will you be around?-Mom_

Winona was surprised when she heard he com ping right away. Now that she knew he was reading her messages, she started trying to goad him into responding. Usually he wasn't so quick though.

 _Yep. It's the weekend of the formal...so I'll have nothing to do - Jim_

 _PING!_

 _That wasn't sarcasm._

She smiled.

 _You're not going? Don't tell me you couldn't find a date- mom_

 _PING!_

 _Christine and her father are going to be there...I'm lying low. Pretty sure showing up with a date would make things even worse. - Jim_

Winona sat back. The situation with the professor was still quite testy. He had filed a formal complaint with Starfleet, but he couldn't technically punish a student for banging his daughter. Sometimes Winona wondered if she had made a mistake when she decided not to dictate the terms of her son's personal life when he was a teenager. At 22 years old he had STILL never had a serious girlfriend, and had never even shown signed of wanting one. She guessed it was better than him developing co-dependency issues, or having the same stupid, unhealthy hang-ups on human sexuality she had when she was his age….but sometimes she thought he was little too much of a slut.

That being said, it annoyed her that her son was going to miss out on this valuable networking opportunity because of some idiot and his daughter. Jim was showing a serious aptitude for tactics, and could potentially be fast-tracked: made an Ensign upon graduation. George had been fast-tracked too, but hadn't technically made the grades...Robau pushed him through. Jim wouldn't need that, but...every little bit helped.

 _Go stag?_ she messaged.

 _Eh…_

 _You're seriously going to pass up a chance to REBUILD your reputation with the administration?_

 _Me + booze + attractive girls will not be a constructive way to do that._

 _You're being ridiculous._

 _If you want me to go so badly, why don't you come with me?_

Winona actually spat out her coffee when she read the screen. _Was he kidding?_

 _You want to go to the formal with your MOTHER? What are your peers going to think?_

Jim messaged back, _Not caring what people think is technically what got me into this mess…. Come on, I'll buy you a drink._

 _Nice try. Drinks are free._

 _Two then. Meet you at 2000._

Winona turned off her screen, dubious of what just happened. She hadn't been to the formal since she she was reinstated. It had been her and George's tradition to go together and recreate their first date. Going without him...it had just seemed too painful at first, but then she just fell out of the habit. She was fine attending with her son...it wasn't that unusual for family members to attend together...it only seemed weird because it was Jim.

Of course, as she soon found out, his plan was brilliant. When she casually mentioned to a colleague that her son had asked her, the woman practically melted with delight. _Such a good son,_ her friends said. _Such a wonderful man. Their family was amazing! How could that HEARTLESS Professor even think of trying to get George and Winona Kirk's son expelled._

She couldn't decide if she was impressed or disgusted.

* * *

In her formal uniform for the first time in years Winona wandered into the great ballroom where the Academy held their annual formal. It took her only a moment to find Jim.

For just a moment her heart stopped, and she felt herself transported back 28 years. It was like seeing a ghost. Had George, at 24 been standing next to his son, anyone would have sworn they were twins. They had the same hair, eyes, and face, but the moment only lasted for a fraction of a second. Jim found her and gave her the charismatic smile that was all his. He might look like his father, but, on the inside, he was all Jim.

He approached her with a man who looked to be in his late twenties.

"Mom", he said, "This is Bones...Dr. Leonard McCoy...Bones, my mom, Lt. Kirk".

"Nice to meet you Dr. McCoy", Winona held out her hand.

"Pleasure's all mine, Ma'm" McCoy said with just a hint of a Southern drawl. Jim had told her about him. He was brilliant doctor who absolutely detested space. She didn't fail to notice how he held her out stretched hand for just a second too long, and how his eyes very subtly gave her a quick once over. She'd seen this before; young men still looked at her like this, and she could practically see the mental cogs in his head working to determine 1. how old she was, and 2. If it was weird that he was attracted to her. Apparently her son had found a kindred spirit.

"Can I get you a drink?" Jim asked her, looking slightly perturbed by his friend's behavior. He hadn't missed McCoy's glance either.

"Gin martini….twist please", Winona said with a smile and watched Jim drag his friend away.

"Is she ummmm...remarried? No, right?" she heard McCoy ask him when he thought he was out of earshot.

"I better never hear you ask that again…" Jim muttered menacingly.

Winona wandered over to a cocktail table while she waited for the boys to return. It hadn't changed much, the formal; it still had the same bizarre air of prompt, the same group of cadets trying to simultaneously get wasted off of free liquor, but keep their wits well enough about them to network, the same group of stodgy professors and older officers looking slightly out of place among these bright young cadets. She supposed she was one of them now.

"Excuse me...are you...by any chance… Winona Elliott", a voice said behind her.

Winona whipped around to find a tall man with graying chestnut brown hair behind her. He looked sort of familiar….

"Yes….yes I am...though...I haven't been called that for years", she sad, her mind racing to place his face and voice.

"Of course, of course!" he said apologetically, "It's, ummmm me, Alan Berger…"

Winona blinked… _Who was Alan Berger? The name rang a bell though…._

"I'm sorry….it's um...it's been awhile since I came to one of these", she tried to offer as an excuse.

"No! Don't be sorry...you know what...you probably wouldn't remember me… I was ….I was Zach Folley's roommate our first year at the Academy."

Winona froze. _She DID remember him!_ He was Zach's nerdy roommate. They never really hung out with him...he was always running off to the lab, but she distinctly remembered sexiling him during finals week, resulting in a huge shouting match between her then boyfriend and Alan.

"Oh, my….of course I remember you! I'm sorry...it's just that I haven't seen you since…"

"Graduation", Alan supplied. "I took a post on the outer rim for five years, but the time I made it back to headquarters you were- never mind."

"On leave" Winona quickly supplied. "I took time off while my sons were young…"

Alan nodded looking slightly awkward. Everyone knew why she had taken time, but even now, 22 years later, people still seemed awkward bringing it up. Winona didn't know why anymore.

"I never expected to run into you here", he quickly changed the subject.

"I sort of stopped coming…. I'm only here because my son….well he..."

"Banged Professor Chapel's daughter and broke his Tiki statues?'

She sucked in her breath, "Yeah-that."

Alan grinned.

"How many people know about that?" Winona asked.

"Everyone"

She groaned, "Are you serious?"

"Oh trust me… nothing good ever happens around here. He's the talk of the town!"

"I'll bet."

Alan laughed, "Don't worry...most people think it's funny. That's probably what's contributing to the problem actually. I think Chapel thought he'd get an official reprimand, but….well not one has the heart to do it. Those statues were HIDEOUS. Some of us think Kirk did him a favor."

"Who did I do a favor for?" Jim interrupted, his mother's drink in his hand. "Ah, Prof. Berger…"

"Do you two know each other?" Winona asked.

"I was on the board for his hearing…" Alan said.

Jim grinned sheepishly at his mother, and shrugged.

Alan clapped him on the back "Don't worry about...you're not gonna get expelled. It might go a ways if you'd be willing to apologize though...to the girl I mean. Apparently she's having a really rough time."

"Yeah…" Jim said guiltily, "I didn't realize they were...still together."

"It'll work itself out", Alan said reassuringly. "She's over there if you're interested." Alan pointed to a beautiful brunette girl in the corner of the room.

"Be right back", Jim said an jostled off.

As Alan watched him cross the room he turned to Winona and said, "You know….I thought I was going absolutely insane the first time I saw him on campus. He REALLY looks like-"

"George", Winona finished Alan's sentence, "He does… I'm sorry...did you know George well?"

"Oh dear", Alan said. "Um no...can't say that I did". Winona could tell that he was enormously uncomfortable.

"What?' Winona asked.

Alan took a huge swig of his drink, "Well….let's just say that I took an interest in him when he started going out with you…"

"Huh?"

"I ummmmm, I might have had a huge crush on you when we were in school", he admitted with a wolf like grin. "Of course you were my roommate's girlfriend, so, obviously you were completely off-limits, but….when you broke Zach's heart…"

"I did not!" Winona sputtered, indignant.

Alan peered at her, "Ummm, yes….yes you did."

"That's was dating someone else within a few weeks of our break-up!"

"Re-bound."

"We had nothing in common!"

Alan laughed suddenly, "Well...that certainly explains it!"

Winona frowned, "Explains what?"

Alan shrugged, "Where Kirk gets his 'heartbreaker' gene from. He might look like his father, but he's definitely more like you!"

"I did...I was NOT a heartbreaker!" Winona cried.

"See there it is! You didn't even realize! Half the men of campus were madly in love with you our first year...granted they gave up when you took up residence with Starfleet Academy's very own Adonis, but….DAMN! Zach practically got death threats when you agreed to be his girlfriend."

"That's the craziest thing I've ever heard!"

"It is?" Alan asked, amused, "I mean...surely by now you've realized you sort of hit the genetic lottery in the looks and brains department, so I'm not gonna waste my time flattering you...but, you had campus by the balls, pardon my French. Everyone wanted a shot with you."

Winona tried to roll her eyes, but was blushing furiously. Of course she knew she was beautiful, she had never thought otherwise, but she had only in the last ten years begun to really cash in on it. She realized then that Jim's personal life really wasn't that different from her own… _Ugh - great….she'd grown up to become a 22 year old boy._

"I'm sorry", she said, and meant it. "I never thought Zach was that attached…"

Alan smirked, "He used to make me help him BRAINSTORM date ideas to impress you, you know. Then he'd come back to the dorms in a blind panic that he'd messed something up. I guess he was justified."

Winona sat nothing, still dumbfounded by the knowledge that she had unintentionally inflicted so much pain on Zach. She'd sort of broken up with him on a whim...she just hadn't been feeling it. She THOUGHT he felt the same way, but now she realized he may have just been protecting himself.

"So ummmm, what about you? she asked, desperate to change the subject. "What have you been up to? Did you ever marry?"

Alan smiled. He had. He told her that, once he returned from his five year assignment on the outer rim, he had met and married a school teacher in San Francisco. They had had two daughters, Becky and Fern who were 16 and 14, respectively, and were the light of his life. Unfortunately though...going out on assignment took a tremendous toll on his marriage. Finally, five years ago, he had been granted a permanent post, teaching at the Academy, and moved back in permanently with his family. Living together full time for the first time in over a decade, he and his wife realized what they had failed to living apart: they were no longer in love. They had tried to make a go of it, but decided to divorce three years ago.

"I'm sorry", Winona said, and sincerely mean it.

He just shrugged, "Don't be...I'm not. Josephine and I and a great run, and have two beautiful daughters to show for it. As it turns out, we are significantly better as co-parents and friends than we ever were as a couple. I think the distance kept us from realizing that. She actually re-married last summer."

"I'm sorry, I've been talking your head off!" Alan said suddenly.

"Oh it's alright!"

"Prof. Berger!" a student called across the room suddenly, "Can we get a picture?"

Alan turned to her. "Go", she said with a smile, before he could apologize. "It was wonderful seeing you again!"

He raised his glass to her with a smile and wandered away.

"Do you know him?" a voice said behind her. Winona whipped around to see that her son had been watching her.

"Not well."

"You were talking to him for a while."

"I didn't realize that wasn't allowed", she teased him.

Jim shrugged, "How do you know him?"

Winona took a sip of her drink, "I made him fail a final by sexiling him from his dorm when I was a first year dating his roommate… he's warned me he's still seeking revenge."

Jim made a face, "Gross, Mom."

"You asked."

"Why do you NEVER pass up an opportunity to torture me?"

Winona laughed and ruffled his hair, "Because you're so cute when you're flustered."

"I'm gonna get you back", Jim warned her.

"Sure."

* * *

The next morning Winona and Jim set out for her favorite bagel shop - at 11AM. In her third year, when George was away, she realized another way to avoid at least most of the line was to go late. George never accepted that - he liked to start his day as early as possible, but she preferred to sleep in. So did Jim.

Their table was almost ready when she saw Alan and two teenage girls wander in. They made a face and started whining to their dad when they saw a line.

"It's your friend", Jim said suddenly.

"Oh...I-"

"Professor Berger!" Jim called him.

"What are you doing?" Winona hissed

He shrugged innocently.

Alan walked over, "Kirk, Lt. Kirk", he nodded at Winona, "May I introduce my daughters...Becky and Fern".

Both girls mumbled hello, the oldest turning bright red looking at Jim. Alan caught her expression, and gave Jim a wary look.

"Quite a line", Alan said.

"Yeah...only way to avoid it is to get here at dawn…." _Why was she being so awkward?_

"Yeah ummm…"

"Dad", the younger girl, Fern, interrupted, "I have to work on my science project."

"No you don't", Becky snapped at her younger sister, eyes still locked on Jim.

"Yes I do…"

"Dad can just do it...right,Dad?"

Alan frowned, "I…"

"Don't you WANT to stay for breakfast?" his daughter said to him, her eyes flickering for a fraction of a second toward Winona.

Winona felt her heart quicken... _was this some sort of conspiracy?_

"Maybe I can help", Jim offered with a charming smile.

Alan frowned, "You don't have to-"

"It's my pleasure, Professor...I think I owe you a favor anyways…." Jim turned back to Fern, "I used to win the science fair every year when I was in high school...do you want me to take a look?"

"YES!" Becky shrieked.

"It's not your project", Fern began.

"Why don't you take my spot at the table, Professor…. we'll get food to go. Does that work with you guys?" he asked the girls.

"Oh my god, that's such a good idea!" Becky practically shouted.

"OK", Fern shrugged.

Helpless, Alan looked over at Winona and shrugged. He pulled out his wallet and handed his card to the girls.

While his back was turned, Winona slapped her son on the wrist, "What exactly are you doing?" she asked.

"Winging for you", he replied as if it were obvious.

"What?!" she sputtered.

"He's pretty cool… after last night, I'm pretty sure he has a crush on you, and he really thinks highly of you."

"How could you possibly know that?" Winona snapped.

"He's the only professor on campus who refers to me as Winona Eliott's son, and not George Kirk's."

Winona blinked, "Well, technically you are BOTH-"

"No", Jim said. "I'm YOUR son."

* * *

Winona was pleasantly surprised by how much she enjoyed breakfast. She did, however, have to spend a good ten minutes reassuring Alan that his oldest was in fact safe with Jim.

"It's not him, I'm worried about...it's her…." Alan grimaced. "She just asked her mom if she could go on birth control…."

"Uh oh", Winona said with a laugh. "How are you handling that?"

"Not well! As you can see…"

"Well...at least she's being responsible…"

Alan took a swig of coffee, "I just don't understand why she NEEDS a boyfriend. I remember what a doofus I was at 16. She doesn't need that in her life!"

"So what's a good age for a woman to start dating then?"

"I don't know….how old are you right now?"

"You're not supposed to ask that!"

"My apologies…." he said with a twinkle in his eye. "You know...you might have lucked out with just boys…"

"Oh, I'm sorry. Have you met my youngest?"

"Touche Madam!"

Laughing Alan lingered over his coffee; he looked like he was trying to decide something.

"Winona….next time you're back at the Academy...would you like to have dinner with me?" he asked her. "It could just be as friends...but, I like spending time with you."

She hesitated. She was asked out quite frequently, by never by someone she felt such a genuine chemistry with. Not for a very very long time. _What the hell?_ "Smiling she said, "Sure."

* * *

Winona laughed out loud when Alan finally managed to get the door open to his townhouse. It was a mess! Not a disgusting mess, but he had papers EVERYWHERE!

"Sorry", he said sheepishly, "You caught me during finals…"

"How do you grade in this… chaos?" she asked.

"Hey hey hey...whoa! This is NOT chaos. There is a VERY very distinct system of organization here!"

"Oh really?"

"Yes really!"

Alan, trying to regain his footing said, "See -if I think they're gonna fail, I throw their papers on the armchair. If I think they're average, the table-"

"What about your star pupils?"

"Well….they get a place of HONOR over on the coffee table."

Winona looked down at the hoard of papers and found Jim's name on one of them. His paper had a huge coffee stain on it though….

Laughing she picked it up, "Interesting grading method", she said indicating the stain.

"Bigger the stain, the better the grade! They all know that!"

Giggling Winona sat down on the couch, the only clear surface in the living room. As he went to grab her a drink from his bar, she looked around. It was actually quite interesting; he seemed at have odd bits of art and artifacts from all over the Federation, but it was horrendously decorated. While he seemed to have good taste in what furniture and decor to buy, he clearly had no idea what to do with it when it made it into his house.

Their dinner date had gone swimmingly. It was more fun than Winona could remember in a long time. Alan was incredibly easy-going, funny, and charming. He was also incredibly smart. He was a tactical statistics professor for second and third years, though he did accept some first years if their math scores were high enough. Winona remembered the class well. Though she had never actually taken it, she had often helped George with the coursework while they were dating. She found the subject fascinating, but couldn't fit it into her schedule.

Alan sat down next to her and handed her a martini, "Sorry", he said again, "I know I'm being my stereotype here", he gestured to the mess of academia, "but I guess I didn't expect dinner to go so well."

"Oh it's going well, is it?" she bantered.

"I think so…"

Winona set her drink down on the paper covered coffee table, "Do you now?"

Alan put his drink down to and slide closer to her on the couch. She felt her heart quicken unexpectedly, knowing what he was going to do. Slowly, almost questioningly, but deliberately, he wrapped his arm around her shoulders. They locked eyes for just a moment, then he kissed her.

Winona felt something like a happy ball well up inside her. It was gentle sweet kiss, but skilled. He deepened it slowly, as though he had the whole of the night to do nothing but kiss her. He kept going, sliding his lips over hers, his hand stroking her back.

As his kiss lingered, Winona wondered if he was going to try to sleep with her. She wouldn't mind. She knew from experience that skilled kissers were usually skilled in other areas, and she hadn't slept with anyone in a few months. _Sure...why not?_ she thought when he broke the kiss and suddenly stood up.

She stood too, planning on following him to wherever in the house his bedroom was, hoping that he didn't grade in there too, but was surprised when he hit a switch on his panel, and soft, slow music started to play.

"Dance with me", he said, taking her in his arms.

Confused Winona obliged and slowly started swaying in a circle with him to the music, wondering where he was going with this.

"I want to see you again", he whispered in her ear.

"OK...next time I'm back", she said softly.

He kept dancing with her, and looked down at her face. Brushing the hair to the side he said, "I really like you."

Winona groaned. The night had been so perfect until he said those words. She pulled away, leaving a confused Alan in her wake.

"I'm sorry, have I said something wrong?" he asked her.

Winona ran a frustrated hand through her hair and started looking around for her jacket. "I just have to go", she said.

"Why? Because I said I like you?"

She closed her eyes, "Everything had been going so well too", she muttered.

"Winona", Alan grabbed her arm, "What?"

Straightening up she met his eye and in an almost rehearsed tone she said, "I'm sorry Alan. I don't do serious relationships...not anymore. I do like spending time with you… but I don't want you getting attached. I don't want to hurt you."

"What are you talking about, Winona? I'm not asking you to marry me-"

"I'm never marrying again", she said curtly.

"So what was this then? What was tonight? Why did you accept my date if-"

Winona sighed, "I just...I still date. I go out. But I keep things casual. I'm sorry, I really don't like to lead people on. I'm too old for playing games, and it's not fair. Alan", she said softly, "I really did have a wonderful night. So wonderful I was actually willing to continue it", she added ruefully noticing a surprised smile when she said it, "but I'm not open to letting things get serious. I'm just….I'm done with that part of my life."

Alan sighed and picked his drink back up, "You know", he said, "if you're not interested, it's OK. I'm not a lovesick 23 years old boy anymore. And I know you're not who you were back at the Academy. I just...well...I had a really good time tonight too."

Winona smiled and took his free hand, "Then let's continue", she said seductively.

Alan sucked in his breath. She could tell he wanted her; it was written all over his face and into his body language. He'd be crazy not to. She had a body that would make most women in their thirties jealous. An unexpected advantage of having her babies in her twenties was that her body bounced right back. Then, having been in Starfleet on active assignment for the last 18 years….

"Wait", Alan said suddenly.

"What?"

"I'm...oh god...I can just hear myself at 23 berating me for doing this but...I'm not going to sleep with you Winona."

She paused, "Why not?" she asked, genuinely confused.

Alan, put his drink down and clasped her hand in both of his. "You know how you said you were done with 'that' part of your life...well...I'm not. I don't know what the circumstances of your divorce were, and I know from friends that, as far as they go, I got off pretty easy, but are you really done? Done with affection, and companionship, and romance? Are you done with love?"

Winona blinked, and turned away, "I got six wonderful years of love….and two beautiful boys…. I had what some will never have in a lifetime."

Alan swallowed, "So you're still not over it...after all this time-"

"No." Winona said suddenly, "I'm not an idiot. George has been gone for 22 years, and I'll admit it...I held on a lot longer than I should have. Alot longer than was probably healthy. But now...when I think about him all I feel is happiness. I'm happy I married him. I'm happy I had him in my life...and I'm happy I had his sons. I don't….miss him anymore though." She paused. She had never said that out loud before; never realized it was true. In the years since divorcing Frank she had slowly but surely let George fade from his impenetrable place in her heart. She still sometimes looked at photos of them, but it was more in a nostalgic way. It had been years since she'd last slept with someone and thought about him…

Alan pulled her down on the couch, "Then what is it?"

"That's a very personal question…" she trailed off softly.

"You don't have to answer me, if you don't want to. It's just… you're so bright and lively...and I see how much you love your son. It seems out of place for you to never wan-"

"Frank", she said quickly, "my ex-husband."

Alan's brow furrowed, "He didn't...mistreat you?...I can assure you, not all men are lik-"

"Why do you assume it was his fault?" Winona asked softly.

Taking a sip of her drink she told him everything. Why was anyone's guess. She just wanted to make him understand why she didn't date. She didn't look at him as when told him how she'd married him on a whim, basically to have a babysitter for her kids. How she told him she wanted to have his child, and how she had lied.

"I was so messed up back then….I didn't even realize it", she said trying to explain herself. "I was convinced I was living the wrong life...like something that wasn't supposed to happen, did. I didn't love Frank...I'm not even sure if I liked him. I just liked what he was offering, and I took it without thinking about how unfair I was being. I'm just… I don't date because I never want to do that to anyone...ever again."

When she finally got the courage to look at Alan, she was almost afraid. The only person she had ever told the real reason for her divorce had been her late mother, who had been horrified. Alan loved being a father….and would have been equally devastated had she pulled the same disgusting trick on him.

"Maybe I should go."

"No" Alan said. He looked up at her, questioning, as if he were trying to see past her hazel eyes into her very soul. "I'm glad you told me", he said.

She could only nod.

"Winona...I still like you", he said, quietly.

"How could you possibly like me after this monstrous thing I've told you?"

"Because I know you're sorry...and I know you would take it back if you could."

She laughed sadly, "You can't take back something like that."

"No", Alan said, "you can't…"

She stood up. "I'm gonna go. It's getting late, and I should really get some work done tomorrow morning."

Alan stood to and grabbed her jacket, but before he handed it he said, "Next time you're back...can we try this again?"

She frowned, but let her heart skip in spite of itself, "Try what?"

"I want to take you out. I want to get to know you. I know you said you're not open to anything serious but...well, I like you enough to take what I can get...on your terms. If you're brave enough to tell me the truth, then I can be brave enough to risk that, even if everything goes well, you won't change your mind. But I want you to be open to the fact that you might."

"Alan-"

"Just...think about it. I know you've made some mistakes...but isn't it worth it to know that I know about them, and am still interested?"

She couldn't argue there. "I don't want to hurt you-"

"I'm 51 years old!" he said, "I don't need you to protect me. How about this….go on your next assignment. If you're interested in seeing where this could go...give me a call. If not...well, I won't get my hopes up."

Winona bit her lip. She didn't know exactly how to say "I'm not going to call you", so instead she just shrugged and said, "OK".

* * *

One month into her assignment Winona cracked.

She had come back to her quarters after a long shift, and had, almost absent-mindedly started thumbing through old photos on her PADD. She paused at the first photo ever taken of her and George together, at the Starfleet formal. They looked so YOUNG! She was slightly red faced, and he was beaming. She wondered what he would have thought, had someone told him that night, that he would marry her, father her two sons, then leave her a widow at 29, just six years after they met.

She was no longer the woman in the photograph. As Alan had realized, she was someone else entirely. She wondered what George would think of her now….

She kept going back. She stumbled across a photo of her and her then-best friend Eliza - the woman who was by her side when she gave birth to Sam, who had, several times tried to pull her out of her four year funk, who had welcomed her back with open arms after four years of being pushed away, and who now lived on the outer rim.

She went further back, into her photos from her first year, and found a picture of herself kissing a black-haired boy named Zach Folley - whose heart she had allegedly broken. In the background, barely visible, was a somewhat sullen looking young man with bright chestnut brown hair - Alan. She had never noticed it before, but laughed now when she realized he must have been jealous. He had always practically run from the room whenever she and Zach got too mushy.

Without stopping to think too hard she forwarded the photo to Alan, with the caption. "Our first photo."


	11. Morning

Winona woke up at 11AM in an incredibly comfortable bed. She stretched out-luxuriating in her morning glow, and enjoyed the sensation of Alan's wonderfully soft sheets against her bare skin. From his bedroom she could hear him tinkering away in the kitchen, and she smiled and blushed, remembering the night before.

 _Winona and Alan walked hand in hand down the streets of san Francisco. The night air had a crisp chill in it, and she had his scarf wrapped around her shoulders. They had just finished a wonderful dinner at a brand new French restaurant, and had closed the place down spending hours upon hours lingering over their coffee discussing the theoretical properties of the Kobyoshi Maru test. Alan was working with a young professor named Spock to make sure it couldn't be beaten._

" _I never realized it was actually impossible!" Winona laughed as the wandered the abandoned restaurant district._

" _Well...not technically….that would be too easy. Theoretically there is a 1 to 546,423 shot it can be beaten, but... there's a trick."_

" _What's the trick?"_

" _I'm not supposed to tell you the trick."_

" _Why not!?"_

" _The trick is classified."_

" _That's not fair! You can't tell me there's a trick then tell me that you can't say what it is!"_

" _I'm sorry!" he laughed._

" _Please! I really want to know now!" she begged._

 _Alan rolled his eyes, "OK-but this is TOTALLY classified!"_

 _Winona held her hand up in an oath, "On my honor as a Starfleet officer…."_

" _The trick is…" Alan pulled her close and whispered in her ear, "The com officer would cut the com line on the ship, and disable the hail screen. That would disable the ship's ability to target - and eradicate the slight targeting delay and the ship would have a 1 in 10,000 chance of hitting the main Klingon Warbird's thrusters blindly at just the right time, causing it to spiral into the others."_

" _WHAT!?" Winona cried. "That's ridiculous! No one would ever do that!"_

" _That's the only way….."_

" _That's cheating..."_

" _That's the point of the test. You loose. "_

 _She shook her head laughing, "Those poor kids."_

" _They get over it. It helps that everyone else loses too. Speaking of which….If Kirk passes, and I'm still dating you...I'm in HUGE trouble."_

" _Don't worry, I won't tell him."_

 _Alan's eye's lit up, "Does that mean I have a shot at possibly still dating you two years from now?"_

 _Winona blinked, that hadn't been what she meant, but….they were having such a fabulous time. Since sending him the photo they had been in regular contact; they daily com sessions were actually becoming her favorite part of the day. His too, she could tell. She felt alive in a way she hadn't in a long time; nervous, excited, giddy. It was almost like she was 23 years old again._

" _Maybe", she said shyly, surprising herself._

 _They continued walking in silence, "Winona", he said suddenly, "I want you to come home with me."_

 _She felt herself blush._

" _But", he continued, "I want it to mean something. I haven't been seeing anyone else since we last went to dinner, and I don't want to. We don't need to rush or force this, but ….I'd like to let this happen. Whatever this happens to be."_

 _Winona swallowed, silently contemplating his declaration. Did she want this? She had spent night after night after each com session wondering. He was so nice, kind, funny smart, but there was more. She felt an odd connection with him, a chemistry she couldn't define. The only person she'd ever felt this way with was George, but that didn't make sense either. Alan and George were polar opposites in every way. But somehow, unlike with Frank, she didn't feel the need to compare them. Could she really fall in love again? She didn't know, but she was suddenly nervous about sleeping with him._

" _OK', she said tentatively._

 _When they got back to Alan's townhouse she allowed him to take her by the hand and lead her up the stairs. On the walls she saw photos of his daughters, who she knew by now, were the center of his universe. She found herself being lead into a large bedroom, with a gorgeous wooden four poster bed in the center._

 _She suddenly pulled him towards her in a passionate kiss._

 _They had shared small kisses earlier in the night, but this was different. Different too from the one they shared on his sofa two months ago. In it was all the built up frustration he felt from being pushed away. As their kiss lingered on, Winona felt the walls she had constructed around herself come crashing down. It had been so long since she'd allowed herself to be vulnerable or emotionally connected with a man, but there was something about Alan that made her trust him implicitly._

 _She felt her legs hit the back of the bed, and realized this was really happening._

 _Between urgent kisses she unbuttoned Alan's shirt and allowed him to slide her dress down her shoulders and fall to the floor. Breaking their kisses she sat back on the bed in her underwear and thigh-highs and watched while her removed his shirt, undershirt and slacks, and place them neatly over his chair. His body was nice for a man in his 50s. He was still sort of skinny, but he seemed to take good care of himself. She bit her lip as she stared at a little tuft of brown hair on his chest, which was greying along with the hair on his temples._

 _Sliding over her he took her body into account. She could tell he was impressed. Moving back towards the head before she peel off her thigh-highs and undid her bra._

 _His mouth was back on hers again as he slide his hand upwards to touch her breasts. He wa gentle at first, but began squeezing it with increasing urgency, while he kissed her long white neck._

" _Winona", he breathed in her ear, "so beautiful…"_

 _She giggled, allowing her skin to receive his hands and lips._

" _What do you like?" he whispered, "Tell me… how do you want me to make love to you?"_

 _WInona felt her heart quicken as he continued massaging her now aching breasts._

" _This is pretty good", she laughed softly. She lifted her butt off the bed, and slid off her panties._

" _Can I kiss you?" he asked her.._

" _Yes…" she practically purred._

 _Alan shifted downwards on her body, and began gently sucking on her nipple, "Like this?"_

" _Yes!" her breathing quickened._

 _Alan grinned and increased the suction over her nipple, and started toying with the other one in a less than delicate fashion. She felt like she was on fire! She wriggled in her naked-ness underneath him as her practically worshiped her breasts, constantly looking at her face to read if he was going to hard._

 _Winona felt the wetness between her legs increase, started involuntarily bucking her hips up to reach his clothed erection._

" _Not so fast" he teased her._

" _Oh...Alan...come on…."_

 _He moved back up and kissed her lips, now with a harder, biting edge, causing her to moan in a heat of passion. She moved her hands up and down his torso, and tried pushing his boxers down._

" _I'm not done with you yet" he whispered against her forehead._

 _He rolled her onto her side, and wrapped his arm around he waist, stroking her between her legs, gently caressing her sensitive clitorus, while kissing her back._

" _Oh my god...Alan!" she gasped, feeling an orgasm begin to build._

" _Ummm hummm…."_

 _Removing his hand she pushed him onto him back. Before he could stop her she climbed on top of him. "Do you like this?" she asked, repeating his earlier questioning with a devious smirk._

 _His eyes raked her body as she straddled him , "Yes...I definitely do", he said almost laughing._

" _Make love to me", she said, simply - there is was. Her own admission that she did want to be with him in more than just a casual way. She had only uttered that phrase to one other person in her whole life, but she meant it when she said it to Alan._

" _With pleasure", he said with a smile._

 _Winona felt him pulled off his boxers._

" _Should we use a condom?" she asked, unsure. "I've ummm...well I got a full physical for my last assignment …"_

" _I'm up to date" Alan said , "But if you're more comfortable…"_

 _She shifted back and immediately guided him inside her, allowing a wave of pleasure to wash through her core._

" _OH ggggggggodddd" he breathed as she started to move._

 _Winona felt her nipples harden as he intently watched her breasts bounce while she rode him, and a wonderful sensation began radiating from her vagina. She tangled her fingers in his salt and pepper chest hair and felt him bend his knees to give himself more leverage to thrust deeper and deeper._

 _Suddenly, she was on her back. Alan had flipped her over and had hooked his hand behind her knee to give himself more leverage. He picked up his tempo, and Winna heard herself cry out, abandoning herself to the wild tremors coursing through her blood._

" _Go harder", she cried out, feeling herself tipping over the edge when he obliged her._

" _Alan! I'm gonna come, I'm gonna…" she gasped as words failed her, and a deep orgasm washed over her, leaving her breathless and weak. She felt him give a few more quick thrusts into her body, and pull out just in time to finish up in his boxers._

 _Gasping for air, she wordlessly rolled into his arms and allowed him to pull his duvet over them. She felt him tenderly stroking her hair, and smiled as she was overcome by a feeling of great contentment. "That was great", she whispered as she snuggled into his chest._

" _You weren't so bad yourself!" he quipped._

 _She gave him a look, then went back to toying with the hair on his chest. "What time is it", she yawned, suddenly exhausted._

 _Alan laughed, "Like 11:45"_

" _Oh god….we really are old, aren't we?"_

" _I prefer to think of myself as aged to perfection!"_

 _Winona just rolled her eyes._

* * *

Her musings were suddenly interrupted by Alan wandering in with a heavily laden breakfast tray. She sat up, and suddenly became aware that she was still naked beneath the covers.

"So...we have an omelet, fruit and black coffee. Is there anything I'm missing?"

Winona just laughed, "You didn't have to go through all this trouble!"

"Yes, I did." Alan said very seriously. "I have spent 29 years waiting for a chance to get you into bed. I thought VERY carefully about what I would do if I ever managed it."

She burst out laughing, "Are you ever going to let that go?"

"Nope."

"Oh well...I guess I could get used to this."

Alan leaned forward and kissed her on the forehead. "I hope you do."

* * *

Winona and Alan fell into an easy routine. When she came back to San Francisco after her assignments, she usually stayed with him in his town-house. Little by little more of her things moved from her loft to his home, and little by little, it began to resemble more than just an amalgamation of furniture and papers.

It helped alot that both sets of kids were supportive. Jim had already given Alan his seal of approval, and Sam, desperate to make up for the mess he still thought he had made of her marriage to Frank, seemed thrilled that she'd found someone new. Becky still harbored and enormous crush on Jim, but he seemed to enjoy the attention of two doting teenage girls. Though he vehemently agreed with Alan that Becky was FAR too young to date. Her son could be quite hypocritical sometimes. She wondered, abstractly, what would ever happen if Jim were to have a daughter of his own. Considering his history with women, he'd probably freak out.

Alan accompanied Winona out to Idaho for Sam's wedding. He even helped her reel Sam in when Jim got him rip roaringly drunk before the rehearsal dinner. Anna had been livid. She and Jim still didn't quite get along, but he had been actively trying t get back in her good graces since joining Starfleet and getting his life back together.

Two years into their relationship, Winona finally met Josephine, Alan's ex-wife and the mother of his daughters. She too was surprisingly support of her ex-husband dating. Apparently Winona had been a good influence on her daughters. They were at an age where they had been dumbing themselves down to attract the attention of boys. Winona, a clear genius, had allegedly caused them to rethink that decision. They reasoned that if someone as beautiful as her could be as candid about her intellect as she was….perhaps there was no reason to do poorly in school .

A year later, Winona and Alan purchased a gorgeous condo together. It overlooked the water, and was far enough from the city, that Winona could actually get some decent sleep. It struck her as odd that she was purchasing property - very expensive property at that- with a man she wasn't married to, but, at 54 years old, she was over people telling her what to do.

Starfleet began cutting back her longer term assignments, and sending her to the Academy more and more to train the next generation of navigation specialists. It worked out nicely….she was able to spend more time with Alan, and fixing up their new condo. She was also more likely to be around when Jim came back from assignment. She still couldn't believe Starfleet had given a 25 year old a starship! Even if he did technically earn it by regulations. But she was so proud of him.

25 years after the fact, she finally learned about Nero….the monster who'd destroyed Vulcan was the same man who had taken her young husband from her. She found it oddly fitting that his son had avenged him, though, she knew Jim didn't see it that way. She was the only parent he had ever know, though he had allowed himself to become very close to Captain Pike, the man who had convinced him to join Starfleet.

That had been a tough day. She and Alan held her baby boy, now 27, as he sobbed at the funeral of his friend, his mentor, and the closest thing to a father he had ever known.

A few days after Pike's murder Alan wandered into their condo's living room. He seemed oddly nervous.

"What's up? she asked. "Please tell me that's not another gift" she said looking at the small box in his hand.

Alan shrugged. They had just celebrated her 56th birthday, and he had gone a little overboard; jewelry, dinner, and a weekend trip out to the country for wine tasting at their favorite vineyard. She had been torn between annoyance at his extravagance, and girlish delight from his generosity. She wasn't sure what she had done to deserve this man, but there was something about him that made her inexplicably happy.

He sat down next to her on their couch and rubbed her leg affectionately. "I wanted to ask you something", he said.

Winona sat up from her lounging position, now curious, "OK".

"We have a good relationship, right?"

Winona frowned, where was he going with this?, "Right".

"How good?"

She blinked, "Great! I'm really happy….we have a ...really good life together…? Why? Is something wrong?"

Alan took her hand, "Five years ago, when we first started dating-"

"Alan, can we please let that go. You were right, I was wrong...I wasn't done with love. I just hadn't found the right person yet….I hadn't found you."

He smiled, "I'm fully aware that I've already won that argument….but, that ummmm wasn't what I was talking about."

"Then what?" Winona asked genuinely curious.

"Frank."

Winona blinked, and looked away, "What does that have to do with anything?" she said, "Why would you even bring that up?"

"I'm sorry!" He grabbed her face, "I'm sorry, I'm ….I'm fucking this up because I'm nervous. Let's start-over."

Alan stood up. When she got up too he pushed her back down, "Stay...sitting….you're fine right there." he said.

"What is going on?"

"Just sit on the couch!"

"Alan-"

Alan ran his hand through his hair, frustrated, "Winona just...stay!"

"Fine", she shrugged, wondering what his issue was.

"OK!" He took a deep breath, and bent down to one knee.

"What are you doing!?" Winona said quickly.

"Shhh-"

"No, wait, what are you doing?" she repeated.

"Can you just let me-"

"Alan-"

"Say this!"

Winona finally quieted, now somewhat aware of what was going on.

"Winona", Alan started. "I know, I know you said you never wanted to do this again. I know I promised we could take it off the table, but….I love you. And I want you to know, that no matter what you say, our life together isn't going to change. We are still going to live here, together, still going to grow old together...still going to watch our kids get married, have kids of their own. We're family now… legal paperwork isn't going to change that. But I thought, on the off chance you've changed your mind, if you would do me the honor, I'd like to stand up in front of all our friends, and family, and commit myself to you. I want to say those vows to you, because they do mean something… I already consider you my wife...my partner….the love of my life...but, I still sort of do want to make it official. So for the first time in our relationship, I'm going to break a promise to you….

"Winona, will you marry me?"

He didn't even get to open the ring box. He was too occupied by her lips against his. Winona had slid off the couch and into his arms without bothering to answer.

"So yes then?" he asked when they finally broke apart. "Just so we're clear."

She could only nod, laughing as he slipped a beautiful diamond on her finger.


	12. 5 Years

Winona unlocked the door to her son's loft, and let herself in as quietly as possible.

"Mom?" she heard him call down from his bed.

 _Too loud._ Jim had been home from the hospital for 4 days now, but he still needed a lot of help. Winona and Alan had been taking turns staying with him during the day. It annoyed Jim, but she was terrified to leave him alone for longer than overnight.

She climbed the stairs to find Jim still in his bed, curled underneath his white duvet. She could tell from the bags under his eyes that he hadn't been sleeping. He wouldn't admit it, but she could tell he was still shaken from his taste of death.

Winona went and sat down on his bed next to him, "Still not sleeping?" she asked.

Jim stared back at his mother with his beautiful but worn eyes, "No" he said softly.

"What if I got you an over the counter sleep aid?"

He shook his head, "I don't want anything forcing me out…"

"Jimmy…"

"Ill be fine, Mom...I'll pass out when I need to…."

She could tell the subject was closed. Jim had spent most of his life giving her heart attacks, but never like this. He was so frightened now...so weak. The blood transfusion had zapped him of his strength, and the fact that he'd actually died, medically speaking, his spirit. She could tell it would take him awhile to get over this.

She also knew he was wrestling with tremendous guilt. He had tried to do the right thing...tried to bring Khan trail, tried not to let his anger and desire for revenge rule his choices; as a reward, he'd lost 36 members of his crew, practically destroyed his beloved ship, and had to come to terms with the fact that his battle with Khan had killed over 1000 civilians in downtown San Francisco.

The betrayal of Admiral Marcus had put Starfleet on it's ass. No one could believe that this man...this man who was sworn to protect the Federation and its citizens, this man who had been chosen to lead Starfleet in its mission, had deliberately attempted to ignite a potentially devastating war with the Klingons, and put the entirety of the Federation at risk. No one trusted Starfleet any more, or believed in what they were doing. The Federation council had recalled and consolidated most of the fleet, and were debating the future of the organization. Maybe Starfleet had gotten too powerful, too militaristic. After the tragedy in San Francisco, some thought it needed to be disbanded.

Winona ran her hand through her son's hair and kissed the top of his head. "Do you want breakfast then", she asked.

He nodded, "I gotta pee too actually."

"You can use the bedpan-" WInona started to say.

"Mom...no...I-just no."

"Jim...it's really OK, I-"

"Changed my diapers, I know" he repeated the argument she had given him yesterday. "I'm 27 though…"

"You're on bed-rest." Winona snapped.

"I'm fine."

"You DIED!" she said with a sudden vehemence. She sat back down on the bed suddenly and put her arms around him. "I have NEVER been so frightened in my whole life. Jim…" she pulled away, tears in her eyes, "I don't want to loose you. I love you too much."

Jim sighed. He wasn't quite used to being babied like this, and he couldn't say he liked it. His mom had always been tough on him… she loved him...fiercely...but he stopped being her baby when she re-enlisted.

Suddenly the door to Jim's loft swung open, "Jim? Winona?" Alan called from below.

"Alan! Help!" Jim called,while Winona rolled her eyes.

Alan bounded up the stairs, "How you doin' Jim?"

"Great...can you help me into the bathroom" Jim said quickly before his mother could get a word in edgewise.

Alan nodded, "I got 'em" he said to Winona as he let Jim put his arm around his shoulders for balance.

Sighing she wandered downstairs, into her son's kitchen and began slicing up bagels for the three of them. Alan had taken some time off from teaching to help her with Jim. Technically, he could have been assigned a nurse, but, with so many injuries in the San Francisco area, Starfleet had been asking family members to step in so that they could send their nurses to civilian hospitals.

San Francisco was in complete disarray. Sam and his wife were supposed to come to see Jim, but all travel into the city had been suspended unless you were needed to care for an injured family member...or claim a body.

 _How was Starfleet ever going to get through this?_

Winona looked up, "Oh no! What are you doing?" she shouted as she saw Alan helping Jim down the stairs.

"Mom-"

"We did this yesterday, honey" Alan said reassuringly. "He's OK. I've got him."

Winona rolled her eyes, and set out plates at the counter for the three of them. Her eyes wandered over her son's apartment while he torn into his bagel.. At least his appetite had returned.

Jim's apartment was incredibly bizarre. It was a traditional loft, with brand new construction and floor to ceiling windows over-looking the city. It was gorgeous, or would have been...had he bothered furnishing it. Though he'd moved in a year ago, all he had purchased were some dressers, a desk and chair, and a huge king size bed. All of the furniture was in his bedroom too, making the combo living room kitchen just a huge open space. Winona had actually purchased stools fro his breakfast bar once she realized they'd be spending some significant time there for his rehab.

"When are you gonna get furniture for this place, Jim?" she asked suddenly.

Jim looked up and shrugged, "I have furniture", he said defensively.

Alan laughed, "I think she means like… a couch?"

"What do I need a couch for?"

"To sit on?" Winona interjected.

"I'm either at my desk or in bed….or at these stools now, I guess."

Winona rolled her eyes, "You never like...have people over?"

"I don't need a couch for that", he said with grin.

Winona sighed with exasperation. Sometimes she wished he'd be a little more discreet about his sex life.

Alan shook his head, "You could still probably use a couch. If only for the sake of variety…"

"Alan!" Winona cried.

"Dude, not cool. You're dating my mom!" Jim said, then added, "point taken though."

Alan just laughed and rubbed Jim's head, messing up his hair. "Maybe you should just get a girlfriend."

"Yes!" Winona said, happy Alan was finally making sense "Even if it's only for long enough to make this place look like someone actually lives here."

At 27 years old, her son had STILL failed to enter into a serious relationship. Sometimes she wondered if there was something wrong with him. He was surrounded by beautiful, intelligent, clever, and certainly willing women in Starfleet….she found it hard to believe no one had caught his eye.

"Not this again…"he groaned.

"Jim...I just...is there REALLY no one...in the ENTIRE Federation of Planets, worth more than...I don't even know what you do…"

Jim looked at his mother, "It's not a matter of worth….It's just... I was made a Captain at 25. Most Captains have spouses and kids by the time they get their commission, or have already gotten to the age where they have decided they don't want that…. so they don't have to date. It's hard to make time!"

"That's a load of bull. You'd make time for the right girl, Jim", Alan said

Jim rolled his eyes, "It's just...it's not a priority right now."

"Why does this matter?" he asked his mother.

Winona sighed, "It doesn't. I just want to see you happy. And maybe live more like a human. I think you'd enjoy that."

"FINE! I'll buy a couch! I'm never gonna use it though…."

Suddenly there was a knock at the door. Winona got off her stool to open it and found herself face to face with Admiral Johnson, Admiral Marcus's replacement.

Winona snapped into a salute, "Admiral".

Alan jumped up to, "Admiral Johnson."

Jim nodded and saulted from his stool.

"At ease", Johnson said. He looked around, "I've come to see Captain Kirk…" his eye's sought Jim, "how are you doing, son?"

Jim;s face twitched slightly. He hated being called son - he always had. The only person who'd ever gotten away with it was Pike. "Doing well, Sir" he said evenly.

Johnson wandered in and looked around, "Did you just move in?" he asked suddenly.

Jim didn't meet his mother's eye.

Johnson looked at Winona and Alan, "I'm sorry Captain, I was hoping to catch you alone...I need to discuss something with you...it's classified."

 _Like hell,_ Winona thought. "He's not supposed to be outside the supervision of a nurse or family member, Admiral…" she said, trying to fight down her protective instincts.

"It's OK, Mom-"

"Of course", Johnson interrupted. Winona could tell he was suddenly remembering who she was. Though Jim's accomplishments now overshadowed even his heroic father's, she was still given alot of leeway when it came to her son. "You are a Lieutenant...and Lt. Commander", Johnson nodded at Alan, "I supposed it's alright. But...this is highly classified - highly" he stressed.

"Understood, Sir" Alan said.

Johnson took a deep breath, "Captain….I have a new assignment for you...should you be willing to accept."

Starfleet was in shambles. Marcus had effectively destroyed, in one fell swoop, their integrity, their mission, and the respect and admiration of the Federation. Public opinion of the organization was at an all time low. People thought Starfleet had lost their way. In a way they had. Starfleet had once been a continuum of peaceful explorers; adventurous diplomats, seeking new life, and worlds beyond their own. In the years following the Kelvin incident they had become reclusive, untrusting and militaristic. Starfleet vessels were now used to patrol borders, intimidate enemies, and act almost as space policeman for trading vessels. That wasn't why Starfleet was founded.

Admiral Marcus's sinister plot to ignite war between the Klingons and the Federation, and the death of over 1000 civilians had been the last straw. Many in the Federation council thought Starfleet had outlived it's purpose, and was now becoming a liability. Clearly they had been given too much power, and had become rotten from the inside.

"The rumors you've been hearing are true", Johnson said. "Starfleet consumes an enormous portion of the Federation's budget. There's been talk of downsizing and eventual disbandment. They've already put a freezing on enlistment...and re-enlistment. "

Winona closed her eyes - It was ironic; 23 years ago she would have traded a limb for those words, but now they cut her like a knife.

"That's not fair", Jim said. "This wasn't Starfleet's fault...this was one man. One crazy man."

"That's what I am trying to convince them." Johnson said. "Besides the obvious economical drain of putting thousands out of work, it would be ...heartbreaking, to see our organization torn to pieces by heinous actions of one."

"Why have you come to me?" Jim asked.

Johnson smiled. He had a plan, a bold, daring plan. A plan to put Starfleet back on the right course, a course to follow their original mandate.

For decades there had been rumors of a five year mission...it seemed every new group of cadets got worked up that they would be the ones to go. Starfleet always held back however; after the Kelvin it seemed too dangerous, and a waste of resources. The intended launch date was theoretically supposed to be in ten years, but after the travesty that had occurred, Starfleet needed something...something to rally around...something to hope for. They needed a reminder or their purpose.

"I want you to Captain her" Johnson said to Jim.

"I-"

"I know...after everything you've been through… this is probably the last thing you want to do, but, Kirk...we need you.

"I'm ordering the Enterprise to be rebuild. I'm gonna have her completely overhauled, fit her with new engines that can go for years without needing significant repair. She was meant to be the proto-type for the ship we eventually sent on this mission. We were supposed to spend a few years perfecting her. But I think she can do it, now."

Johnson approached Jim, "Kirk...I'm not gonna sugarcoat this for you. You'll be out of communication for over four and a half years….Hell, you'll be 33 years old by the time you get back here. I'm asking you to put your whole life on hold...for the foreseeable future. And it's gonna be dangerous as hell. If you're seein' a girl now...well safe to say that's over. But this mission…. we need it… Starfleet needs it…. and this mission needs you."

Johnson put his hand on Jim's shoulder, "You're the youngest Captain in the history of Starfleet… you still are, by the way...and you're the youngest acting a Captain we've got. You've also got one of the best tactical minds out there, and you've been in tight spots before. Spots even the most experienced Captains couldn't have worked their way out of. And you are the son of George Kirk...one of Starfleet's greatest heros. If anyone can pull this off...it's you."

Johnson took a step back, "Of course, this is completely voluntary...take a few days to think about-"

"I'll do it", Jim said suddenly, "I accept."

Winona let the pain wash over her. She knew. The second Johnson brought up the mythical five year mission, she knew. Jim would accept. This is what he had been born for.

"Glad to hear it", Johnson said with a smile, clapping his shoulder.

"When?" Jim asked,

"About a year...we need time to fix up the engines."

"My crew?"

Johnson sighed, "This is a voluntary mission. I've disbanded the Enterprises crew, but you can staff whomever you'd like. They have to agree though. I'm sure many won't want to."

"I need my crew", Jim said.

Johnson nodded, "I suspect you won't have trouble convincing most of them. I received an alarming number of messages from them, flipping out that they had been reassigned. Most of them are pretty young too. No spouses or kids yet. But you can't pressure them… Anyone who agrees to this will be able to spend this year with their family and friends...no long assignments, but...five years is a long time, Kirk."

Jim nodded.

Johnson turned back to Winona and Alan, though he seemed to deliberately not make eye contact with her.

"Well, I'll leave you three to enjoy your breakfast. Kirk… expect the full detailed from me in a week's time."

"Thank you, Sir." Jim said.

Only when the door finally shut, did Winona trust herself to look back at her son...her baby boy.

"Mom" Jim said, questioningly.

Winona crossed the room in one quick moment and embraced her son, tears streaming down her face. She felt Alan's hand rub her back soothingly as she sobbed into Jim's shoulder.

"It's OK, Mom", Jm whispered.

Winona pulled back, "I know. I know", she tried to calm her ragged breathing. "I'm so proud of you", she whispered, "I'm just...I'm gonna miss you so much!"

"I'll miss you too", he said.

"Oh my God….the five year mission…" she tried to laugh, "I thought it was a joke when I heard about it when I was in school!"

Jim smiled, "Apparently I can staff you...if you wanted to go?"

"Ha!" she just laughed, "I think I'll pass…." Winona looked at Alan, they hadn't told Jim yet. "My life is here." *

Winona reached out and grabbed Alan's hand, looking into his eyes questioningly.

"Jim", she said, "Alan and I are getting married."

Ji's eyes brightened, "Finally", he said.

"What?!" Winona squawked.

Jim looked sheepishly at his mother, "I told him about six months ago to shit or get off the pot...You guys have been dating for almost FIVE years!"

"What?" Winona said again, "Alan?"

Alan shrugged, "Apparently, I was besmirching his mother's honor…."

"OK I definitely did not use the word 'besmirching', and DUDE, I like to live my life under the illusion that you guys just make -out and play chess or whatever old people do in their spare time...maybe second base if some wine is involved."

"Has the bases system change since we were in school?" Alan asked Winona jokingly.

Winona just laughed. She had been a little worried about telling her sons that she was engaged again, since the her last marriage went over so poorly. Alan was different though, and she was too in alot of ways. Sometimes, when she lay in his arms at night, awash with the content feeling making love to him always gave her, she wondered what her life would have been like had he managed to ask her out before George did. It scared her when she realized that it would have worked out with Alan too...she probably would have married him, had his children, the works.

She still remembered his response when she verbalized her feeling.

" _I'm happy the way things turned out", he said._

" _Really?"_

 _Alan put down the book he had been reading on his nightstand and wrapped his arms around his new fiance. "Really. If you hadn't met George, you wouldn't have your sons, and I wouldn't have married Josephine and had my girls."_

 _Winona nodded, "I guess….it's just that", she kissed him, "I don't know...I never thought I'd be able to love someone like that ever again...I'm sorry, I'm not making any sense."_

 _Alan smiled and kissed her back, "Love doesn't work like that sweetie. At least I never thought it did. It's not restrictive in that way. I love that you loved George so deeply. He was a good man, he deserves to be loved and remembered. And I, personally, am very thankful his sons are here...in this world."_

" _I am too…"_

Winona set her wedding for the day before Jim was to set off on his five year mission. For her first wedding she'd worn a beautiful white ball gown that made her look like a princess in a fairytale. For her second she'd worn a simple white lace summer dress. This time, at 57 years old, marrying the man she'd been living with for three years, and walking down the aisle on the arms of her two adult sons, she decided it was probably time to ditch the white.

Instead she wore light blue - Alan's favorite color on her, and married outside under the rebuilt Golden Gate bridge. There were only 50 in attendance, there would have been less, but Jim had invited his bridge officers, who had unanimously decided that an outdoor open bar was the PERFECT way to spend their last night on Earth before their long journey.

Jim's Vulcan First Officer, Commander Spock, and his long time girlfriend Lt. Uhura caught her eye. They were so deferential to each other in public, few would suspect they were together, but her son had told her that their relationship had practically become a running joke on the Enterprise. Everyone looked so happy.

Winona and Alan sat with their kids for the dinner: Sam, Anna, Jim, Becky and Fern. It was great how they all seemed to get along, now as legal step-siblings. Though Alan still joked with her that one of the reasons he married her was to keep Jim away from his oldest daughter, who hadn't quite gotten over her crush on him.

Taking a swig of wine Jim stood up, and grabbed his mother's hand, "May I have this dance?"

She nodded, and allowed her son to lead her out on the dance floor. He had always been fond of dancing - a rarity for most men, but then, Jim always did things his own way. She suspected he'd discovered the ability to dance was a great asset in his relentless pursual of women. Looking up into his bright blue eyes she wondered if he'd EVER settle down.

"I know that look", he said.

"What look?"

"The 'why don't you have a girlfriend' look".

"I don't have that look!" she laughed.

He peered down at her. He was George's exact height now - not quite 6'1". "I bought furniture...what else do you want?"

"I don't know… grandkids would be nice…"

Jim rolled his eyes, "I'll leave that to Sam."

"It'd be nice if they had a cousin or two…"

"Mom…." Jim said.

"I KNOW! Not now...but...maybe when you get back…"

Jim sighed, "Maybe…" He caught Sam's eye across the dance floor and nodded to his brother. She saw Sam kiss the top of Anna's head and walk over to them. "Come on", Jim said.

Winona let her sons pull her away from the party, and waited patiently.

Jim produced an envelope from the pocket of his dress uniform. "Congratulations Mom", he said and handed it to her.

Winona opened the envelope. It was an itinerary for a three week trip to Europe, all luxury hotels, tours, and restaurants. Her eyes practically popped out of her head. "What's this?" she asked.

"Your honeymoon", Sam said. "We know, we know -you and Alan were just planning a long weekend in wine country, and dumping the rest of the money into your condo...but we - me, Jim, Becky, and Fern - thought you guys deserved something a little nicer. After-all, if you're still married when Jim gets back, this will officially be your longest marriage!"

"Very funny", Winona said darkly. "But...guys...this is too much...this must have cost you a fortune!"

"It did", Sam said, "But we had a very generous lender…. and we have five years to pay him back."

Winona turned to Jim, who shrugged, "I have zero living expenses and a Captain's salary for the next five years…. what do I need a savings account for?'

"Me and Jim are covering three quarters of it...Becky and Fern the remaining balance…" Sam explained. "Jim basically emptied his account."

"Jim!"

"It's fine Mom", Jim said and hugged her tightly, "consider it repayment for all my bail money…."

Winona laughed, "You didn't have to do this…" She looked down at the itinerary again, "Wait…" she said. "This says my shuttle leaves tomorrow morning…I can't leave tomorrow morning...I have to see you off!"

Jim bit his lip, "I'm not leaving tomorrow", he said quietly. "I got word about a month ago...I'm leaving tonight."

"What?!" Winona almost shrieked, her heart dropping to the pit of her stomach.

"My shuttle leaves in an hour, actually. We're doing a secret launch tonight… just in case the Klingons get too interested…."

Tears came unbidden to Winona's eye's "But...when do I get to say goodbye…"

"Right now", Jim said, smiling sadly. "I've already made the rounds, but I wanted to say goodbye to you and Sam last."

Sam clapped him on the back. His older brother was still taller than he was…"I'm sorry I didn't tell you until now. I didn't want to make your wedding about me…"

Winona hugged him then, sobbing freely into his shoulder. She knew it didn't make much of a difference. Her wedding was almost over, and his original shuttle was set to leave at 700 hours. She'd be missing an hour with him at most. But she wanted that hour. It hit her then that she really wasn't going to see him for five years. He'd be in his thirties by the time he returned, and she'd be in her sixties. So much was going to change in that time, and Jim would miss all of it. But then again, he'd be off making history...exploring new worlds beyond her wildest imagination...changing the face of Starfleet forever.

As she held him to her she remembered holding him in her arms for the first time, and George's voice on the com, naming him, and telling her she could do this. It had been a long struggle, but now here he was, her little space baby, reaching further than any human had ever dared dream.

Pulling away she just nodded, "OK", she said. "I understand...Captain…"

Jim smiled down at her, and turn to hug his brother.

"See ya around Captain Jim", Sam said, laughing. It was their little joke. When Jim made Captain Sam thought it was too weird to call him Captain Kirk...Captain Kirk would always be he father's name to him.

"Hey...I'm hoping by the time I get back they'll call me Admiral Jim, actually!"

Sam held back a laugh…"Actually.." he said, "I think I'll have a better name for you by the time you get back…."

Sam broke into a huge smile, "How does Uncle Jim, sound?"

"What?" Winona gasped, while Jim just blinked in shock.

"Don't tell anyone! We just found out yesterday….technically we can tell people at the three month mark...she's only at 4 weeks."

Winona smiled and hugged her oldest son. "That's wonderful."

"Do you know if it's a girl or boy yet?" Jim asked.

Sam shook his head, "It'll be a surprise, but...I think Anna's already come to terms with the fact that Kirk men are incapable of producing anything but boys." It seemed true. Sam had been one of two boys, his father, one of two as well, and Tiberius, one of four.

"Congratulations Sam", Jim said, "and grandma", he teased her pointedly. He looked across the grass. The bridge crew on the Enterprise we assembled there. McCoy had apparently agreed to give them all IVs so they would be sober by the time they launched the Enterprise. They all stood there, lined up...waiting. Winona realized they were waiting for Jim, their Captain. It was time for him to go.

Alan came jogging over. "Jim…" he put out his hand, "One last goodbye…."

Jim smiled and shook his hand, but pulled him into an unexpected hug, "Take care of her…" Jim whispered in his ear.

Jim turned to give his mother one last hug goodbye, "I'll still write you every three days" she said. "You'll have to read them all at once when you get back, though…"

"I know".

Winona brushed the tears off her face, "I love you. I love you so much...I WILL see you when you come home."

He just smiled, "Love you too, Mom."

Jim looked back across the grass, and gave a slight nod to his crew.

As Winona watched her son wander back to them, Sam on her left, and Alan on her right an odd sense of peace washed over her. Looking back at her guests, and the outline of the city her heart finally calmed. The last 28 years of her life had been impossibly hard, but she couldn't feel anything but gratitude for how it had all turned out.


End file.
